To want 9s not 7s for my child in their GCSEs?

I hardly think that a study done on 23 year olds constitutes lifelong happiness. Their pre frontal cortex isn’t even fully developed yet!

Does what they want to do in life come into it?

But does it relate to 8 and 9s or A and A*

because it is on the cusp of being either and I think it makes a difference

because what a lot of us are saying is that implementation of a 9 diminishes the 7/A and the 4/C

I’d say there’s quite a difference in the majority views on this thread, compared to the MN education boards.

OP you might find it useful to post in the Secondary board for opinions.

The fact of that difference in views, is in itself interesting.

The effect on happiness is stronger for DC from disadvantaged backgrounds.

However, the article is clear that there is a direct correlation between higher GCSE grades and life happiness for all students.

Maybe they dont want to meet a partner at a Russel Group university and realise your dreams for yourself. If you dont knwo if your son is studying enough or not or stribing to do well or not, that is another issue. You expect him to have your drive and your ambition. It's not a bad thing to want the best for your child, but as a mother you need to model that to your child, not just expect they will read your mind and randomly learn the study skills from thin air.

I think drive is more about nature than nurture. Many of us have dc with varying levels of drive despite having the same parenting. There is only so much a parent can do or influence. Academic success is largely down to the individual.

@SeaSwim5 I think this article is more about under performing children from disadvantaged backgrounds. It’s not saying, for example, that a string of 9s has the potential for greater happiness than 6-8s.

Hi, @ZeldaFighter

Thanks for your updates. I have really appreciated the insight into your family situation, and it has been a pleasure to watch you assimilate some of the thoughtful comments here.

Knowing more now, I can see I didn’t give you enough credit at first. I stand by the ideas that we on MN still lack a clear idea of what would motivate and what would stress your middle DC, but I understand more of your concerns.

Here is my suggestion: ask DC about their plans. Not explicitly, because they may not be able to say. But they are of an age where, over a few conversations, they may come to enjoy talking with you about what, realistically, they see as a good future. (They may well not have a career or any idea of a degree programme in mind. Most at this stage don’t).

What do they see as their strengths? What skills do they want to develop? What environment might they want to work in? People focused, idea focused, tool focused etc? What if any academic subjects do they love and do these align with their strengths? If not would tutoring or online resources help? The early answers might be very vague but this will be a start. If these conversations are new you need to be low key so as not to startle DC, who may never have thought about these things. They will improve over time.

As you say, for understandable reasons this DC may have been somewhat overlooked. I think this kind of parental interest in helping them shape a future, then linking to the grades and activities that will make that future happen, will be more motivating than focusing directly on grades.

Best wishes

I’m not sure elevated thinking is particularly required at GCSE level, even for a 9.

A level and university, sure, but success at GCSE is unfortunately mostly about learning and regurgitating facts. I’m not sure assessing memory ability is particularly useful in 2025, but that’s the system we have.

I'm sure every parent would like that - whether it's attainable is another matter.

Let's face it, some children, no matter how many interventions are staged, no matter how many private tutors, no matter how much hard work, will never get more than a 5 and a 6 would be an absolute delight for their parent(s).

Frustratingly (for the parents), you can see that your child could do so much better but doesn't like the subject/doesn't like the teacher/simply can't be arsed as they're a teenager (and a whole host of other reasons!).

Others, despite every effort, will never make that leap from 7 to 9 as their brains just aren't wired that way (or at this point in their lives, aren't wired for more elevated thinking).

Unfortunately, Robbie Burns had the right of it. 'The best laid plans oft gang agley.'

No one has suggested working all hours. There is a healthy balance to be had that involves working hard while also leaving plenty of time for hobbies and relaxation.

My DC are various ages and did more than an hour “every other night” in year 7; it is not working hard for a year 10 student.

The reference to extended (vs core) probably comes from Cambridge IGCSE, where in maths and science subjects there are core and extended options.

Isn’t this about teaching children themselves to take in healthy levels of responsibility for themselves in aiming high?

It is possible to have high expectations of yourself or for your child, without that becoming a pressure cooker.

There is balance and nuance that n everything. It doesn’t have to be zero interest and aspiration or pressure cooker hot-house leading to mental break down.

The most effective teen learners are those who have a resilient mindset to learning and who are willing to push themselves but have balance in their lives. Too often parents are fearful of any kinds of encouragement Tipping’s their kid over the edge. This leads to typical low effort teen behaviour being accepted through fear by parents of saying anything and the teens themselves then see it as normal and have no sense anything else maybe possible or positive.

Healthy teens learn to hear advice from parents and teachers. They can weigh it and choose to act upon it. Hearing this stuff is part of growing up, even if it’s sometimes uncomfortable.

We do the kids no favours to never be willing to have the tricky conversations - because then as later teens and young adults it will all be new to them and they can still act like toddlers in response to any suggestions.

But this healthy mindset needs to start well before teen years. Being encouraged to aim to do your best whilst also being able to cope with failures and not being top has to be learned gradually through a young age and parents need to model it too. You can’t suddenly launch this in the GCSE year.

If their teachers believes they are capable of 9s, then yes, you are reasonable. If teacher says 9s might be a stretch, then back off a bit. Maybe push for 8s.

Please don't pressure them, I still remember my mum's reaction to me not getting As, 31 years ago. They're just a way to get to the next step - not getting all high grades didn't affect my career, but it did affect how I think about my mum

This is so insane. I got mediocre grades all through my life and am now doing much better in my career than my straight A Oxbridge husband. My incredibly competitive career to get into by the way.

I disagree. They do all day at school then he's doing extra afterwards too.

Sounds like they are doing brilliantly.
Let the school and your DC take care of the academics, and you take care of DC’s wellbeing and MH.
Support with pride and encouragement, but no pressure.
Support with making sure they take breaks to have fun, and keeping them well fed and hydrated.
Support with lots of love, hugs and ‘well done’s.

And above all else, don’t transmit your issues of anxiety and competitiveness onto them!!

Why have you not had your eldest child assessed for Dyslexia? Have you considered the pact you are having on him by not getting him assessed? He has missed out on help, extra time, adaptive devices etc.. calling him lazy is so unfair- maybe he has trouble processing things and comes across as lazy. You should get an ed psych report for him. Although a bit late for exam concessions now.

So is pushing them to work all hours to for a small benefit of one grade up rather than letting them find their natural rhythm in life

hiw old are yiur teens

Total nonsense and a terrible attitude to instil in teens.

No-one cares much about GCSEs six months later. 7s are As.