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AIBU?

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Original poster

DH says I’m censoring him when he talks about disturbing things in front of our teen (13)

87 replies

SpottyDottyD · 13/03/2025 23:16

Example-I was watching the new Netflix series Adolescence and the subject came up about child killers (killers who are children) our son knew about the James Bulger case having read about it online. He began to describe what had been done to the child and DH corrected him saying no they actually did this (extremely graphic description) I told him I’m not comfortable talking about that as I find it very upsetting especially going into disturbing detail in front of DS. I’m not happy with him knowing all the gory details anyway. DH said I was censoring him, that this is the real world and I can’t hide from it. I told him I’m not hiding from it, I’m just not comfortable discussing disturbing details about a child’s murder with our son. Again I was censoring him and I won’t let him speak etc. I’ve had this issue before where I’ve been uncomfortable with certain topics that DH mentions in front of DS but again deeply disturbing stuff that I don’t believe is age appropriate (going back a few years)

Hes got a chip on his shoulder about me controlling him and censoring him. Yes bad things happen and DS should have an awareness of news events but in an age appropriate way.

AIBU?

OP posts:
Daysgo · 13/03/2025 23:41

SpottyDottyD · 13/03/2025 23:36

I’m not sure. The difference was that the minute DS mentioned “oh I read they did this” I shut him down and tried to change the subject. DH said “ No, they actually did(extremely graphic awful act)” It’s one thing DS having a knowledge of world wars/historical events, he’s extremely knowledgeable and a history buff but another talking about the torture of a toddler. DH sees no issue and says I’m wrapping DS in cotton wool etc.

Show quote history

Id have an issue re ur ds wanted to talk about an unpleasant subject and your reaction was to shut him up essentially. I think you are generally better talking about stuff, however uncomfortable that makes you feel

Original poster
SpottyDottyD · 13/03/2025 23:40

Had issues with DH in other ways - inappropriate things he says to DS almost like he forgets he’s talking to his son and not one of his mates.

OP posts:
Daysgo · 13/03/2025 23:39

I said yabu. Your son is 13, not an adult but obviously not a young child. Im not sure, and it depends on your son , but am not sure we do any good by hiding truth from teenagers. Life isn't all good and wonderful. Thats a fact, does not need to be scary, but I'd think its better to know this than not.

And from your posts, your son knew all details anyway so in that case, definitely better to talk about it than not.

HundredMilesAnHour · 13/03/2025 23:38

To be honest, I think both your DH and your DS sound weird given BOTH their interest in such a gruesome story. It seems the apple hasn’t fallen far from the tree.

Original poster
SpottyDottyD · 13/03/2025 23:36

Jessica5678 · 13/03/2025 23:30

I don’t really think there’s a need for a 13 year old to know the detailed horrors of that particular case, no. Not sure why anyone would want to know to be honest, I certainly don’t.

Why does your DH want him to know - was it that he wanted to be right or show off his superior knowledge and didn’t like that your son was incorrect? To shock him? Some weird attempt to make him grow up or be tougher?

I’m not sure. The difference was that the minute DS mentioned “oh I read they did this” I shut him down and tried to change the subject. DH said “ No, they actually did(extremely graphic awful act)” It’s one thing DS having a knowledge of world wars/historical events, he’s extremely knowledgeable and a history buff but another talking about the torture of a toddler. DH sees no issue and says I’m wrapping DS in cotton wool etc.

OP posts:
verycloakanddaggers · 13/03/2025 23:35

You need to discuss the issue at a time when it isn't happening.

Was your DH raised this way, were his parents the same?

What he's doing is not ok for you let alone your DS. You're allowed to ask him to stop, he should respect that.

Jessica5678 · 13/03/2025 23:30

I don’t really think there’s a need for a 13 year old to know the detailed horrors of that particular case, no. Not sure why anyone would want to know to be honest, I certainly don’t.

Why does your DH want him to know - was it that he wanted to be right or show off his superior knowledge and didn’t like that your son was incorrect? To shock him? Some weird attempt to make him grow up or be tougher?

Original poster
SpottyDottyD · 13/03/2025 23:29

I really didn’t like how DS seemed to know all the graphic details of the case either (he had read about it online) but it’s difficult to control what DS reads about but the issue is DH seeing no problem with graphically describing in detail how the poor boy was tortured especially when I tell him to stop.

OP posts:
Original poster
SpottyDottyD · 13/03/2025 23:26

Codlingmoths · 13/03/2025 23:20

Ewwwww he sounds a bit gross and unpleasant. You’re censoring him by requesting age appropriate topics?? Does he take him to R rated movies because he won’t let the entertainment industry censor his child?

does he ever respect your opinion?

I had this issue early on where DH would play extremely violent video games (not just shoot em ups but disturbing stuff with scenes of gory torture and blood etc) I had a fight on my hands to get him to turn it off and not let our son who was 3 see it.

OP posts:
Sunshineandblueskysalltheway · 13/03/2025 23:22

I don't like the sound of this at all. Why does he need to say those things so badly? Especially when he knows how it makes you feel.

There's other behaviour with him, right?

outerspacepotato · 13/03/2025 23:22

Your husband is creepy in front of your kid and needs to be shut down.

Graphic descriptions of violence and murder have negative effects on young teens. You're trying to teach him things like empathy and your husband is desensitizing him to harmful violence.

Codlingmoths · 13/03/2025 23:20

Ewwwww he sounds a bit gross and unpleasant. You’re censoring him by requesting age appropriate topics?? Does he take him to R rated movies because he won’t let the entertainment industry censor his child?

does he ever respect your opinion?