AIBU to try and stop DD driving mammoth journey?

Motorways are statistically the safest roads per mile driven. This is a fact, it’s not something anyone can really disagree with.

Personally I would let her. A 16 year old car now is a lot safer and more reliable than similarly aged cars were when most of us were teenagers. And it’s a long journey but I remember doing similar at the same age, in what was probably a much rattier car. Assuming she’s generally a safe and sensible driver and the car is well maintained I would be ok. I think us oldies sometimes forget what it is to be 17 - they don’t get tired as quickly!

Statistically, and motorway is the safest road to drive on. Less than 3% of accidents occur on them.

Just tell her your concerns, and ask that she takes regular breaks even if she doesn't feel tired, and to not let passengers distract her.

Are you forgetting what it's like at 17? Your very independent and going all sorts of places your parents dont know about. You cant stop a 17 year old who has a car. She will find a way if she wants. That's why I suggested going more down the route of appealing to the older brother to take the train instead.

When they are no longer dependent on me.

I only 'control ' really stupid dangerous decisions I do not wish to fund.

When they are funding their own stupidity I won't get a say.

It would be more like 8-9 hours. I don't think you'll change her mind though. We were all young and wanting freedom and to be adult like driving everywhere. Would she compromise at all? Her brother gets a coach or train to say a couple of hours away? Depends what your local networks are like. For example to the big city near us you'd be fine on the train but after that point the service is disjointed and irregular. Maybe I'd try and sell it that way to them and see what they say.

Is she a nervous reactive person?

This is what it states online.

• Graduated Licensing:
• While there are no immediate restrictions, the AA and other motoring groups have suggested that new drivers, particularly those under 21, should be restricted from carrying passengers of similar ages for the first six months.
• They would like this to become law.

Don't be ridiculous.
She can only drive if she has access to a car.

And if she wants to face all the consequences of going against her mother's clear direction.

Also she only has a reason if her brother goes along with it against his mother's direction.

My kids would not do this if they knew i was very serious, and I find concerning that any kids would defy their mother on something like this.

Such weak helpless parenting.

Presumably if he is already at uni, he is older. He is an adult. It is his decision who he feels safe to get in a car with.

At what point do you plan to stop trying to control your adult children?

I suspect she doesn't understand the reality of driving so far, for so long.
I with the hide the keys posters, AND telling your older, (hopefully more sensible once the negatives are pointed out to him), son to find another way home

It's a bit of a trial by fire, but if she's not a daredevil, it seems unlikely she'll come to much harm. The kids who have serious car crashes in their first year or two tend to be young male drivers who are driving too fast, or showing off for their mates or kids driving on drink/drugs.

If you can afford it, a post license lesson or two from an advanced instructor, focused on motorway driving, maybe night driving if she hasn't done much, navigating a new urban road system, etc. might help and put your mind at ease.

Suggest it might be more pleasant going up a day earlier so she can have a day with her brother rather than driving back the very next day. Get her to set off early. Check the car over with her a few days before she goes and again on the morning of the trip if you've had to refill anything, top up the tyres, etc. Make sure she knows what to do if she breaks down. Maybe get her an old fashioned car atlas in case she can't get signal on her phone at some point. Remind her not to drive tired. To take plenty of breaks even if it means arriving very, very late. Her brother can stay up for her if he's getting a ride!

But mainly - don't panic about it. It will be tiring and likely take her significantly longer than 7 hours. But it's all just driving. It isn't something she hasn't done before. It's just more of it. She'll come back a more competent driver than she was before she went. It's a good way to really consolidate skills.

Can her brother drive? Can she add him to the insurance so he can do some of the driving back?
You can get short term temporary insurance if needs be.

I don't think you can stop her, but if the Sat nav says it'll take 7 hours you need to add another 2 for breaks as she should be stopping every 3 hours at lest. It's concentrating on driving for this long that's the main issue.

As long as she has breakdown cover I wouldn't worry about the age of the car. Reliable cars are one's that are well maintained and looked after not always newer.

I was happily bombing up and down to London from the north when I'd not long passed my test. However it was just me in the car.
I wouldn't be happy with brother and his mates in the car

Shes 17 and drives. Physically impossible to stop her.

This doesn't sound like a good plan. As others have said, is it a 7 hour drive, just driving, or have you included breaks into this time? Is the route notorious for traffic/accidents which would make it even longer?
Also when is it she plans on doing this drive date wise? Is it one of those times when everyone is off on holiday meaning more traffic?

I would also be concerned about what happens when she gets there. Is she going to get a good sleep and rest? Where is she planning on staying? If with brother is it on the sofa? Did tshe intend on going on socialising with them to get a taste of uni life? Possibility of drinking/late night?

I wouldn't want to do this journey as someone in my 30s!

You don't need to talk your son out of it you just need to bloody tell him it's not happening.

She's 17.

They are both dependents.

I parent in a different universe to you all when I say no and I'm deadly serious that's the end of it.

I think you need to take her on a motorway and teach her re joining and changing lanes. I also think you need to talk to her about how her car will handle differently full compared to just her. I'd also help her check her tyres, oil, windscreen fluid etc. And plan where she might stop during the journey and how driving tired can impair you. I also think that it's a great idea to add her brother to her insurance for a few days so he can take turns driving on the way home.

Yep this is what should happen if she is insisting on defying you.

Not ideal and I would hate it. Other than trying to talk her out of it, is I think all you can do is make sure she has breakdown cover, experiment if motorway driving, planning the journey. She also needs to make sure her car is ready for long distances, so make sure the tyres are at the correct pressure (and that she knows what this is and how to know where to look for it, usually the driver door), that she has plenty fuel, water and jacket in the car in case of breakdown.

One of my best friends got entirely finished off in a road accident at a young age. Personally I would buy a wheelclamp, lock it on the car and hide the key.

Yes can you try talk your son out of it. Is he not able to take a train etc rather than his sister picking him up?

Get her one of those phone holders that stick to the windscreen so she can use satnav safely. A plug in car usb charger would be good too.

Make sure she knows how to do exits and that it’s always safer to miss one than rush it / take risks.

Look at the route with her and plan stops so she doesn’t have to decide on the day. No car of teenagers is going to pass up a McDonald’s.

Why can't you stop her? She's 17 and dependent on you.
Tell her no bloody way is such an inexperienced driver doing such a foolhardy thing. And that there'll be serious consequences if she attempts to defy you on this.

Then call her brother and tell him under no circumstances is is getting a lift with his sister and he needs to make other arrangements.

What's wrong with people buying 17 year old cars and then letting them do anything.
Be the parent.

This. I passed my test on a Tuesday and drove 150 miles on motorways on the Friday.

I also disagree with some points above.

Motorways are not safer roads. You might be driving safely, the idiot cutting you up at 85mph isn’t.

If you passed your test years ago and thought nothing of driving long distances, todays roads are far, far busier, and with angrier, more harassed and impatient drivers in my opinion.