Daughter isolated in new city with new boyfriend who won’t go home

Ran over twice, beaten up, He’s been involved with, or is involved with drugs and some very shady people.
I can guarantee it and I would be concerned that he has introduced your daughter to drugs as well. It all adds up, no money, looking exhausted and not leaving her room. It’s drugs, I’m telling you.

Just adding to the chorus of 'no, this isn't right' - I'd also go up there pronto and weigh up the situation in the first instance.

She sounds vulnerable and your instincts are there for a reason.
I m also skeptical about his hard luck stories, very convenient for him to come out with all that when he doesn't want to go home.

He's probably using her money so she's broke buying for both of them. Bet he doesn't contribute to food either.

Also 24? There's a world of difference between 18 and 24 year old. Why is he attracted to someone with basically no life experience? Why hasn't he got a gf his own age? Because 24 year old women probably wouldn't touch him with a bargepole!

Yes go and see her. I don't like the c word anyway but pretending it's all "bantz" rings wrong to me. Does he call your dd that?

Seen plenty of my dds friends in crappy relationships when they were this age. One has only just got free of her freeloader partner age 30 (though she has kids with him).

Is she in halls of residence or a house share?

I’m not sure whether I would believe the “he’s in pain all the time and doesn’t even want to have sex” line. Equally if it is true, added with the fact she’s now running out of money despite not really going anywhere or doing anything, it would concern me he is perhaps self medicating, be it pain killers or something worse and manipulating her into helping fund it.

Or maybe I’m just paranoid.

Tread carefully OP, be curious but friendly, find out as much as you can.

Sorry, but it seems naive to think they aren't having sex. Also, do you think she may be leaving her phone in her room when she goes out which makes it appear that she hasn't left in days? I do agree that this guy sounds like a weirdo.

I would be straight up there .
He is free loading .
How convenient to have a sad story . It may even be true but that is not your 18 year old daughters responsibility .
How selfish he is sleeping in her single bed making life uncomfortable for her .
I'd go and see what the story is perhaps there is a rule about letting non students stay in her accommodation and she could use this to get rid of him .
Absolute user imo.

Have you actually spoken to her in the last 2 days?

This!!!

This, tread carefully OP. I would have been mortified if my mum made a thread about me at 18 years old. Do no push her away it’s the last thing you want right now

See I think this would push her DD away, also, might be good for OP to meet this guy? Yes to having some alone time but I think telling her that her bf isn’t included isn’t the right thing to do

There’s absolutely no point visiting if he’s going to be present like he is on calls.

The op can arrange a spa visit or something that naturally excludes him. There’s no benefit to meeting him. His actions have already told the op who he is. He’s moved himself into a young girls room and is probably financially exploiting her. He’s inserted himself into calls with her family and thinks it’s bants to swear at them.

The man is manipulative and a liar. I don’t know any woman who could hold down a young man in his twenties. His claims of being in constant pain make think he’s some sort of addict.

Please don't show her this thread because she might show him this thread and that might not be the best for her.

You had better rescue her. Now, today. She probably won't thank you for it but don't leave her where she's being, used, exploited and demoralised. She may be 'an adult' but she's not fully cooked yet. He's got his own issues. Don't make them hers.

Go up op. Re her not coming back that's vvv common and not to worry about. The money and tiredness you need to go up and see what's happening. Of course they having sex. Shes an adult but young and there's a world of difference between 18 and 24. Go with your gut and go and see your daughter op

I’d probably be in the car on my way there right now tbh, I mean, she hasn’t left her room for 2 days, why on earth are you paying any attention to nonsense talk about her “schedule” and her apparent lack of time to see you if you visit?!?

Bizzare.

She’s in her first year of uni, first year living independently, first boyfriend. This is all very new and she needs help navigating it all as clearly she is making mistakes.

If she were my daughter, I’d be getting the train there today.

Please do go up as soon as you can. An almost identical scenario happened to a friend and she ended up dropping out and never really recovered after that as he quickly dumped her and got on with his life.

Go see her asap
At a minimum this man has issues that she is not equipped to deal with.
Tread carefully or she will shut down but you do need to at least try

YANBU

Go see her asap and make sure she’s ok xx

I'd be very worried OP.

I'd go as soon as possible and try to get alone time without him, subtlety. Facials, underwear shopping, anything female you can suggest where you might get her alone.

You need to intervene asap. This is very worrying

If she’s been skipping lectures and seminars and hasn’t left her room for two days then why does her schedule matter? I’d be going tomorrow.

I also wouldn’t worry about having to ask for some alone time with her, I bet he disappears for your visit, whenever it is.

I’d be worried.

I would be up there and telling her she needs to move home.
He's living off her and taking advantage of her.
Get his name and visit the local police station to ask about.
I would give her two choices, he stays away from her accommodation or she moves home.
She sounds vulnerable and he's a predator.