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Original poster

To wonder if sister murdered or harmed deliberately ?

116 replies

Lavenderfarmcottage · 13/03/2025 15:48

My sister died aged 40 last year during a mental health ward admission/stay for mental health episode. I am not in the UK but an English speaking country with a health system similar.
I was told the hospital report into death would be thorough. Directors said it was likely the diazepam which shouldn’t have been prescribed with suspected sleep apnoea.
Recently spoke to a Journalist and read the report with fresh eyes. On the morning of her death there are conflicting statements about whether she was settled or sleeping. I have attached a photo. This report was signed by 5 executives/ directors at hospital get the report contradicts itself.
I have contacted the coroner and been igbored and the hospital. My Mother has said she thinks it’s suspicious and more than negligence but then stonewalled me and said she wouldn’t enter into discussions until my sister’s house had settled and money disbursed as that is her priority (my Mum & I are only beneficiaries). This is true to form for my Mother but I was upset that and then shut down the conversation. My Mother hasn’t read the report so it was strange for her to have this view.
I recently spoke to a Journalist who went quiet and blanked me when I asked if she’d talk to the hospital. When I asked if it was a police matter she gave me a vague answer saying she hadn’t had time to consider this but it did occur to her.
I note my sisters diazepam (cause for concern flagged in report) was left unchanged at hospital 1 & 2 despite other medications being changed 5 times.
I think what bothering me is the conflicting statements in the report and everyone stonewalling.

I think the diazepam is a read herring and I think the report conflicts because they weren’t ready to tell me what has happened but had to issue a report.

I also received weird texts from a random in the weeks before my sisters death from someone claiming we’d met. They sent me a photo of someone that wasn’t me and claimed that it was me and we’d met at the pool. At the end of the exchange they said they knew my sister and named two places she’d worked. When I showed the photo of this person to my sister she didn’t recognise her.
The above weird texter is one of of many weird contacts. My Dad died suspiciously close to a very large fraud against him that I tried to get a solicitor over. I was told recently that those involved in the fraud had police and government contexts and it’s all very dirty and that anyone who goes near it is shut down. This has been my experience as I tried for years to get answers and here I am.
I think it’s very very unlikely my sister was killed but after the diabolical push back I received regarding my Dad (I’m still not allowed to view his coronial file years later or get answers) and have been blocked from court cases and other info. I have been intimidated etc and so forth and approached over 140 lawyers and coincidentally none can help me. I think maybe anything is possible.

OP posts:
Original poster
Lavenderfarmcottage · 13/03/2025 16:30

Of course I’m upset and want to talk about it especially when I’m repeatedly shut down and silenced from every avenue.

The theory that I am struggling to process grief is irrelevant. The fact is that the responses and reports are conflicting and suspicious and that leaves me even more confused. That would compound anyone’s grief.

OP posts:
Original poster
Lavenderfarmcottage · 13/03/2025 16:28

ItGhoul · 13/03/2025 16:24

OP, I think you've posted about this a few times now and I think perhaps it's actually counter-productive. You obviously want to talk about this but nobody here can help you go through the details of this. If you think there is something illegal that has happened you could consult a lawyer in your home country (Australia?) but I think perhaps it's more likely that you are trying to make sense of your grief by wanting someone to blame, when in fact it's perhaps likely that nobody is to blame.

How would you even know ?

im probably posting more than once because its two deaths in my immediate family that have more questions than answers and cagey responses from the
government and a police force refusing to investigate or respond about any questions.

there is a double up on this thread because if an error I made posting.

OP posts:
dairydebris · 13/03/2025 16:27

Lavenderfarmcottage · 13/03/2025 16:12

If you suspected two immmediate family members had died suspiciously, would you not want all the information and to speak to relevent people ?

a grief counsellor won’t know this.

You can’t know whether I am building a false narrative without the facts. I say that I have suspicions.

i agree that it’s unhealthy to be on mumsnet discussing this. I think it’s absolutely extraordinary and unusual that I am alone and isolated with nobody to go over these issues.

I don’t think it’s normal to be fed half a story about two deaths when there’s information available.

I dont say you're building a false narrative. We can't know that. I just say this narrative is obsessing you so much that it's a negative presence in your life. It's not serving you well, is it?

I say you've tried your hardest to get information, you've gotten a good deal more info about your family members passing than many have. I just don't think carrying on investigating is bringing you any more happiness or closure. I'm saying perhaps consider letting it go, grieving your loved ones, and concentrating on your future life.

ItGhoul · 13/03/2025 16:24

OP, I think you've posted about this a few times now and I think perhaps it's actually counter-productive. You obviously want to talk about this but nobody here can help you go through the details of this. If you think there is something illegal that has happened you could consult a lawyer in your home country (Australia?) but I think perhaps it's more likely that you are trying to make sense of your grief by wanting someone to blame, when in fact it's perhaps likely that nobody is to blame.

Original poster
Lavenderfarmcottage · 13/03/2025 16:16

I think it’s highly unusual to be left with bread crumbs and a Mother claiming it’s suspicious and slamming the door on discussions. Also a coroner that won’t respond about basic information yet again. I think most of the agencies have been cold, inept and yes I absolutely think something untoward is possible given the vast sums and that an Australian police agency intimidated me to let it go.

i understand the need for grief counselling but the point of this post is about how unusual the situation is and oppressive especially with the report.

