My child's watching porn

You sound absolutely clueless about internet safety and I don’t mean to cause offence with saying that.

He cannot be trusted so you remove his devices, he is a child and you are the adult!

Unless you want your child to be groomed and become addicted to porn, because that’s what your OP screams at me.

You need parental control on your home WiFi and connected to all of your children’s devices and that way you can block and control what your children’s devices are able to access.

The only way your children would be able to remove parental control is if you gave them access to the passowrd.

id recommend the Qustodio, is what I have for my own children.

id also be worried about your children being connected to black web sites through sites like Instagram, discord and snap chat!

I have voted YABU as you don’t seem willing to take steps any parent should.

Really....

I'd say there was a major difference in logging on and having a quick look to see what all the fuss is about to what sounds like this DC that doesn't know when to stop.

Just stop giving the tech back. He has had his chances.

No devices. None at all. Also, occupy him so much that when he makes it to his bed in the evening, he won't be able to stay awake 5 minutes. Sign him up for sports, exhaust him physically and then sign him up for extra tuition at school (maths society, etc.), check his results and insist on improvement.

If the above does not result in a reformed child, sign him up for psychology sessions and tell him 'This is for treating perverts', call a spade a spade. This is not 'pornography', this is human exploitation and he is a pervert, sorry.

If that does not work, tell him that you are thinking of going to school and embarrassing him in front of his teachers by telling them what sort of problem he has. And mean it.

Brick phone.
computer in living room/kitchen which ever is supervised.
removal of key board and mouse when not being supervised.

he can do work on a computer with no WiFi on Microsoft word etc if school requires extended typeing.

this will be hard for you to police, but you are the parent and he needs to be protected from further damage.

Find IT Security Services, explain your concerns, discuss blocking options, there are many. Pay to ensure the devices are policed correctly.

Remove his devices. Have you talked to a therapist about his behaviour or a religious leader possibly? Don't try to embarass him but he needs help and should know that it's not OK.

God help any children you have. It is not normal, what is depicted in porn these days maybe very unsafe. Porn online is not the same as the smutty mags from the top shelf of the news agents of the 1990s. You need to educate yourself if you are a parent.

More a wind up merchant I suspect, don’t engage.

No devices and I's look for some counselling for him as god only knows what he has seen and now thinks is normal.

You're an absolute pervert.

No it fucking isn't normal to watch porn at 13.

Of course it's normal to be interested in seeing naked bodies of the opposite sex at that age, but until recent years with the unfettered access to every type of porn with a quick tap of a finger on a phone it was pretty bloody difficult for a 13 year old to actually see porn.

They may be have been able to see a topless page 3 model but they wouldn't have been able to buy or watch porn videos or magazines and they certainly wouldn't have seen anything like what is available these days.

What concerns would you have about that? I'm genuinely curious.

https://www.nspcc.org.uk/keeping-children-safe/online-safety/inappropriate-explicit-content/online-porn/

You might get some good info here op.

This has to be a fucking joke😂

It’s NOT normal at 13 to be watching porn and it’s harmful to suggest otherwise.

I'd actually be more concerned that no matter how many long conversations you have or how many times you've removed the device he's still hell bent on seeking out porn once the device is returned.

You say you don't really want to remove his devices permanently.

He's shown he doesn't want to stop watching porn...

You as an adult get to choose which one you're more prepared to let happen.

The harm is that depending on where ops son is accessing porn, he could be exposed to more and more violent/ extreme porn which can affect relationships/ body image/expectations of a partner/views of women etc that at 13 he's too young to be equipped to process properly.

Any children that I've worked with who have asked other children from nudes are children who have been using porn from an early age without understanding the harmful aspects of it and the difference between porn and real life relationships. This is particularly important for any nd child.

Echoing all the other advice. OP you know what you need to do. 😌

What’s wrong with that? He’s 13, it’s developmentally normal to watch porn at that age. All his friends will be doing it.

OP, if you restrict his tech access, he will look elsewhere for the porn - i.e. asking other children for nudes

Act like an actual adult and be a parent. He's your child, not your friend. Say no. You don't need long conversations about it. He's 13 years old, not 18 for crying out loud.

Take away his smart phone, give him a dumb phone if he really needs one, although he can surely manage without. If he needs internet access for homework he can use laptop/pc in a communal area under supervision.

I can't believe you didn't do that the minute you found out what he'd been watching.

Someone more tech savvy than me might tell you how to block those types of sites from your WiFi, but I don't know how.

But I absolutely agree that he needs the devices removed.

I agree with what pps have said (bar the poster who suggested he was addicted because actual porn addiction is rare and extreme as opposed to a boy just through puberty experimenting and being curious which is developmentally normal even if the means he's using are not ideal.)

I think along with locking down the devices in a way he cannot access, I would be getting some support firstly for yourself in terms of what is the best way to lock down his devices especially since porn is now accessible on very mainstream social media and algorithms can be very dangerous for young people who are curious as they can just start to filter in more extreme content. Secondly, I'd be doing a bit of research about how to have these conversations with your ds.

You need to make sure you're not shaming him in any way, he needs to know he can come to you in an emotionally safe way to talk about things like this that can be really uncomfortable to talk about both for a young teen and for parents. You need to work out what he's trying to get from it, what other safer means could he use to get the same information or safely fulfil his curiosity, and you need to find a way to have an honest conversation about porn and porn platforms and why they aren't safe for kids to use (and then going into the issues of consent, rape, iioc, revenge porn in age suitable language). The average age for children to be exposed to porn is now something horrific like 11, so it's essential you use this as an opportunity to equip your son with the information and means to be safe rather than just locking everything down.

This is really difficult. He’s 13, going to be curious, going to Google things. Which is natural and not a problem.

What he’ll find when he Googles is a major problem.

But I think there’s a generation of kids who have grown up watching their parents and other adults constantly on our phones etc and they think that’s normal. Taking it off them might be easier said than done. But it doesn’t sounds like there’s an alternative here, you’ve caught him multiple times and he clearly can’t be trusted right now.

Do all parental controls stop at 13? I’m not at this stage yet so I don’t know.

Pretty sure you can get apps which allow you to disconnect wifi from certain devices. Would something like this work? His devices are only connected when you allow and can supervise him?

Unfortunately although you can take his devices just now ultimately his decision to watch porn or not when he is older will be down to his morality rather than yours. And I’m not sure you can expect young stupid men to resist temptation. Porn is after all designed and made to shall we say, stimulate men.

But for the moment he’s 13, take his devices if that’s the only option.