AIBU to try and stop DD driving mammoth journey?

Say no, explain your perfectly valid reasons and call her brother and have a word about his sister’s well-being and his apparent lack of care about it. Very selfish of him to be encouraging this 14 hour drive over a 24 hour period. If he’s older than her it’s worse again.

My son (now 19) was the first of his cohort to pass his test. He was driving himself to college and back along a motorway within days of passing his test aged 17. He was collecting his mates, driving up to London, round the M25 etc. So, yes, I am 'blasé' about it. If blasé is being worried, but accepting that he had passed his test first time, was a good driver and despite driving a car that is as old as he is, has more safety features than the one I was driving to Scotland and back in at the same age. My experience of parenting has been that teenagers now are a lot more sensible than I ever was.

Are there any sections of motorway that are particularly tricky?

I had to drive to Aberdeen not long after passing my test (although I was a bit older). I coped okay going but nearly got caught out coming back where two motorways merge and I hadn't appreciated that moving over from the slow lane was in effect going into the fast lane and I'd missed a car in the blindspot as misjudged the speed he was travelling.

I learned the importance of always indicating (as I had). He used his horn and I aborted so no harm done.

You could emphasise the importance of indicating and always keeping an eye on what is around you on motorways. Pulling out ahead of junctions etc. Basically having a good awareness of what's going on at all times.

If there are sections that are dual carriageway sometimes these are actually worse than motorways in that you get tractors joining or very short slip roads (no slip road at all at some junctions) so again anticipating things and being ready to move is important.

Obvious survivors bias here. The 3 of my 4 friends who were killed aged 17 and 18 when the car one of them was driving crashed are obviously not on this thread but if they could speak from the grave they would give a different perspective. The one who survived has severe brain damage so can't comment on the thread either

I did four and a half hours as a 17yo in my tin can on wheels with all my friends in the car. It was fine because I was sensible. Lots of precious cargo!

She'll be fine as long as she takes regular breaks.

Lots of people drive old cars for miles and miles. You don’t need a 25 plate BMW or SUV to make long journeys. As other people have said- carry out all the necessary checks- oil, tyres etc. Plenty of people have reliable cars and vans which are 10/15 years old+ Have good breakdown cover.

Positive - it’s nice she is willing to do that for her brother. At that age I wouldn’t have gone 7mins to pick mine up unless it was life or death.
However, 7 hours is way too long. 7 hours driving isn’t the same as 7 hours as a passenger. The motorway bit wouldn’t bother me as much as they’re statistically pretty safe. But 7 hours with teenage boys in the back? Recipe for disaster.

The age is relevant as it depends how well the car has been maintained throughout its lifetime.
If it has a full service history etc.

I think it's a really stupid idea. Much too far and carrying other young people is a very strong risk factor. She sounds over confident as if she wants to show off and that's how mistakes get made. If she thinks this journey is a good idea she's too immature to be allowed to do it. Is she likely to be drinking the night she's staying over?

I would tell her to think again

In terms of being safe, tell her about some of the recent fatal crashes involving cars full of young people. The one where they crashed off the road and the car wasn't found for several days by which time they all had died of their injuries.

I can honestly say that the few months after I passed my driving test were when my attention was at its peak, paying attention to everything, still remembering all the rules and official safe driving techniques before bad habits developed.

How many friends is she collecting? She needs to factor in if they have luggage and the potential extra weight all of that will add to what sounds like an already struggling car.

I’d tell her no. I did an hour and a half journey and then back again early the next day not long after I passed my test. I missed my turn and got really stressed out on the way home. Starting crying and nearly went the wrong way onto oncoming traffic at one point. I was traumatised for ages after.

I was driving on the motorway every day on my commute 3 weeks after passing my test. Not sure why the age of the car is relevant. Any car can drive on the motorway. Book her some motoway driving lessons/ I had them & they were invaluable. I always found motorway driving pretty easy. The rules aren’t difficult and it can actually be a lot easier than a lot of other types of driving.

It makes me think its bizarre you can legally have sex and become a mother yourself at 16, whilst at 17 still being controlled by your own parents on where you can drive. I think age of consent and age of driving should probably both be raised to 18.

If she had failed her test, how would your son & his mates have gotten home?

Phone your son and tell him that he needs to get himself home

I would download Life360 so you can track her drive and encourage her to take breaks. She is likely to be hyper aware of everything if its her first long drive and she is looking forward to the thrill of it. That may wear off 4 hours in so maybe plan to speak to her then and see how she is faring?

I woukd be bount about it. But if she is adamant then on the day or before make sure csr is in a good order. Oil changed, tyres, washer, coolant etc etc.
Ask her to text you in breaks she takes at services. She has supplies in the car just encase.

Bonkers isn’t it!

OP I have been driving for 27 years and would not do that journey especially on consecutive days. She is still very young, in an older car and relatively inexperienced.
If she is insistent can you or her father take her out on a motorway drive somewhere 4 hours away where she drives back the same day? It's not the same but may given her an indication of the journey.

In your position I would be worried too x

My daughter passed in November. She’s a good, competent driver but there’s no way I’d let her drive that far. She’s done very little motorway driving so far and we’re going to book her some motorway lessons .

Go with her and split the driving? Make it a fun trip?

Merrily waving off your kid off to drive a 15 hour round trip with a group of rowdy students in the back isn't supporting them to be independent. It's lazy parenting.

Supporting her would be taking her out yourself on the motorway and letting her take the wheel on long family car journeys. Let her work her way up to the solo long distance trips.

My brother was out working and driving a massive van at 17 all over London, round the M25 in rush hour. If she can drive she can drive. Make sure she does all her checks before hand tyres, water etc and maybe give her some money to stop for lunch if you're feeling generous to encourage her to stop for a bit

7 hours is a huge drive. I do it fairly regularly. And have broken down three times.

Things to ensure:
Car in good order
Breakdown and insurance company details to hand
Good supply of sweets, water, fizzy pop to give a sugar fix
Frequent stops
Good night's sleep, as good as possible
Know how to react in an emergency eg. Switching lanes, what to do if tyre blows etc
Extra caution with mirrors. Easy to lax when driving for that amount.

Have a word with her brother to ensure they are chilled in the car, respectful that it's her first long journey and as an inexperienced motorway driver

Ask her to head out on the motorway, maybe with you as a passenger, this week, or ASAP. Drive for 30 mins in one direction, then back again. Tell her it's to put your mind at ease.

I passed my test and 4 days later drove from South East London to Durham, in my dad's car, he was driving back (I didn't need a car there) the same day so it meant we split the driving. It was fine. I learned to drive in London and motorways are much easier!

Or support your child to be an independent human being?
I bought my own car at 17, parents had very little say in my new found independence since they'd moaned endlessly at being the taxi (they moved rurally when I was 14)