Evening only wedding invitations - are they really THAT bad?

I've had this issue recently. Live in a different city and not seen family member for years. My first cousin is getting married and auntie/uncle are godparents to my child. My mum also used to look after my cousins a lot. My parents have been invited but not me. I have been relegated to the same position as the black sheep of the family who also aren't invited. I was quite hurt tbh and told my mum who said there's room at the evening do if you want to go but I've said no as they've not even bothered to invite us. I would have been happy with the evening do invite but its taken my mum to ask to even be considered.

Is it still a thing? I don’t think I’ve been to a wedding in the last 2 decades where B listers turn up in the evening.

What is the point? Just invite the guests you want and can afford to host, and have them there all day. I’d never accept an invitation to an evening do, not that I e ever had one.

Isn't the issue though (on MN, no idea gow common it is!) generally that people are invited to the service and the evening but not the bit in the middle. Which basically feels like bugger off and fend for yourselves and come back later. Especially given people mostly travel further for weddings than they might in the past it's just not practical.
Just inviting for the evening with no requirement or expectation to attend the actual wedding ceremony would be fine surely?
And I can see if the wedding meal is for like 100 people it would smart rather to effectively know you are not in the top 100 friends of the couple, probably less antagonist if the wedding and meal are family and close friends only/ couple of dozen people and the evening is everybody.
It's a bit like a kid inviting friends to a party from school.
Inviting less than half the class is fine, or inviting all the girls/all the boys. But when it tips over into inviting more than half or just excluding a handful it's considered unkind and upsetting to those singled out.

I should think not! Imagine going to someone's wedding party and moaning! That would be the height of rudeness!

Well everyone came that we invited, and seemed happy to be there so I am assuming nobody moaned.

If the guests are local - I think it's a bit ridiculous to invite people to travel for an evening invite
have you never travelled anywhere to go to a party, @polinkhausive ? That’s all it is. I’ve travelled for significant birthday parties, wedding anniversary parties etc. Why not a wedding party?
I agree there should be some form of food, but a cash bar is fine.

I think it would be very rude to go to an event and moan about it! I've never come across that, but maybe it's a thing.

Been to lots of evening wedding dos for work colleagues and neighbours etc. They have usually been enjoyable and I was never offended at not being invited all day .

I don't think there's anything wrong with inviting local friends, colleagues second cousins etc to an evening do.

Great Aunt from Australia... definitely rude.

And children. Your children are your family, not your friends family. Its OK they aren't invited.

In real life people like weddings, they go if they can, apologise if they can't and don't see an invitation as a deadly insult.

I had a relatively small registry office wedding and an evening everybody came and nobody moaned.

There's a lot of people on MN that would never accept a wedding invitation. What if they were expected to interact with people?

Your first two sentences have been directly contradicted by the posts on this thread.

On Mumsnet - they are the height of ill manners, and the ultimate snub. One would rather walk through hell barefoot than attend.

In reality- no they are not a problem at all. People who are invited to evening do’s attend gladly if they can, and decline politely if they can’t.

I think it’s perfect for local friendly acquaintances like work colleagues and the people on your sports team. People who wouldn’t expect a proper invite but would like a drink and a bit of a dance.

I totally agree OP, I think depending on circumstances people might be offended so you have to be careful who you invite to the evening bit only I guess. But more distant family members, work colleagues, ancquaintances rather than friends etc. it’s totally fine (I’d personally invite all my actual friends to the whole thing).

A cousin of mine who I like but am not particularly close to partly due to geographical distance, recently got married and my parents were invited to the whole thing but I didn’t even get an evening invite (neither did my siblings) and I was kind of offended! I wouldn’t have expected to be invited to the whole thing but did expect to get an evening invite. I spoke to my mum about it and she said she thought they’d just assumed due to geographical distance that we wouldn’t want to come, especially for an evening only invite, and it would probably be different if we lived locally. She said I’m probably actually still welcome if I wanted to make the trip and she could talk to my aunt and check. I would have travelled for it except my son was right in the middle of GCSEs then and I’m a single parent, so it wasn’t really practical to travel for the weekend after all. I did send her a wedding present. We are first cousins after all with no bad blood between us and I am N Irish, usually all family is invited to a wedding culturally, at least in my social circles there.

I think it depends on a few things for me:

If the guests are local - I think it's a bit ridiculous to invite people to travel for an evening invite

If there is some hospitality provided - I have been to one with no food and a cash bar which feels a bit dismissive

If there is a lot of pushing for gifts

If it's just a few - I went to one where there were basically about 6 of us evening guests Vs 200 who had been there all day and it felt very awkward and conspicuous arriving and everyone else had seats etc

I’m not offended ant the principle and if I get an evening invitation, I usually go if I can.

2 caveats:

firstly, I think if it’s someone who might fairly have hoped for a day invitation but for whatever reason didn’t make the cut, it can seem like a bit of a cop out.

secondly, at too many weddings the evening guests aren’t well treated, eg kept outside waiting because the day has overrun

I recently received an evening save the date and was a little hurt as it was from one of my oldest friends from school that I still meet up with every few months. The daytime event isn’t family-only and she told me they didn’t have budget problems. I’ll still go and I haven’t said anything to her about being hurt but just make sure that if you’re inviting someone to the evening only that you’re both on the same page about what level your relationship is beforehand I guess. Also annoyingly it’s not where we (or the couple) live so we’ll probably leave early rather than spend out on a country hotel. I would rather go to the ceremony and see her actually get married and miss out on the party part!

We married in 1992. Had a tiny wedding of 23. Invited 80 to the evening and did put on hot food like a curry and chili as many had travelled. We arranged reasonably priced guest houses that could be booked for those travelling and my parents paid for a coach to from the venue.

It met the budget my parents could afford.

We.were blessed that almost everyone came. Even though many had to travel up to 150 miles.

I agree

I think there are factors. Back in the day when they were common, hen/stag dos were local and one night. Weddings were local. Nobody gave a toss as they didn't have to think about hotels and spending a fortune to attend with requests for cash on top.

All of those things are a lot different now and cost more to attend. So it's cheeky to expect people to travel, fork out for hotels and expect gifts/money on top when they're just been invited to the evening bit.

Generally quite happy to skip the (usually) boring bit!

At my wedding I let my bridesmaids invite their local mates for the evening. It was a free night out for them. We also had some family that couldn't make the day but could the evening.

It certainly used to be normal when I worked part time as a waitress back in the 80s/90s at a function centre. We used to have 2-3 weddings every Sat and they all had a sit down meal for a smaller group (anything from 20 to 70 people) and then a buffet and disco in the evening for a bigger group (up to 200 people).

Honestly, the people who get offended at this baffle me - they want you enough to share part of their day with you, isn't that something lovely?? Isn't an invite to a party a nice thing?? If you don't want to go because you hate parties (which is fine!) you can just decline so it's not like you are forced to go? What's actually the problem here. 'I'm not special enough for the day do' what so everyone in your life from your mother to your colleague are equally as important are they? Bollocks.