I know this gets discussed at length on threads about specific weddings, but I’m thinking more about the concept in general.
I’m in my 40s and in the UK. I’ve been going to weddings all my life and only once have I been to one with no extra guests in the evening. I know the concept is alien in some cultures, but I’m talking white British - as far as I knew it was pretty universal. Yet I see people on here of a similar age and background to me claiming they’d never heard of it before Mumsnet, which I find really hard to believe.
What I find harder to believe is the level of annoyance, from mild irritation through to downright fury, at the very idea, let alone actually receiving such an invitation. Angry and sarcastic comments about B-list guests; about how tight the couple must be and that it’s obviously a ruse to get more presents; that it’s all about having the Instagram day (I don’t know how that applied to the evening dos I went to in the 90s) and that people should “cut their cloth” and have their reception in the village hall (that apparently everyone has nearby) just in case cousin Mildred is offended at not getting a three-course meal.
My first question would be, does nobody have relatives or friends to whom they are less close than others - but who they still value? Not everyone aunt is a favourite aunt; not every friend a best friend. That doesn’t mean they’re not important at all. I’m also not arrogant enough to assume that all my friends consider me amongst their closest friends. Is it really that big an issue? I can understand if you consider someone your best friend that it might be a shock if they see it as a much more casual friendship, but the disparity isn’t usually that extreme.
My second question is, can nobody, in the immortal words of the cast of Grange Hill, just say no? In a lot of the threads I see on here, people aren’t actually upset about not getting a full day invitation; they’re annoyed at the very idea of being invited to an evening do, especially if travel is involved. But is it really better to not get the invitation at all? I might well turn down an invitation that involves a long journey and potentially an overnight stay - but that doesn’t mean I’m insulted to be asked. In fact I’d much rather be asked and have to say than have some assume I won’t and not bother to ask. But on MN invitation seems to equal expectation.
As I say, I understand individual circumstances might make it upsetting - e.g. someone you picked as a bridesmaid only inviting you on the evening, or being the only one of six cousins not being invited to the full day. But as an overall concept, I’m struggling to see the grave offence.