Page 7 | DP wants to end relationship over misunderstanding with waitress

Butterfly75756 · 2025-03-12T19:42:44+00:00

Went out for a meal with DP and all was going well. That was, until the mains arrived, and DP was adamant he had ordered his meal without mushrooms, yet his food had arrived containing them. A bit of a back and forth started between him and the waitress, who was saying DP definitely didn't ask for no mushrooms. DP then turns to me and says something along the lines of, "Tell her I ordered no mushrooms". I immediately felt embarrassed and mumbled, "I can't remember". I hate confrontation and I genuinely couldn't remember. The waitress eventually took the food back to go and fix the apparent mistake and DP was absolutely fuming saying even if I couldn't remember, I should have lied and said that I did and he kept repeating "Don't you know I don't like mushrooms?" After about 20 mins of being in a strop, he said that he would now have to reconsider the relationship as he doesn't want to be with someone who 'doesn't have his back' Like the emotional wreck that I am, I began crying at the table and he told me to stop because I was embarrassing him. So my question is, was I wrong to say I couldn't remember or should I have lied?

Original poster

Butterfly75756 · 13/03/2025 18:33

To answer a few questions - we aren't married. Don't live together. I own my own house where I live with my daughter. He lives about an hour away.

I have found the courage to end the relationship. Hopefully I'm strong enough to follow through!

OP posts:

Sunshineandoranges · 13/03/2025 18:31

I rarely say this but you definitely need to leave him.

Nikki75 · 13/03/2025 18:30

I've just read through your posts and the ones were he feels the need to treat you horribly speak to you horribly compare you to people on the Internet who arnt even real people it's all for social media.
I am gobsmacked.. I'd leave this man without another thought .
Someone who loves and respects you does not treat you or speak to you this way.
That song " These boots were made for walkin" would be running through my head.
Drop him seriously .

Userxyd · 13/03/2025 18:29

How long have you been with Jim, do you have kids? If no kids - grab your bag and run for the door RIGHT NOW.
He is not partner material and certainly not parent material. Get out asap.

SuchiRolls · 13/03/2025 18:28

Wow. Get out of there, immediately and don’t look back. What an utter 🔔 🔚

Emma6cat · 13/03/2025 18:28

You know deep down how he treats you is wrong. It maybe hard but staying with him will be hard also. Choose your hard!!!

LurkyMcLurkinson · 13/03/2025 18:28

Please leave this abusive relationship and do the freedom programme online.

Nikki75 · 13/03/2025 18:23

I cant bare anyone who treats waiters waitresses like shit ... I'd of plonked the meal over his stupid rude head !! In a mood over mushrooms ffs !!

Bestfootforward11 · 13/03/2025 18:22

It’s always tricky to explain the whole dynamic of a relationship to others but I have to say on what you’ve shared so far, his behaviour is really not healthy at all. I appreciate that there may be some good times, but it’s all on his terms, when/if that’s his mood. His comments to you are unkind and unnecessary and in no way meet basic expectations of how a loving partner should treat you. He says he wants to break up and this is the perfect opportunity for you to say, ‘I’m relieved you’ve said that because I’ve not been happy for a while…’. He sounds like he spins things so he is always the victim even when he is the one behaving badly. You say you are emotional wreck but you are reacting to horrible behaviour, your gut is telling you that it’s not ok and has likely been telling you for some time. Please follow that instinct and make your life better and more free.

YoNoHeSido77 · 13/03/2025 18:20

Butterfly75756 · 13/03/2025 17:25

A few examples -

On another meal out, I wore some jeans that he didn't like. He told me to burn them and never wear them again. He then was comparing me to other women in the restaurant and said I looked out of place.

It was his cousins baby shower and he had asked my advice about what to get as a gift. I suggested a nice outfit for the baby. He didn't like that idea and said no to everything else I suggested. I eventually told him to just get a gift card if he wasn't sure. Hours later he called back saying his mom had said that, that was a terrible idea and told me I had "taken advantage" of the fact he'd never been to a baby shower before and given him a shit idea on purpose. I was very confused about the whole thing.

Another time, we ordered Chinese and had to go and collect it. They only accepted cash and both of us had somehow forgotten our cards, so we couldn't withdraw any cash. I was apparently "stupid" for doing this and was told to "shut the fuck up" when I brought up the fact he'd also forgotten his.

