To think that people who say “kids are a blessing” just don’t want to admit they regret it?

We go down the path we go down and sometimes that blocks off other avenues.

Sometimes we are prevented from going down the path we wanted to. And that is why it sometimes hurts when people say their lives would be empty and meaningless without children. But then we find, or at least I did, unexpected meaning, fulfilment and joy in the other paths that open up to us as a result of that one path closing.

I don't think I would want to carry on living if I lost a child ,people have to but I ,can't begin to imagine the pain they must feel.

@LucyMonth
"it’s more that I think it’s a bit of an eye roll when people make their children the only think in their lives and erode themselves in the process. Like their life was a complete meaningless waste of time until they were “blessed” with a child/children."

Yep, I agree. So many women on this thread saying their children gave them a purpose to live. I love my son, I'd lay my life down for him, but he didn't give me a purpose to live and he isn't/wasn't the only incredible joy I've had in my life.

Because people can only speak about their own experiences, I always knew I wanted children at some point and my two sons are the best thing that's ever happened to me despite my youngest having significant disabilities
But I csn only talk about me.

@ByBluntBiscuit shouldyou come back to your thread:

Don't project your own feelings onto other people!

Some people have tried for years to have there own family and when it happens it is a blessing for them.
Some pop them out like cherry`s for the child benefit or the benefits or the CM.
Others have children or just one and cant cope and need an army to help.
Some regret it and wont admit it others do admit it.
Others have a child and now they are grown up they go on to have more later on in life and cant cope as well as they thought they would.
Some do a better job having them younger others do a better job having them older.
Its a mixed bag.
But i think all children are a blessing they just dont always get born the right family.
Im childless as i never wanted them i have no regrets with my choice.

My dc is the best thing in my life but I would never use the phrase “kids are a blessing” when talking to anyone. There is something vaguely smug and irritating about it… generally nothing to do with regretting kids though I don’t think

I think you are being ridiculous. Just because for one person their kids gave their life meaning doesn't mean that's the only meaning life can have!
Some actress wins an Oscar.. are we all to be devastated when she says "acting gave my life meaning!" Coz oh no I'm not an actress so my life must have no meaning!!
Don't be silly.
What gives your life meaning is deeply personal to the individual. And people should be able to talk about it without other people getting their knickers in a twist.
For some people motherhood is what they wanted and it brought meaning into their lives
I never wanted to be a mother but became one by accident and yes it did bring meaning into my life that wasn't there before but I do not for one second think that if I hadn't happened to have kids, that there wouldn't have been other things that brought just as much meaning to my life.
And I know full well that there are many deep and meaningful experiences other people are having that I will never have.
I don't need then to stop talking about them. That's just life. We go down the path we go down and sometimes that blocks off other avenues. Stop dwelling on how other people structure meaning in their lives. This shouldn't hurt you. It's about them. Kids ARE something that can bring great meaning to someone's life. That doesn't mean life is meaningless without them or there isn't as much meaning in anything else.
And it's not the fault of individual women who love being mothers, talking about that, that has caused the pressure on all women to prioritise having kids.

If they do it’s only for the children’s sake. It’s horrendous for your mum to die when you’re a child.

I agree, most threads just turn into a pile on when someone needs help, posts that are obviously light-hearted get ripped to shreds and everyone thinks all parents "nowadays" are awful, which is strange as literally hundreds of posts state "I do xyz but NOBODY ELSE I KNOW DOES and that's why ALL kids (except mine) are terrible" 🙄

And yeah it's almost frowned upon to dare say anything positive about kids or parenting now.

Trust me they really do. Obviously not everyone no. But it certainly isn’t no one.

Indeed very odd I get thst some posters won't be parents but to start a deliberately provocative thread against children on a parenting site is decidedly odd.

Just not true unfortunately.

Well that’s horrible of her to say that but no one thinks someone with children is worth more than someone without children.

I have many regrets in my life. However, I have never regretted having my child. This doesn’t mean that my parenting was full of joy every single moment. But as my child grows, I see them as a bud that has yet to bloom. My only regret is that I didn’t enjoy more moments when my child was a baby because I didn’t fully understand the nature of babies. I feel I missed out on their babyhood, which I now describe as precious and full of wonder. Part of the reason for my regret is that they are going to be my only child, and I will never have another chance to experience my own baby growing up. Babies and kids are truly wonderful beings.

Me thinks the OP is projecting and being a little defensive. I genuinely adore my kids and don’t regret them for a second. Most of us feel the same. Deal with your own shit.

I don’t really want to post specifics on here and was trying be vague in my example. But I was once due to have a serious and risky operation. It was mentioned at work by a friend of mine and we were discussing it. One lady I didn’t know well looked very concerned and said “oh that sounds very scary! How terrible for you! Do you have children?” I said no. Her demeanour totally changed. “Oh right. Well I’m sure it’ll go fine. At least you don’t need to worry about leaving any kids motherless”. And she just started talking to someone else. This is the reality a lot of them time.

Getting sick of reading this on MN too, though I know OP is winding up.

And you are exactly right: it is too big a subject to fit in a box.

I adore mine ❤️ But they do challenge me im ways i never thought possible. Which is a good thing as well as exhausting. So both are true. Would i have them if i had the choice again? 100% yes.

Biggest blessing and biggest curse because everything is so worrisome thinking about their future: environment, potential nuclear wars, job prospects, ds1 disability which will make him dependant of me and then someone forever... my life is better with them but maybe I was selfish having them because I was too optimistic about the future.

life is not meaningless without children.

We all find meaning, our happiness, with whatever fills our soul.

From my purely personal observation, food, travel, friends, disposable income, however you choose to give your life meaning, is totally valid ofc.

Children, for me, though, is the pinnacle of fulfillment.

I think you're projecting and tbh I'm getting sick of reading about how all parents are filled with regret and must miss their freedom on this site - it's too big a life change to fit neatly in a box. I've found parenting tiring and overwhelming at times but I adore waking up and having my two ruffled-haired goblins running around and chatting away. I would never be without them.

The point there is that it will be horrible for the children to lose their mum, not that Mary is more important because she has children.

I swear there was this exact thread a week or so ago

Why do people always say their lives are “meaningless” without children? I know you did well to specifically say “your” life. But it’s this constant message that lives are meaningless, joyless, loveless etc unless you have children that really hurts.
“Oh did you hear “Mary” (aged 40) has cancer?”
“Oh how terrible! She has children! That’s awful!!”
Which gives the message that if she didn’t have children it wouldn’t really matter because her life is pretty meaningless after all.