First off I will say that DH does an incredible amount at home and for our family compared to many husbands. He runs his own business which allows him the flexibility to wfh most of the time so usually does the school pick ups for our youngest 4 days a week, and our oldest 3 days. We both do morning drop offs every day and I do pick ups on the days he doesn't. I have less flexibility with pick ups because I'm often on calls which is why he does most of them.
Unlike DH I work for a company. My role over the past few years required me to be the office 1 day a week (30 min commute), and occasionally be in London / elsewhere a day or two a handful of times a month. Once a quarter I would be required to travel to another office for 2 days (including overnight). DH was very disgruntled with my working arrangement and felt I wasn't around enough to support with the children.
DH works very hard and his business provides for our family very well. About triple what I bring in. Salary and progression have been a real struggle for me in my career, partly because of previously undiagnosed ADHD and very low self esteem. I'm now diagnosed and on medication. It's been life changing for me and I've excelled at work performance wise, but progression has been slow (but it is happening). Still, my salary is fairly low (roughly £40k). DH feels my salary doesn't contribute enough to our household income given my workload & travel requirements (see below). For reference I have benchmarked my role and the pay is in the range of most others I've found. Albeit at the lower end of the range. But it's not uncommon.
I've been trying very hard over the past year to progress in my role and move to a senior position. I've managed a small pay rise, and the responsibilities in my role have changed slightly over the past 6 months. I wfh 3 days a week, travel overnight to our other office 2-3 quarters rather than 4 like I'd done previously. There are less ad-hoc days I'm required to be in London meeting agencies and clients. But there are several times I year I'm required to travel for work. However this is not often, and usually not for long. So far it's just been once about 6 months ago for 3 days.
I've been incredibly anxious to tell him that I'm now required to travel abroad and be away from home for a week. This overlaps with a weekend due to flights, schedules and time zones. Not only is attendance mandatory and a critical element of my role, but I see it as an important step towards progressing in my career.
DH completely flipped out when I told him. He can't understand 'how my company expects me to leave my family for a week'. I've tried to explain to him that I am the only person with my role in the company and attending the meetings and events on this trip is a mandatory and crucial element to my role. If I said I couldn't go and had to have someone else go in my place, I'd be handing over a defining element of my job and I feel it would put me at a significant disadvantage for future career growth.
I've tried to explain that a lot of others in my team (same level as myself) are all required to come into the office 2 days a week, travel to our other office a few times a year, and occasionally travel abroad. Often more frequent than myself, but usually just for a couple nights. Many don't have families, but some do (including several mothers).
All DH does is criticise I don't support enough at home and don't earn enough. I love my job, and perform very well in it. He doesn't really understand the dynamics, politics and strains of the corporate world because he's never worked a corporate job. He can't understand that I just can't cancel a call at the drop of a hat to collect one of the children if he's in the middle of something.
AIBU in sticking with my role and my vision to progress on a career path I enjoy? It's taken me 20 years of various corporate jobs to finally find one I'm good at and that I enjoy.