OP posts:
Original poster
Lavenderfarmcottage · 13/03/2025 16:13

loropianalover · 13/03/2025 16:12

I would still speak to your GP. They will have experience with these types of reports (complete or incomplete) and will also have experience in listening to grieving family members.

Schedule an appointment with them and ask to be referred to a psychiatrist or psychologist so that you can have someone to speak to weekly/every second week. You are going through a lot and are struggling with a lack of information so it’s important to look after yourself too and do some self care. Grief counselling is a very normal part of the grieving process and you never know what wisdom/insight they will have for you! It’s not about them having ‘info’ on ‘what happened’, it’s about them having tools that will help you cope while you work through all this and figure things out yourself. Outside perspective is very important.

Edited
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Thankyou. I’m already paying for my son and can’t afford it at the present time.

OP posts:
loropianalover · 13/03/2025 16:12

Lavenderfarmcottage · 13/03/2025 15:59

Someone stole money from him, I believe and it appears this sum is 1.9 million or more but the police are not confirming if they have or are looking into it.

i haven’t spoken to my GP because the coronial finding is incomplete. The hospital have been vague with answers on the report and there are conflicting facts about what happened in the report.

Edited
Show quote history

I would still speak to your GP. They will have experience with these types of reports (complete or incomplete) and will also have experience in listening to grieving family members.

Schedule an appointment with them and ask to be referred to a psychiatrist or psychologist so that you can have someone to speak to weekly/every second week. You are going through a lot and are struggling with a lack of information so it’s important to look after yourself too and do some self care. Grief counselling is a very normal part of the grieving process and you never know what wisdom/insight they will have for you! It’s not about them having ‘info’ on ‘what happened’, it’s about them having tools that will help you cope while you work through all this and figure things out yourself. Outside perspective is very important.

Original poster
Lavenderfarmcottage · 13/03/2025 16:12

If you suspected two immmediate family members had died suspiciously, would you not want all the information and to speak to relevent people ?

a grief counsellor won’t know this.

You can’t know whether I am building a false narrative without the facts. I say that I have suspicions.

i agree that it’s unhealthy to be on mumsnet discussing this. I think it’s absolutely extraordinary and unusual that I am alone and isolated with nobody to go over these issues.

I don’t think it’s normal to be fed half a story about two deaths when there’s information available.

OP posts:
dairydebris · 13/03/2025 16:05

I think I remember your other post about your Dad.

I think if you chose to look at things a certain way then there are always suspicious circumstances.

However, nothing you investigate will bring back either of your family members. Even if you were to find out that something untoward did take place, how would that help?

I think you are building a narrative to explain tragedies that possibly have no explanation, because it's too painful for these things to have happened for no reason. This is understandable, but now these narratives are obsessing you so much they are interfering with your ability to enjoy your life moving forwards.

I think stop contacting lawyers, who don't see a case worth persuing, and instead spend some time with a grief counselor.

Mooselooseinmyhoose · 13/03/2025 16:04

In my experience there is always conflicting information about how someone died and generally speaking I would find it more suspicious if every statement relayed the same thing identically at the same time.

It's highly unlikely to be the same coroner who dealt with your father's death who considered all the evidence and concluded it was not suspicious.

Have you had access to grief counselling? You say you're satisfied it's extremely unlikely your sister was murdered. In which case don't harm yourself torturing yourself about it.

Original poster
Lavenderfarmcottage · 13/03/2025 15:59

loropianalover · 13/03/2025 15:52

Have you spoken with your GP about your sisters death and the questions you have about the reports?

You say your dad died suspiciously, what do you mean by this? What was the fraud ‘against’ him - did someone de-fraud him of money/assets, or did he have a fraud charge against him?

Someone stole money from him, I believe and it appears this sum is 1.9 million or more but the police are not confirming if they have or are looking into it.

i haven’t spoken to my GP because the coronial finding is incomplete. The hospital have been vague with answers on the report and there are conflicting facts about what happened in the report.

OP posts:
Original poster
Lavenderfarmcottage · 13/03/2025 15:57

Itisbetter · 13/03/2025 15:56

I agree that the most likely explanation is that you need help yourself to process what has happened.

I don’t know what has happened and there’s conflicting informsation. It’s absolutely not normal and an unreasonable expectation for someone to process and grieve a death where there’s conflicting and missing information & a Mother claiming it’s suspicious and then shutting down the conversation.

OP posts:
Itisbetter · 13/03/2025 15:56

I agree that the most likely explanation is that you need help yourself to process what has happened.

loropianalover · 13/03/2025 15:52

Have you spoken with your GP about your sisters death and the questions you have about the reports?

You say your dad died suspiciously, what do you mean by this? What was the fraud ‘against’ him - did someone de-fraud him of money/assets, or did he have a fraud charge against him?

sprigatito · 13/03/2025 15:52

I think you should consider that you may have some mental health needs of your own, and that you should talk all of this over with a professional. Your GP would be a good starting point.

Mooselooseinmyhoose · 13/03/2025 15:50

Did you post before about your dad's situation? Are you in Australia?

Only asking because I may have advice re uk coroners but know nothing re Australian system.

Sorry for your loss.