AIBU to try and stop DD driving mammoth journey?

Newly qualified drivers with a car full of passengers of similar age are four times more likely to be in a fatal crash, compared with when driving alone.

I am a very relaxed parent but I would be extremely unhappy about this, and would go to considerable lengths to prevent it. If the car is registered in your name I would sell it because she clearly cannot be trusted to exercise good judgement.

Take her out for a day... find a destination 2-3 hours away including motorway, have some fun and drive back.
1-2 days later have the conversation about tiredness and driving 7 hours!

PS: I did a little weekend trip from North London to Dartmoor in my first car. but I only took one sensible friend....

This in itself shows she's very immature. She wants to do it to prove a point and doesn't comprehend how difficult it will actually be. If it were something that wouldn't potentially put her and other people's lives at risk I'd tell her to crack on and find out.

Has she any idea what to do in an emergency situation? If the car broke down? If she was diverted? The checks she needs to do to the car before such a massive journey? These things probably haven't even crossed her optimistic mind.

It's great that she's confident but it isn't just her who will be at risk if there's a problem. It's her passengers and other road users. I would hide her keys.

Over confidence is a concern. It’s pretty much the biggest flag for accidents by young drivers. But that is much more of an issue than this one trip. While this trip is a worry because it adds a whole bunch of things together, stopping the trip doesn’t get rid of the risk she presents. She’s a risk every time she gets in the car. This is something you needed to work on much earlier (and you may have, you may have ameliorated the risk by a huge amount, just not as much as you want to have).

You could up the stakes, threaten her that you won’t pay for X or Y if she does it. change the WiFi password. Ban friends from staying over, etc. But at this age those sorts of high stakes gambits are a failure. If you can’t persuade her and have to use your power to enforce your decisions on her, you’ve lost the longer game. I really think all you can do is try to make sure you have given her the best advice you can in the way she is most likely to really hear it and help her make sure her car is in the best state it can be for the journey.

Oh wow I wouldn't like this either OP. I don't think it's a safe start to long distance driving.

How you stop her I'm not sure.

I wish we would bring in what the AA suggested recently - that drivers aged under 21 should be prevented from carrying passengers of a similar age for their first six months after passing their test.

I agree. When I was just a bit older than the op’s daughter I lived in a country where drink driving was common. I have been on many, many nights out that involved being a passenger in the back of a car hurtling down country lanes driven by someone who’s had a skinfull. Never so much as a near miss. None of those drivers felt there was an issue, clearly.

What the op’s daughter is proposing isn’t the same thing at all, but saying you drove ten hours in a day and it was fine doesn’t mean it’s not risky.

Can't her brother share the driving on the way back?

Then put your foot down and tell her it's not happening OP. Would you rather she hate you, or risk losing both your kids, and your DS's friends, because you're not tough enough to tell her NO?

Is there no option for her brother and mates to get a train or coach?

Absolutely bonkers op.

Do your son’s friends’ parents know that their precious loved ones are about to be driven on the motorway by an inexperienced 17 year old for 7 plus hours? Because I’d hit the roof if either of my kids got in the car in such circumstances.

There may be fewer accidents on the motorway, but the ratio of accident to fatality is surely far far higher.

A seven hour journey two days running is very tough for any driver let alone a new one in an old car. Really not a good idea. Does the 7 hours incude at least 2 rest breaks? Has she thought about delays through breakdown or motorway closures after accidents? How much practice has she had of driving alone with nobody to navigate or of following a sat nav safely?

I'm a pretty relaxed parent, but I wouldn't be comfortable with this. She'll probably be hungover on the way back too.

How would your son get back otherwise?

It got me thinking that's all 🤔 thinking about how bizarre the different legal ages for things are. Is that not ok with you?!

How many will be in the car on the way home and what will they be bringing back with them?
There is barely enough space in a small car for four adults plus luggage so if her brother is expecting her to give a lift to more than 2 of his friends this would be reason enough for me to put my foot down and tell her no. Even with an experienced driver at the wheel an overloaded car is not easy to drive and all the more so when you are expected to keep up with the flow of traffic on the motorway.
Despite what statistics might tell us motorways are not the safest for those who drive small cars. I drive a corsa, and although I have years of experience under my belt and am a confident driver it’s hard not to feel intimidated by all the nose to tail lorries, let alone all the cars much larger than you who whiz past.
It’s great that the OP’s daughter feels confident to undertake such a long journey but there’s a huge difference between driving to school everyday and driving hundreds of miles with a car full of passengers having driven for hours the day before.
All things considered YANBU but if she won’t take no for answer make sure the car is roadworthy, that she has breakdown cover and knows what to do to keep herself safe should she break down on the motorway.

Is she sensible? Have you been in the car with her, is she a careful driver? If the answer is yes then let her off.

But personally I'd warn son and friends that if they act the dick in the car I'll make their lives hell.

Unfortunately this has been kicked into the long grass. A huge percentage of road deaths are in under 25s where they are drivers or passengers.

The law says you can “consent” to sex at 16. That doesn’t mean you stop being a parent and stop keeping your kids safe. When my kids turned 16 I didn’t encourage them to go out and have sex because the law said they were not old enough to consent to it!

Regardless what does the age of consent and an inexperienced driver doing a long journey in any way connected?

Passing a 40 minute driving test doesn't mean much, just that she managed to successfully navigate around a small area that she's probably driven countless times before in her lessons.

It doesn't suddenly equip her with the experience needed to take on to a 15 hour round motoway journey with a group of teenage boys pissing around in the back. You have to work up to those kind of journeys, especially at 17 years old.

DS did this age 18, 2 weeks after passing his driving test.

He turned up safe & had no incidents going home, too. I soon learned that he drove a lot like an old lady, very cautious !!

I am sorry about that. That is thankfully a rare and tragic event and does not mean that all other teenagers should be prevented from driving.

She's has driven on the motorway before, so she is at least familiar with how it differs. To be honest, motorway driving is much easier and safer than on other roads. So I would probably just help her plan her journey to make sure she has regular breaks.

East Sussex to Culdrose is an awful journey. Whether it was early 90s or now.

My first ever journey when i passed my test at 19 was a 9 hour journey and i feel like its the best thing i ever done! I just stopped 2 times on the way down for some coffee and something to eat. It greatly improved my confidence in driving too.
Unfortunately for you the only thing you can do is ensure she has good breakdown cover and knows that taking breaks is perfectly fine. You could also get a mechanic to check over the car before she makes the journey if thats a worry too. But shes a perfectly capable driver if she’s passed her test!