Evening only wedding invitations - are they really THAT bad?

I prefer evening only if anything, that’s the fun part. I’ve been to a few, usually colleagues I’m friendly with.

Actual weddings can be incredibly tedious unless you know loads of other guests and are seated with them. Evening invitations if a local venue are fine. Definitely not if you have to travel and stay over.

I didn't know anyone was offended by this, I'm genuinely gobsmacked. I thought it was common rule that day time is close family/friends, then in the evening you add I'm extended relatives, work colleagues you aren't close to, neighbours, your mum's best friend who sends you Christmas cards, etc.

Everyone here does the same, so it's clearly normal for my area. Not everyone has the privilege of being able to afford millions of day guests.

Also, the evening do is the best bit!

I only think it's rude if your guest is travelling from afar and forking out money to stay over- in that case, the decent thing would be to invite them to the whole day.

Actually, I was offended and very upset. I was the only aunt not to be invited to the actual wedding all the other 19 were invited, all,day I kept seeing wedding pictures,on FB and being sent to my phone, I didn't attend the evening do, that I was invited to as it was a 2 hour drive, all others were staying local, it had been arrnaged for them all,so they could drink etc. If it was a work mate etc I would be upset.

I think numbers matter a bit here. If you’re having an intimate service with 20 guests, then an evening bash with another 100 people then fine.

If it’s vice versa, then not so fine. It’s awkward being one of a few guests who’re only invited to the evening thing.

Standard in this country

Evening invites are fine when paired with the right location / situation

They are not fine when dished out to weddings in the back arse of nowhere with little to no transport / expensive or non existent accommodation and miles and miles away from the "home" of the B&G ...

I didn't have evening invites for that reason

Happily been invited to the evening reception of a local wedding / wedding with a premier inn near / ease of drive eg 40mins etc to work colleagues/ newish friends etc

We just invited people to everything - married in late 90s.
But day guests and evening only invites have been around for a long time, less common in 90s but became more common in last 20 years so I'd be surprised if people haven't heard of it, particularly if you are British.
I think evening only invite for colleagues, neighbours, hobby friends who live local is ok if you can't afford to invite everyone to whole day, although my first preference would be to invite everyone to the whole day. Personally I wouldn't travel far for an evening only invite, how I'd feel about evening only invite would depend on how close I was to people getting married! If it was my sister I'd be offended, if it was a work colleague then I wouldn't.

Was very usual in my experience (mostly 90s/early noughties weddings).

I didn't think of the local thing until a PP mentioned it but yes, all were local or doable in one evening at least e.g. bus put on from country house hotel back into city at end of night. No evening invites for guests that would have to travel far and stay over.

Evening invites are fine IF there is food. Preferrably hot food (of some sort). If you invite evening only guests and don't feed them, you will be very harshly judged (by most of said guests).

Two of us travelled all the way from London to North Yorkshire for a colleague's "evening do" a while ago, at a golf club miles from any towns, so it meant expensive taxis, on top of the hotel and travel costs... and they had done absolutely nothing for the evening "guests" at all! No food, no drinks... just opened the doors and graciously allowed us to enter a room full of half-drunk people who were still chatting at their tables with some background noise from an ipod linked to the venue's speakers, and buy our own drinks at the bar. Honestly the whole thing was awkward and weird. I do think if you're asking people to travel hundreds of miles to be your guests, then you need to treat them as guests, not spectators.

I think evening invites are fine, and quite normal.

My rule though is, unless it’s local I’m not going. As in, I’m not going to travel far or pay to stay in a hotel for an evening invite. But if I was invited to the full day I would. It’s quite common in our workplace to invite colleagues to evening dos. I’ve been to the ones that are in our city. But politely decline stay over ones.

I've never known anyone take offence at an evening invite.
True be told I prefer them!

I don't take offense but it does make a statement about where someone ranks in terms of closeness. I'm not offended to know I'm not as important as some others to a person. In fact, I'd probably be relieved not to have to go.

For me the perfect invitation is to go to the wedding ceremony and be able to skip the party part.

I think some people see them as a snub or something.

My view is you get the party without the boring bit. That's a win.

This doesn't sound like you don't take offence

I wouldn't take offense but I generally wouldn't accept an evening only invitation (depending on who and circumstances probably). I've only ever been invited to one evening only thing and didn't go then.

I don't like parties and I don't like dressing up. I figure if I'm only important enough to them for the evening do, then my presence isn't that important, so I don't have to feel obliged to go. I don't take offense but it does say something about the closeness of our relationship. If I'm invited to the whole thing I'll dress up and go because they clearly want me there, so I make the effort for them.

Every other wedding I've been invited to has been wedding and reception, no evening do held.

Been to a few, had some evening only at ours as well due to budget and to celebrate with everyone we couldn't stretch to sit down meal but had family travelling a long way to attend.

The only time I felt insulted by an evening only invite was sil's wedding. She litterally stole our original plan and arranged it for 2 week before our wedding date after we had booked. We changed our plan as a result to avoid comparisons. However despite the long distance to travel, sorting childcare etc we were only invited to the evening which we accepted. The kick in the teeth was finding out the local pub landlord got an all day invite and a plus one.

However we gave a card and gift etc, week later for ours, no card no message nothing . I told he I have never in my life treated our nieces or nephews different on either side despite her lack of attention However when she had a child I will be tempted. Rest of the in-laws are all brilliant. Moral of the story so long as its not immediate family unless numbers don't allow them all, i get the reason.

This. I've been to a couple of evening invite weddings. With the best will in the world there can be a feeling of missing out, especially if the wedding over-runs and you're watching people finish their dinner. Honestly, I probably wouldn't go again especially if I had to travel much of a distance.
I think back in the day the evening bit of a wedding was like a party and wasn't too far to go. Now to travel 50 miles plus for a tired buffet and people talking about an event you haven't seen, no.

All the weddings I’ve been to have had evening only guests. It was definitely the norm when I got married 25 years ago. Usually work colleagues and old school friends etc.

This has been the case for the vast majority of weddings I've been to too, mainly in the early 2010s.

I am not offended at all to be an evening guest usually.

I think inviting someone only in the evening is rude in some specific circumstances, like they've travelled from abroad or something, but for work colleagues etc? Normal here.

For me it’s the best possible outcome - get to wear a nice dress, turn up after the boring service and speeches and (usually quite disappointing) meal where you sit next to weirdos and instead just join for the piss up!

Mind you the last lot of weddings we’ve been invited to were all day events and I did enjoy them.

Wouldn’t do it myself, would plan a service for as late as possible, dinner and piss up for everyone invited.

We are always thrilled to receive an evening invite!
You don’t have to spend as much on a present, don't have to sit in a cold church in uncomfortable clothes listening to boring hymns and even more boring readings. And then standing about while the photographer buggers about before a mass catered meal sat with people you've maybe never met before.
The evening in contrast is booze, dancing, fun! If its not local and we have to stay over we explore the area during the day, whats not to like.

Only if say one of a group of five was only invited to the evening and the rest the day.
But if i had invited my friend to the day and their day was family only no i wouldn't be offended. Not in the slightest.

No one you know would be hurt to find out someone they considered one of their best friends didn’t feel the same way?