To think punctuality is a sign of basic respect?

There is a lot of ADHD in my family, but we still all think it’s rude to be late. I think if you genuinely care about not being late, you can generally manage not to be, it just can take some work, and some planning. It’s sometimes a lot of effort, but it matters to me a lot too.

My Dc know what time they have to leave the house for school, and they stick rigidly to that. We have a clock in every room, and the other family members will all shout for a missing person if they haven’t appeared downstairs. At home we all look out for each other. We have an emergency box of snacks for if you mistimed and missed out on eating before you had to leave.

Reading about the time blindness thing, my mind is genuinely blown that some people can tell inside their heads how much time has passed. I don’t have a clue - but I do have a clock!
I know that I can easily start doing a task and get totally distracted by it - so if I need to be somewhere at a specific time, I just won’t start that sort of task. Or if I absolutely have to do it, I’ll set an alarm to remind me ten minutes before.
I have the radio on in the morning, so I get a time check every ten minutes or so.

These days I can use google maps to work out how long it will take me to get somewhere, and from that I can work out when I need to leave. I add ten minutes for contingencies. If I’m too early, I’ll wait in the car (or at the station, or bus stop or wherever). I’m seldom late for something I’ve planned beforehand - if I’ve not planned I can be an hour late easily.

I don’t know instinctively how long things will take - but I have a good memory, so if I take the trouble to time something, then I can remember it for next time. If I didn’t have a good memory, I suppose I could write it down.
Then working out when you need to start getting ready, get up, set off etc it’s just a question of maths.

Given that it was me you initially replied to, I can say I probably would take my seat about 7.20, with a drink, programme and settle in to enjoy it. You're being ridiculous with your "sitting in the dark" and cutting it that fine does mean that if you get caught behind someone moving slowly or trying to get into their own row and waiting for people to gather up and stand you're then going to be late to your seat. I just don't get why that's preferable.

I know lots of theatres where you would definitely be struggling to just get in and to your seat in 10 mins. 5 mins before curtain up is sensible to be in the auditorium (final bell is at 3 mins). Just FYI, since you are always arriving too late, the lights don't go down until the show/play is starting. You’ve given away that either you never go to the theatre or you always arrive after the show has started and irritate the fuck out of everyone else just so you don’t have to sit for 2 mins and wait. And yet you think people should be happy to wait for you in a coffee shop when you can’t get there in time. Proves the arrogance/think your time is more important point really, doesn’t it?

I had a friend who was always late when we met. Often 20 minutes but it was every time. One time she came in 15 minutes late and explained it was because she was five minutes early and didn't want to just sit and wait so she popped to the shop. I was annoyed so I said "but it was okay for me to sit here waiting for you?" and probably other things.

If I was ever later than her, which only happened on two occasions and one of them she'd just got the wrong day, she'd immediately call me to tell me she's there as if why should she wait for me.

We're not friends any more, not because of that but similar things.

No, the lights only go down when the curtain goes up.

How precise. You must manage your time very well. Very efficiently.

I reckon I'd enter the auditorium at about 7.28. Get in, sit down, curtain up. Easy.

If I got to the theatre at 7:15 I'd be quite happy to sit in the bar for a quick drink, but I don't think the others on this thread would be happy to. They're off to the auditorium to sit in the dark for ten minutes.

I hate lateness and the excuse of time blindness. If you know you struggle with getting places on time, start using methods to help you manage your time. The very same people that use time blindness are the people that have a hissy fit if they are left waiting for someone or if their Doctor is running 5 minutes late, they are bloody well aware of time then. Lateness is rudeness no matter how you paint it.

It does tickle me that people are trying to portray persistent lateness as some sort of inalienable fact about somebody that can't possibly ever change and is unreasonable to expect to change lol.

If you told these people if they made it to this building at 10am every day for a week they would receive a million pounds or a brand new house, you'd be damned sure they'd be there.

People make an effort for things they value, and if someone is consistently late, they don't value you or your time.

I know plenty of neurodivergent friends who struggle with executive function, time management, organisational skills. They care about not making their friends feel disrespected and like utter sh!t, and about not inadvertently causing their friends a great deal of anxiety and stress hanging around waiting not knowing if or when someone will arrive.

