AIBU to try and stop DD driving mammoth journey?

Exactly. I do not understand the passivity.

"No, sorry, that's too arduous for a new driver. Perhaps next year."

Teens don't get complete autonomy if they are dependent upon their parents for most of life's needs. Just say no.

Yabu. If she is old enough to drive and competent enough to pass her test and her car is taxed, insured and has an in date MOT certificate then let her do it. She is old enough to go to war, she can manage 7 hours on the motorway. She can stop at service stations like every other driver.
Maybe get breakdown insurance if you are worried about the car, but you need to trust her eventually.

7hrs in one go is one hell of a long journey to do on 2 consecutive days

There's a campaign to bring in a graduated driving licence, set up by a mum who lost her son in a tragic driving accident. It really does highlight the fact that ppl are not fully mature aged 17 / 18.

And ppl limiting the sort of driving their young, newly qualified drivers dc do has always been a thing.
Can you discuss that with her?

I was referring to the fact that people are saying because she is 17 she is technically not an adult therefore its acceptable to take her car away, hide her car keys etc. It got me thinking how it's all a bit odd that you can become a mother and drive at 17 but still not drink alcohol or vote or be considered an adult and it got me thinking how strange it is that its staggered between 16 and 18 when everything could just be moved to 18. Thats all!

The issue here isn’t her age or the age that you can legally drive it’s the fact she’s a new driver planning on taking a long, difficult journey.

The same with the legal age of consent it’s just an age the law deems you have the mental capacity to consent to sex. The two situations have absolutely nothing to do with each other 🤷

In what way does it not make sense to you?

Of course but your reply makes no sense.

Insure her on your car, go with her, book a premier inn when she gets there.

Just because she has a car doesn't mean she can disobey you if you forbid the journey. You're the parent! Just tell her no.

I remember planning a similar trip a couple of months after I passed my test.
I don’t remember my parents saying anything but they must have been worried sick.
I think what put me off in the end was the cost of the petrol!
can’t you appeal to her brother to try to talk her out of it? Pay for her train ticket to meet them there and have a night out?

YANBU. 7 hours each way is madness for such an inexperienced driver. Whilst I’m an easygoing parent generally i would be absolutely against this and agree with a pp that as she is only 17 surely you can just say no, not this time ? People may say motorways are safer than A roads .. however in the event of an impact the consequences could be much more serious due to high speeds travelled.
also my goodness there are some absolute idiots on the roads. Hope you can help her see sense it’s tough getting through to a 17 year old

This is definitely worrying. Is she planning on drinking when there? Has she seen how long alcohol lasts in the blood stream and how long you need to wait before driving after drinking?

I would be telling son to tell his friends to not go with her, firstly to avoid distractions but also if something did happen would you be able to live with knowing your daughter was responsible for them coming to harm.

Is there a learn2live conference near where you live? This roadshow is aimed at 16-18 year olds and tells the effects of dangers of driving. They have people come in and talk about how it effected their lives e.g. bereaved parents.

I’m amazed at all this ‘tempting her out of it’ nonsense too - at 17! The answer is no. You live with me as a dependent, you’re under 18, I’m making the decision as a more-informed responsible parent!

I don't think the motorway is the issue it's the length of the journey. Even as an experienced driver that's a long and exhausting drive. On a drive that long she is highly likely to be going past major cities and hit rush hour traffic as well do what starts as 7 hrs could easily become more.

I would take her out and get her to drive for at least 2 - 3 hrs solid on the motorway (out and back) and see how she feels about doing that 3 times in a row.

I would worry she would drink too much on the I ernight at uni and be in no fit state to drive the next day. It's a lot.

I would get her car serviced, buy breakdown cover and set her free. She will have Google maps on her phone so she will definitely get there.

I think seven hours is too long for anyone to drive in a day to be honest. I’d be worried too.

That would be a big ask for an experienced driver never mind a young and inexperienced one.
if she can’t spilt driving with brother I’d be worried.

As a driving instructor I’d agree with this. Some instructors stick firmly to test routes that they learn by rote almost. I’m lucky enough to be fairly near faster dual carriageways and motorways so they go on both before the test. So one of mine possibly yes, one of the ones taught purely on test routes no.

My other feeling about this is that statistically motorways are safest, rural roads are worse for fatalities, so I do have mixed feelings over your daughter. On one hand motorways are pretty regimented and safe, but it’s a long time at seven hours. But I love her confidence and it seems a shame to quash it.

My son will be seventeen later in the year and will want to do a six hour journey up to the Lakes at some point. During learning we will do a lot of motorways. Maybe more motorway lessons?

If your son isn't that bothered OP, then get him to tell her he's changed his plans and is going somewhere else before coming home, so there's no point her coming up to collect him. Then he and his friends can get the train home.

Does she have a black box for her insurance OP? As if she has, she'll likely have her insurance withdrawn if she's driving too fast/badly. Possibly even too many hours. Here's some info:

An insurance company might withdraw coverage from a driver with a black box if the device records repeated speeding, erratic driving, or other violations of the policy's terms, potentially leading to a cancellation or increased premiums.

Here's a more detailed explanation:

Repeated Speeding or Erratic Driving:
If the black box consistently detects speeding, harsh braking, or other risky driving behaviours, the insurer may consider the driver a higher risk and cancel the policy or increase premiums.

Violation of Policy Terms:
Some black box policies include specific terms and conditions, such as mileage limits or curfew restrictions. If the driver exceeds these limits or violates other rules, the insurer may cancel the policy.

Non-Disclosure:
If the driver fails to disclose relevant information about their driving history or other factors that could impact the risk assessment, the insurer may cancel the policy.

Tampering with the Device:
Tampering with or removing the black box can also lead to policy cancellation, as it could indicate a lack of willingness to comply with the terms of the agreement.

Mileage Discrepancies:
If the insurer detects that the driver is driving significantly more or less than the agreed-upon mileage, they may cancel the policy or increase premiums.

Driving at the wrong time:
Some policies may have a curfew, during the hours of which you may be penalised for driving.

Not attending a subsequent inspection appointment:
If you do not attend a subsequent inspection appointment your Insurance Policy may be cancelled.

I think now that you've made it very clear that she is just trying to prove how clever she is, by planning this extremely long drive, and that she's also likely to go out with your son and friends, rather than getting sleep in between journey's, I think in your shoes, I would tell her she cancels the trip, or you are going to sell the car. No argument, and mean it!

Can you not talk to your DS about the concerns and get him to say nah I don't need a lift. As an older brother surely he should be protective.

This is great and all but roads were very different 34 years ago

It’s the bit about her being out the night before and lack of sleep that worries me.

I'd definitely put a stop to this (hide the car keys if you have to). Driving 7 hours in one day is excessive even for a very experienced driver and not to be recommended for a novice, especially one who might be tempted to show off to others.