To think that most polyamorous relationships are just one desperate person trying to keep a person who doesn’t love them?

Shoxfordian · 14/03/2025 09:43

Yabu to say most couples when you have no evidence to back it up

Roseshavethorns · 14/03/2025 09:40

Every relationship has it's own rules and boundaries agreed by the people within that relationship. They obviously change over time but as long as everyone concerned agrees freely then I don't see what the problem is or what business it is of anyone outside that relationship.
I know I couldn't be in a polyamorous relationship and I also know some people couldn't be in a monogamous relationship. That only means we couldn't be happy in a relationship together. Not that one is right and the other is wrong.

TheBrightJadeReader · 14/03/2025 09:33

MILsAreHumanToo · 14/03/2025 09:23

Thank you for confirming … I don’t get the need to invent a new word when the existing “promiscuous” covers it, but each to their own. I hope my eye roll remains internal, oops, no: 🙄

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ill admit some would say there is a lot more psychology to it all but in simple terms it helps set the groundworks

MILsAreHumanToo · 14/03/2025 09:23

TheBrightJadeReader · 14/03/2025 09:13

some would say yes

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Thank you for confirming … I don’t get the need to invent a new word when the existing “promiscuous” covers it, but each to their own. I hope my eye roll remains internal, oops, no: 🙄

TheBrightJadeReader · 14/03/2025 09:13

MILsAreHumanToo · 13/03/2025 20:12

Polyamorous - is that a new word for promiscuous?

some would say yes

MILsAreHumanToo · 13/03/2025 20:12

Polyamorous - is that a new word for promiscuous?

Endofyear · 13/03/2025 20:07

That's probably true of some polyamorous relationships but not all. Either way, I don't think it's anyone else's business.

Maitri108 · 13/03/2025 18:57

Longtimelurkerfinallyposts · 13/03/2025 18:33

There are lots of people who prefer to have polyamorous relationships, and when everyone involved is actively choosing it, it can be satisfying, ethical and not cause weeping!

The problem tends to be when two people who are incompatible (one who is naturally monogamous and one who is naturally polyamorous for example) get together. It'd be easier for all concerned if they recognised this basic incompatibility, rather than tried to compromise to suit each other...

Surely the ethical thing to do is make clear your views on monogamy before getting involved.

Longtimelurkerfinallyposts · 13/03/2025 18:33

There are lots of people who prefer to have polyamorous relationships, and when everyone involved is actively choosing it, it can be satisfying, ethical and not cause weeping!

The problem tends to be when two people who are incompatible (one who is naturally monogamous and one who is naturally polyamorous for example) get together. It'd be easier for all concerned if they recognised this basic incompatibility, rather than tried to compromise to suit each other...

Original poster

AdeptRobin · 13/03/2025 18:21

ItGhoul · 13/03/2025 18:16

Why is it bothering you enough to share it, though? Unless you're in a polyamorous relationship, I can't see why it would be of interest.

I've no idea how polyamorous relationships work because I'm not in one and couldn't give a shit. I guess I'm just wondering why you do?

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People discuss all sorts of things they’re not personally involved in. Just because something doesn’t affect me directly doesn’t mean I can’t have an opinion on it.

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Original poster

AdeptRobin · 13/03/2025 18:19

NotTheDebtDoctorWithTheHungryScalpel · 13/03/2025 18:14

So you observing something a couple of times = most relationships being that way?

I was in a refuge and everyone I met there had been abused = all relationships are abusive 🤔

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Obviously, not every single relationship is like this but I think it’s a common enough pattern to be worth discussing. Just because something isn’t universal doesn’t mean it’s not widespread.

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TheBrightJadeReader · 13/03/2025 18:18

AdeptRobin · 13/03/2025 18:08

No, I’m not. It’s just an observation based on what I’ve seen and heard. Of course, not every situation is the same, but I think it happens more often than people like to admit.