One of my best friends struggles with this immensely due to being autistic and living with ADHD. They do all sorts to ensure they're ready when I come and pick them up. Setting multiple alarms with different labels for different tasks. Post-it notes on things. Getting dressed an hour before instead of 5m before because they know they will get distracted halfway through and start trying different necklaces on and before they know it it's time to go and they haven't even packed their bag or got their shoes on. Putting everything they need by the door the day before (keys, handbag, shoes, etc.) so they can just pick it up and go.

Because they're not a terrible person that thinks their time is worth more than everyone else's time.

If you are such a precision time keeping machine, what makes you late for things?

Yes, funny that.

Yes, it just seems to work one way, doesn't it?

So is everyone else. That’s why they don’t want to chill while waiting for you to be late. Does your time blindness ever make you early?

Quite. You take your seat by 7.20 read the programme etc. 7.30 is the start of the production.

Some theatres you definitely do. Lots of stairs, pinch points for moving or ticket checking. Anyway, wouldn’t it be better to just chill for a bit? Why so uptight about waiting in a nice bar with a friend before taking your seat?

No, you don’t genuinely believe that you can do a 30 min journey in 10 or you wouldn’t have said it as an example of what makes you late. You just don’t care that you can’t do it in 10.

Ypu still need to be there before 7.30 though. You need to be in the theatre, ticket checked, coat off, settled in your seat for 7.30.
7.15 is actually a bit late for comfort. If you don’t preorder interval drinks you spend the whole interval queuing for a drink instead of enjoying it.

Edit: just seen you don’t want to be hanging around ‘waiting for the thing to start’. Can’t you just chill with a drink the way you expect friends to when you are late to meet them?

Time blindness and actual blindness don’t even compare and I say that as someone who has had ‘time blindness’ but I’m now not late for anything, I may rush but I’m never late because I can see a clock and tell the time

I can think of two occasions when people assumed that they were so important that the world would respectfully wait for their grand entrance.....
I was singing for two weddings at a church which was a very popular venue. It was made clear at the time of booking that they had each been allocated a specific time spot, with a decent interval between the two for one congregation to leave before the second arrived.
The first bride was so late, that timeslot came and went. Early guests for the second ceremony were beginning to arrive,
At that time, there was a time limit at the end of the day, after which marriages were not legal (I believe this rather outdated rule has since been abolished; it dated back to a time when churches would be poorly lit when daylight faded, enabling impersonation and the like).
So the vicar had a decision to make, for the sake of the second couple, and he made it. Wedding one's guests, was moved over to the church hall to wait, while wedding two started only slightly late.
When this was over, the first group were allowed back in, and a furious bride stomped up the aisle with a face like thunder. She clearly thought that her arrival was the only event of the day, and was most put out to discover that things had moved on without her!
The second one was one of my Parents' Evenings. The letters had gone out offering timeslots, starting at 4:00, with a mid-evening break for me to gather my wits. A few parents came in at other times by mutual agreement, and amazingly, everybody else went for the first half of the evening.
Things were running beautifully until the 5:40 slot - no show, so I moved on to the next set of parents. 7:00 came; time for my break. There had been no message to warn that the 5:40 couple were delayed in some way, I was officially there until 9:00, but was there any point? I consulted the headteacher, who agreed that as it was by now more that 90 minutes since their timeslot, I could go home with a clear conscience. Apparently they were dumbfounded when they deigned to appear, about 30 minutes later.

It's interesting, time blindness, according to google, means you have to plan a little bit harder. So recognise you have it and fix it, simple.
When you are consistently late this is tardiness. Also you are disorganised, have poor social skills or trying to make a power play. You are also dilatory and maybe sluggish.
I can't find any good things that are said though about it, so if you want to become less abhorrent to others then pull your socks up a bit.

If someone is occasionally late for non-time-critical events then fine, I can chill in the pub/coffee shop. No problem. If it’s every single time then it is rude, and does suggest they think that whatever thing they were doing before they came was more important than seeing me or than the things I could have been doing instead of waiting around.

I need a better link to find out what paper it's published in, what the sample size was etc.
I'm suggesting that perhaps a few people are very ND and timings can be a challenge.
However. I think those people are probably few in number. The others are just rude.

So is everyone else which is why they don't have time to wait around.

Amazing. How about the other people who are just as busy with 27 hours worth of stuff every 24 and they lose an hour of that 24 making it just 23 because you're keeping them waiting and delaying them from doing other things because you're disorganised and have no respect for their time.