On a day out, he randomly told me he hated my hair and I shouldn't do it like that again.

He always says I never make any effort with my appearance, which is baffling to me because people have always told me I look nice. I'm known as "the glam one" at work.

Has sent me the profiles of instagram influencers who he thinks I should get tips from.

Honestly there's loads of stuff, and writing it all down makes me realise how bad it is. But there are good times. Amazing times in fact, where I'm in tears from laughter, he's really loving and affectionate and he's telling me how much he loves me. It makes all the bad stuff go away. Until it happens again.

Show quote history

Ahhhh the abusers playbook. Acts dreadful, so bad that you consider leaving. They seem to sense when they’ve taken it that far because suddenly they will become AMAZING, the BEST version of him that you’ve ever seen. This will go on for a couple of weeks and you start thinking that you were crazy to think that they were bad, they are just the most wonderful person on the planet!

then it starts again.

GarlicStyle · 13/03/2025 18:19

@Butterfly75756, these pictures are from the Freedom Programme: https://www.freedomprogramme.co.uk/online.php

Note, please, "Mr Right" is like this ALL the time. He doesn't just plop a few nice things in amongst his "Wrong" behaviours to trick you into putting up with a dominator. You deserve a Mr Right.

DP wants to end relationship over misunderstanding with waitress

TwinklySquid · 13/03/2025 18:17

Butterfly75756 · 13/03/2025 18:10

Posted too soon!

*tell each other things you don't like about each other

In healthy relationships, people don’t swear at you or call you stupid.

This guy has more red flags than communist Russia…

nutbrownhare15 · 13/03/2025 18:17

I'm sorry OP but yes this is abuse. You do need to leave but please do it safely. He sounds so horrible I am worried he would turn nasty. That shouldn't stop you but speak to a domestic abuse organisation for support with leaving safely.

Onthemaintrunkline · 13/03/2025 18:16

He’s a typical controlling bully. Does something nice which softens you up “oh he’s so lovely “. Then blindsides you with criticism and nastiness. You stay because you know he CAN be nice…..but and here’s the thing, he can be nice but only when HE chooses. The rest of the time he treats you how he wants to. and it’s then that your confidence and self-worth takes a hammering.

Do you find yourself on pins around him, humouring him, agreeing with him, hoping this particular outing keeps him sweet to protect yourself from his vile comments, but yet really knowing his next unwelcome insult could only be a heart beat away?

You are worth so so so much more than this. A relationship should be uplifting, not what you describe.

RampantIvy · 13/03/2025 18:14

Butterfly75756 · 13/03/2025 18:09

He has a way of explaining things so that I seem like I'm the crazy one. E.g. when he said he didn't like my hair, he said a healthy relationship is where you can tell each other things

He is WRONG

A healthy relationship is when your partner does NOT criticise and belittle and gaslight you all the time.

Are you allowed to criticise his clothes and hair or compare him with other men?

This is so obviously NOT a healthy relationship.

You need to get rid.

MILLYmo0se · 13/03/2025 18:13

Butterfly75756 · 13/03/2025 17:25

A few examples -

On another meal out, I wore some jeans that he didn't like. He told me to burn them and never wear them again. He then was comparing me to other women in the restaurant and said I looked out of place.

It was his cousins baby shower and he had asked my advice about what to get as a gift. I suggested a nice outfit for the baby. He didn't like that idea and said no to everything else I suggested. I eventually told him to just get a gift card if he wasn't sure. Hours later he called back saying his mom had said that, that was a terrible idea and told me I had "taken advantage" of the fact he'd never been to a baby shower before and given him a shit idea on purpose. I was very confused about the whole thing.

Another time, we ordered Chinese and had to go and collect it. They only accepted cash and both of us had somehow forgotten our cards, so we couldn't withdraw any cash. I was apparently "stupid" for doing this and was told to "shut the fuck up" when I brought up the fact he'd also forgotten his.

On a day out, he randomly told me he hated my hair and I shouldn't do it like that again.

He always says I never make any effort with my appearance, which is baffling to me because people have always told me I look nice. I'm known as "the glam one" at work.

Has sent me the profiles of instagram influencers who he thinks I should get tips from.

