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Original poster

DP wants to end relationship over misunderstanding with waitress

642 replies

Butterfly75756 · 12/03/2025 19:42

Went out for a meal with DP and all was going well. That was, until the mains arrived, and DP was adamant he had ordered his meal without mushrooms, yet his food had arrived containing them. A bit of a back and forth started between him and the waitress, who was saying DP definitely didn't ask for no mushrooms.

DP then turns to me and says something along the lines of, "Tell her I ordered no mushrooms". I immediately felt embarrassed and mumbled, "I can't remember". I hate confrontation and I genuinely couldn't remember.

The waitress eventually took the food back to go and fix the apparent mistake and DP was absolutely fuming saying even if I couldn't remember, I should have lied and said that I did and he kept repeating "Don't you know I don't like mushrooms?" After about 20 mins of being in a strop, he said that he would now have to reconsider the relationship as he doesn't want to be with someone who 'doesn't have his back'

Like the emotional wreck that I am, I began crying at the table and he told me to stop because I was embarrassing him.

So my question is, was I wrong to say I couldn't remember or should I have lied?

OP posts:
Celeryindip · 13/03/2025 15:28

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ChesterFoxE · 13/03/2025 15:20

The way I see it your partner should be your best friend.

Would you treat a best friend this way? Or allow a man to speak to your daughter this way?

NO - dump now.

Katiesaidthat · 13/03/2025 15:20

I hated mushrooms up to adulthood. My aunt didn´t know and when I was 13 she served me a dish that contained them. I picked them out and placed them in a long neat line all around the plate. I ate the rest. She till comments on this now when food dislikes come up, and I am 50 now.
As for abusing waitresses. My gran always said, pay attention to how a man treats those he thinks are beneath him, it will tell you all you need to know. Smart lady.

Jidemummu199 · 13/03/2025 15:14

Grown man acting like a child. My four year old wouldn't even behave like this. What an embarrassment he is. I agree with everyone else, you're better off without him.

Celeryindip · 13/03/2025 15:14

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madamweb · 13/03/2025 15:12

Red flags waving madly.
Just leave him. He won't suddenly become nicer

Iceboy80 · 13/03/2025 15:10

Don't listen to most of these women on here, however you do need to grow a back bone. If you genuinely didn't hear him say what he had supposed to have said then fair enough but you certainly should not lie for him, but if he feels that something so small should make him say "he needs to reconcider the relationship" then maybe he needs to get a grip, unless you sheep away with every confrontation.

JanuaryBug · 13/03/2025 15:10

No man should ever make you feel how he made you feel at dinner. Please reevaluate the relationship!

Hwi · 13/03/2025 15:09

This is such a red flag, run!

WeeOrcadian · 13/03/2025 15:06

NRTFT

He's a fucking arsehole

He's shown you who he is. Believe him.

Throw him back, it isn't worth it and never will be

Widower2014 · 13/03/2025 15:05

First, he needs to grow up.
Second, his attitude to you sounds like he was looking for a way out already

Lookuptotheskies · 13/03/2025 15:02

HE wants to end the relationship?! Don't you too?!

OP he sounds awful and you sound a bit ground down by his emotional abuse. Do you want to open up to us what other things he's done that have had you wondering about emotional abuse? Let us help you see this for what it is. An abusive relationship.

You deserve better.

Celeryindip · 13/03/2025 14:54

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rb124 · 13/03/2025 14:53

To be honest, I'd be reconsidering the relationship too.
First off, making a big thing out of a minor mistake (just don't eat the effing mushrooms).
Second, having a 20 minute strop over it - really?
Finally, demanding that you tell a (admittedly minor) lie and upsetting you.
He sounds like he's got some serious anger management issues, and you'd be better off without him.

PointsSouth · 13/03/2025 14:53

So in this context, 'I need to know you have my back' means 'I need you to compromise your moral code if it benefits me'.

I have actually split up with someone because they asked me to lie in order to get them out of a situation that they had entirely created themselves and for which they really ought to have taken responisibility.

"Oh, come on - everyone does it!"

"Not me, sunshine. Bye."

Retiredfromearlyyears · 13/03/2025 14:50

An adage I've always gone by is that you treat everyone with courtesy be they a' Duchess or a Laundress' This lack of courtesy and maturity in the restaurant, is how he is also treating you. Don't allow it or trust me you are going to have many a 'tear stained pillow'. End it now,for the sake of your future sanity. All the best to you!

Beccaboo0979 · 13/03/2025 14:49

The whole 'I'm going to end the relationship because you don't do what I say' trope is a typical narcissistic control strategy. It's straight out of the play book. Look into narcissist techniques I bet he has other boxes checked. And I bet this isn't the first time he made you question yourself.

Mush62 · 13/03/2025 14:49

Butterfly75756 · 12/03/2025 19:42

Went out for a meal with DP and all was going well. That was, until the mains arrived, and DP was adamant he had ordered his meal without mushrooms, yet his food had arrived containing them. A bit of a back and forth started between him and the waitress, who was saying DP definitely didn't ask for no mushrooms.

DP then turns to me and says something along the lines of, "Tell her I ordered no mushrooms". I immediately felt embarrassed and mumbled, "I can't remember". I hate confrontation and I genuinely couldn't remember.

The waitress eventually took the food back to go and fix the apparent mistake and DP was absolutely fuming saying even if I couldn't remember, I should have lied and said that I did and he kept repeating "Don't you know I don't like mushrooms?" After about 20 mins of being in a strop, he said that he would now have to reconsider the relationship as he doesn't want to be with someone who 'doesn't have his back'

Like the emotional wreck that I am, I began crying at the table and he told me to stop because I was embarrassing him.

So my question is, was I wrong to say I couldn't remember or should I have lied?

Sounds like a right cock, bin him and get a real man, you should never lie, simple as that.

ginasevern · 13/03/2025 14:45

Nowhere does it say he was nasty to the waitress and personally I don't think there should've been any "back and forth". If he said he asked for no mushrooms then most establishments would accept it and replace the meal. What if he had an allergy? Few places would take that risk these days. Sounds like the waitress needed more customer service training. As for the situation with his partner, I agree he was an insufferable bully and she should leave him before he damages her self esteem (or worse) any further.

BrightBlueSwan · 13/03/2025 14:38

Would not have mushroom in my life for this person

Celeryindip · 13/03/2025 14:32

How old are you op and how long have you been together?

DaringFawn · 13/03/2025 14:31

Not to be one of them people but he sounds abusive asf I've been in many and it starts little ends up huge leave him

Eruca · 13/03/2025 14:29

Go,go,go.

Eruca · 13/03/2025 14:27

Get out QUICK and

BobbyBiscuits · 13/03/2025 13:07

Dumbdog · 12/03/2025 20:21

Oh god. Don’t. I once went out with someone so pompous they insisted on changing my drinks order to better suit my meal.

I’m allergic to something in some white wines so avoid them, but if I was having fish he’d tell the waitress to swap my red for a white because it was ‘correct’.

He was always polite to them, though!

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Haha, that's pretty bad! I guess at least he was nice to the staff. But still, what is wrong with some blokes?! 🤣

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