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but if a traditional relationships is the one to aspire to then based on various threads on here about cheating and affairs etc, i think an poly may be the better one in the long run

crumpet · 13/03/2025 18:17

I think most polyamorous relationships are one man with 2 women playing the pick me dance

ItGhoul · 13/03/2025 18:16

AdeptRobin · 13/03/2025 17:59

I’m not bitter, just sharing my perspective.

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Why is it bothering you enough to share it, though? Unless you're in a polyamorous relationship, I can't see why it would be of interest.

I've no idea how polyamorous relationships work because I'm not in one and couldn't give a shit. I guess I'm just wondering why you do?

NotTheDebtDoctorWithTheHungryScalpel · 13/03/2025 18:14

AdeptRobin · 13/03/2025 18:08

No, I’m not. It’s just an observation based on what I’ve seen and heard. Of course, not every situation is the same, but I think it happens more often than people like to admit.

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So you observing something a couple of times = most relationships being that way?

I was in a refuge and everyone I met there had been abused = all relationships are abusive 🤔

ItGhoul · 13/03/2025 18:14

Judging from what I see on Mumsnet, that applies to most people's monogamous relationships as well.

housemaus · 13/03/2025 18:12

YANBU to have your own opinion, YABU to suggest it like it's true of every poly relationship. I know a fair few poly people and nuch like the people I know in monogamous relationships, there are ones who are miserable and crying themselves to sleep and others who are very, very happy.

Weird that you think this is exclusive to poly couples. Lots of people do things in their relationship - have children, get married, move for the other partner's job, etc - that they find they're unhappy with and there are plenty of people for who that would be ideal and they'd love it.

UndermyShoeJoe · 13/03/2025 18:12

Happens a lot when it’s one partner pushing to suddenly open the relationship often because they already found someone to cheat with but want permission basically. Often ends badly once the ambushed partner ends up being able to get more hooks up after giving up crying over the spilt milk and puts themselves out there. Then the original will suddenly want to shut it down again.

Genuine poly relationships probably work really well as they should all be starting with the open knowledge of wanting and being poly with the rules set in place.

Original poster

AdeptRobin · 13/03/2025 18:08

GoldDuster · 13/03/2025 18:03

Are you crying yourself to sleep every night OP? If not then how do you know that at least one person in every polyamorous set up is doing this? How strange.

No, I’m not. It’s just an observation based on what I’ve seen and heard. Of course, not every situation is the same, but I think it happens more often than people like to admit.

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Original poster

AdeptRobin · 13/03/2025 18:06

Telemicus · 13/03/2025 18:00

Everyone is different and not all circumstances are the same.

For example, who is the partner crying themselves to sleep when one has long term zero sex drive, and the other would love to have a physical sexual relationship?

Fair point - there are definitely situations where non-monogamy might work better for both people. I guess I was thinking more about cases where one person agrees to it reluctantly, rather than genuinely wanting it.

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Maitri108 · 13/03/2025 18:05

Doesn't sound very ethical to me.

If one person is crying themselves to sleep every night because their partner is shagging around, they're being cheated on.

Didimum · 13/03/2025 18:04

It’s really strange how you think it’s any of your business.

GiddyRobin · 13/03/2025 18:03

It's not for me, but I know a few people who are poly and it works well for them. Like anything, when it's conducted properly and with consent all around (ie. not just some bloke who wants to shag about while his wife/girlfriend is "welcome to" but never really can), or not couples who go "unicorn hunting" for bisexual women and then effectively use them, then it seems to work just fine.

Either way, it's absolutely no one else's business.

GoldDuster · 13/03/2025 18:03

Are you crying yourself to sleep every night OP? If not then how do you know that at least one person in every polyamorous set up is doing this? How strange.

FairBrickBiscuit · 13/03/2025 18:02

Honestly I find it hard to get my head around too, but I think it’s one of these things where you just have to accept that you might not understand it but for others it makes sense so leave it to them to live their lives how they please!