To want 9s not 7s for my child in their GCSEs?

Don’t make your child feel they should be getting x , y z !!
By the sounds of it , doing very well 👏.. and you should be proud !!!!!
Don’t Like your tone of disappointment being honest ..

I think as long as your child is doing well and is actively a model student then personally I think it is unreasonable to push them harder.
At the end of the day GCSE's don't really matter yes they help but they aren't the be all or end all anymore there are so many access courses and it sound like your child is working above average at the moment. I think as a parent we won't the best for them but have you thought about what your child wants? For context I left woth 5 C's everything else where Ds.
I was a model student tried very hard I just struggled to have school click for me. My parents pushed and pushed and it made me rebel and resent them because I was trying super hard just kept failing. I got into college in a good course with my grades they realised something was up and sent me for testing and counselling turns out I am dyslexic and autistic with a high level of masking through having strict parents. I struggled so much because I was deemed as not trying hard enough when in fact school life didn't work for me. I've excelled now as an adult.
School is such a shirt time of our lives dint pt pressure on where is not due.

He did watch several straight 9 students crash and burn in Yr12 because A levels are so much harder - and they weren't used to the graft.

This is my main concern with DS coasting. It's not the 9s, it's the putting in some effort and learning study skills. His dad coasted through a-levels too and came down to earth with a bump at uni.

I could not agree with you more. Putting pressure on a child to get grades that aren't achievable for them is going to end up with disastrous results. As long as your child works their hardest and does their best, that's all that matters.

@pointythings your son did brilliantly. Sounds like he had a balanced approach, worked hard and achieved well in all areas, whilst clearly having a preference for English, Language and History.....

Most people have subjects they are better at, that's life....very few are maths AND Literacy geniuses. These results show a child who really worked hard and did well. 8's and 9's across the board are unrealistic for the vast majority. GCSE's tick a box, but the next stage allows students to really concentrate on their strengths and interests.

Your child is working hard and doing well. If they were lazy and unmotivated, it might be different, but ffs. They're working hard already. They'll get what they'll get (and grade boundaries vary every year).

It's FAR better to have a well adjusted child getting decent passes (7 is an A, it's hardly disappointing) than a stressed out mess who still might not get 9s. What matters is a well rounded person doing THEIR best. Not some arbitrary number that you think they ought to get - doesn't sound like teachers are saying they should be all 9s but aren't putting the work in. Back off.

Teachers get massively scrutinised if they predict a high grade and the student doesn't achieve it, so they cautiously will set a lower target grade/prediction grade as it always reflect better on the teacher (and the School) if they exceed this as opposed to not making it.

It's not up to you to want something for your DC.

If they want 9s and are capable of 9s, by all means, encourage them to keep trying to 9s.

It sounds like they're happy with 6s and 7s, and no amount of you moaning about it will make them want 9s.

Grade 9 is only awarded to the top 0.5% or thereabouts of all candidates. Be proud of your children and their achievements

I think GCSEs are important but I really don't think 23 is old enough to measure lifelong happiness.
Did you feel that your success and happiness in life was defined at that age?

I was still in education at 23 so my GCSEs had already stopped being what I was judged on.

As a teacher, only the top 5% of students are expected to get a 9 and the grade boundaries move around to accommodate this expectation to ensure academic 'rigour' and 'consistency'
While your child should be encouraged to be ambitious, be cautious about adding any unnecessary stress and pressure that will cause them to feel disappointed and discouraged if they do not achieve 9s.
I've seen students: hit burnout right before their exams from excessive revision; completely ignore impending exams and revision; and even break down upon receiving good results (7s) out of fear of failing their parents.

Back when DS 17 was in primary school doing his SATs I remember a mum like you. DS 17 got 115 in maths, his friend got 110, friend's mum was scolding him that he shouldn't have played so many video games. DS 17's ability is natural, he's GAT and I've never pushed him. He wouldn't have done so well if he wasn't GAT.

Helping your child is one thing, pushing them is quite another.

Speaking as a parent first AND teacher second: let your child be them self. You are you, your child is a separate entity. It hurts, honestly, I know.
Guide them to be the best they can be. Don't make the mistake that you relive your life through them.
Good luck, love the time with them and be proud of their achievements.

This. In spades!

🙏❤️

They matter to a degree. But other factors are much more important. And what grades a person achieves at GCSE becomes less important in time. ‘Good’ grades (whatever that means) can open doors to the next stage, have a positive effect on self esteem and confidence. But there is also a danger (and social media is largely to blame for this) that kids can feel like failures unless they achieve top grades leading to a decline in mental health. And I believe that effect is more pronounced than the possible effect of top grades on increased happiness. So many kids are exhausted and burnt out from the pressure to achieve

I don’t disagree with any of that- well done to your DS for putting effort in. My view is that all DC should be working hard to achieve the best grade they are capable of in each subject- whether a 5 or a 9.

A number of posters have argued that only passing GCSEs matters and that DC should be delighted with 6s and 7s, which I don’t agree with if they are capable of better.

working all hours to try and achieve a result that you may not achieve and feeling you have failed if you don’t is harmful

setting yourself up for constantly having to work all hours because of unnecessary pressure to achieve grades is harmful

failing to have a balanced approach to life is harmful

not recognising that actually a 7 is a bloody good grade is harmful

not recognising that in year 10 a 6 and a 7 is potentially likely to be an 8 or a 9 is also an issue

getting the balance is important and personally o find your attitude has the potential to be harmfil

as o said DD is Year 11 Grammar and sees the effect on her peers this approach has

I agree that exam results do matter, but there's a balance to be had between supporting a child to reach maximum potential (which I agree with) and putting on pressure for achievements that aren't a realistic reflection of that child's academic capacities.

For my DS, a 7 in maths, chem and bio was the absolute far end of possible. And he worked his backside off to get them. The 6 he got in physics was an absolute bloody miracle. The 9 in English Lang was fully as expected, as were the 8s in French and History. He wasn't capable of getting all 9s, he got the absolute maximum out of his GCSEs with two 6s his lowest grades and we were so, so proud after all the work he put in.

He did watch several straight 9 students crash and burn in Yr12 because A levels are so much harder - and they weren't used to the graft.

It is interesting and very sad to see that so many posters want to encourage such lazy and harmful attitudes to education.

Because the study doesn’t support your view that GCSE results don’t matter, you don’t think the age they’ve chosen to measure happiness at is old enough 😂

Thank you for the update, @ZeldaFighter

TBF, @WombatChocolate , she thought of this for herself! Thank you for your kind words and for further useful advice.

Op, such a positive update and lovely to see that what Poetry suggested was helpful.

I wonder if this might be of interest to other readers of this thread, to see parental engagement and encouragement as not meaning hot housing or pressure. It’s about enabling the kids to think themselves about what helps them progress - and that’s a gradual thing towards being a mature and eventually independent learner who can effectively self evaluate and access people and resources to self evaluate and then to take action and make progress.

I love the conversation you had with your DC and what a positive start it was. And hopefully that felt comfortable to you both and not pushy at all as some seem to fear such things would be.