Honestly there's loads of stuff, and writing it all down makes me realise how bad it is. But there are good times. Amazing times in fact, where I'm in tears from laughter, he's really loving and affectionate and he's telling me how much he loves me. It makes all the bad stuff go away. Until it happens again.

Show quote history

Well yes, he has to turn on the the charm occasionally, I mean if he was criticising and undermining you from the get go you wouldn't have lasted more than a couple of dates. He isn't occasionally nice because he is a nice guy, he is nice because its all part of the game/abuse, plus he obviously has to be nice to you around friends and family for a while anyway. As the relationship goes on the flashes of the nice guy will be turned on less and less frequently because he won't need to reach for that tool to keep you in line as much, it gets harder and harder to leave the longer you stay

hopeishere · 13/03/2025 18:11

He is an absolute arsehole. How long have you been together.

Dump him asap.

BumpandBounce · 13/03/2025 18:11

Butterfly75756 · 13/03/2025 17:25

A few examples -

On another meal out, I wore some jeans that he didn't like. He told me to burn them and never wear them again. He then was comparing me to other women in the restaurant and said I looked out of place.

It was his cousins baby shower and he had asked my advice about what to get as a gift. I suggested a nice outfit for the baby. He didn't like that idea and said no to everything else I suggested. I eventually told him to just get a gift card if he wasn't sure. Hours later he called back saying his mom had said that, that was a terrible idea and told me I had "taken advantage" of the fact he'd never been to a baby shower before and given him a shit idea on purpose. I was very confused about the whole thing.

Another time, we ordered Chinese and had to go and collect it. They only accepted cash and both of us had somehow forgotten our cards, so we couldn't withdraw any cash. I was apparently "stupid" for doing this and was told to "shut the fuck up" when I brought up the fact he'd also forgotten his.

On a day out, he randomly told me he hated my hair and I shouldn't do it like that again.

He always says I never make any effort with my appearance, which is baffling to me because people have always told me I look nice. I'm known as "the glam one" at work.

Has sent me the profiles of instagram influencers who he thinks I should get tips from.

Honestly there's loads of stuff, and writing it all down makes me realise how bad it is. But there are good times. Amazing times in fact, where I'm in tears from laughter, he's really loving and affectionate and he's telling me how much he loves me. It makes all the bad stuff go away. Until it happens again.

Show quote history

@Butterfly75756 I’d really recommend that you read Why Does He Do That by Lundy Bancroft. It will honestly open your eyes.

What you are describing is classic emotional abuse. Of course he’s wonderful at other times, that’s what abusers do to keep you second-guessing yourself. “He’s not that bad. It must be my imagination” He’ll be just nice enough for you not to leave him.

Please ditch this guy. Many of us have been where you are and it only gets worse. If your confidence is undermined already, imagine what you’ll be like in 5 or 10 years time. Do yourself a favour and walk away now.

Original poster

Butterfly75756 · 13/03/2025 18:10

Posted too soon!

*tell each other things you don't like about each other

OP posts:

FlipFlopVibe · 13/03/2025 18:09

Red flags 🚩 🚩🚩🚩🚩 everywhere! It’s like a circus. Get away from him and this horrible abuse. There’s a reason emotional abuse became a crime, it causes serious psychological harm. Do not stand by and let this happen to you.

Original poster

Butterfly75756 · 13/03/2025 18:09

He has a way of explaining things so that I seem like I'm the crazy one. E.g. when he said he didn't like my hair, he said a healthy relationship is where you can tell each other things

OP posts:

Macanncheese · 13/03/2025 18:08

I was with one of these pricks for years. It will never change it just gets worse. Please get rid of him before he starts using his fists to “put you in your place”

Cdu · 13/03/2025 18:06

It's not a misunderstanding. You didn't do what he wanted and that's that. It's a threat, idle or otherwise. If you chose to stay in a relationship with a man who speaks and treats you like that, you are showing him how you accept being treated. Better to be on your own than with an ignorant bully

PotatoLove · 13/03/2025 18:04

After reading your other posts OP, you need to tell this abusive twatwaffle to do one. He's a complete prick and you deserve better.

Mush62 · 13/03/2025 18:04

I do believe you just answered your own question OP.