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Original poster

DP wants to end relationship over misunderstanding with waitress

642 replies

Butterfly75756 · 12/03/2025 19:42

Went out for a meal with DP and all was going well. That was, until the mains arrived, and DP was adamant he had ordered his meal without mushrooms, yet his food had arrived containing them. A bit of a back and forth started between him and the waitress, who was saying DP definitely didn't ask for no mushrooms.

DP then turns to me and says something along the lines of, "Tell her I ordered no mushrooms". I immediately felt embarrassed and mumbled, "I can't remember". I hate confrontation and I genuinely couldn't remember.

The waitress eventually took the food back to go and fix the apparent mistake and DP was absolutely fuming saying even if I couldn't remember, I should have lied and said that I did and he kept repeating "Don't you know I don't like mushrooms?" After about 20 mins of being in a strop, he said that he would now have to reconsider the relationship as he doesn't want to be with someone who 'doesn't have his back'

Like the emotional wreck that I am, I began crying at the table and he told me to stop because I was embarrassing him.

So my question is, was I wrong to say I couldn't remember or should I have lied?

OP posts:
Busybeemumm · 12/03/2025 21:56

LifeIsShiteEnoughAlready · 12/03/2025 21:44

Totally missing the point of the thread here but by an odd coincidence the mushrooms thing was an example given to me by my therapist when trying to teach me how to be assertive and stop my people pleasing tendencies.

She said,
Say you go to a restaurant, order a meal but ask them to leave out the mushrooms because you absolutely hate mushrooms. How would you respond if your meal, that you are paying for, arrived with mushrooms. You wouldn't just say thank you, pick them out, eat it and pay. Would you. That's not what you ordered. You would complain and ask for the error to be rectified. Of course, I am not saying you need to be rude but you do need to not just accept other people's mistakes as your own. You need to tell people if they have wronged you. Eating those mushrooms is the people pleasing response. Speak up.

She used restaurant examples a lot. Looks like she's in a minority of being willing to complain in a restaurant.

I'm aware that's a personalised odd coincidence.

I only say this because people are assuming OP's partner failed to ask for no mushrooms when it is perfectly possible he did ask and OP didn't notice. She did say that she wasn't paying attention when he ordered. I, personally, would expect my partner to believe me and back me up. He was not unreasonable to expect to be backed up and not have her bawling her eyes out in the middle of a restaurant.

There's been a lot of negatives added to his behaviour by respondants that show no evidence of having happened in the opening post but there is nothing new there. There's also a lot of support for a waitress whose behaviour is being assumed as completely positive with zero evidence she wasn't the one behaving like an arse.

DP then turns to me and says something along the lines of, "Tell her I ordered no mushrooms". I immediately felt embarrassed and mumbled, "I can't remember". I hate confrontation and I genuinely couldn't remember.

The mushrooms are not really the issue here. Of course he should assertively tell the waitress if his dish arrived with mushrooms and he may/may not have told the waitress. Errors happen.

The issue is how he spoke to OP, ordering her, attempting to control and belittle her and also not comforting her when she was upset and then threatening her that he will leave the relationship!

MumWifeOther · 12/03/2025 21:55

Bitofanchange · 12/03/2025 21:55

Yes he’s not hard to spot is he!

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😂😂😂😂 I’m very much a woman and not the husband.0

livelovelough24 · 12/03/2025 21:55

Why are people arguing about what a waitress should or should not be doing, this post is about OP and her partner wanted to lie for him. He might have asked for no mushrooms but she did not hear it and therefore could not say with certainty that she did.

MumWifeOther · 12/03/2025 21:55

Bitofanchange · 12/03/2025 21:54

You are LYING to gas light!

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😮‍💨 honestly it’s not that deep.

Bitofanchange · 12/03/2025 21:55

whynotwhatknot · 12/03/2025 21:53

op partner is here

Yes he’s not hard to spot is he!

Avatartar · 12/03/2025 21:54

there’s not mush room for any more drama with this loon in your life!

MumWifeOther · 12/03/2025 21:54

Bitofanchange · 12/03/2025 21:52

So even if you didn’t hear him say it, you’d lie?

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Yes I would. For better or worse and all that 😏

Bitofanchange · 12/03/2025 21:54

MumWifeOther · 12/03/2025 21:53

He’s not being a dickhead - he probably did ask for no mushrooms!! The waitress is in the wrong for engaging in an argument when she should have just said, no problem I’ll change it for you! That’s how it goes in a restaurant. You are PAYING for a service and also to eat food you enjoy.

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You are LYING to gas light!

Bitofanchange · 12/03/2025 21:53

MumWifeOther · 12/03/2025 21:51

She is the one risking her job by arguing with a customer who could very well have asked for no mushrooms!!

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Or could be a liar! How often have you backed your lying husband or child and had to discuss at home…..

It’s obviously happened?

MumWifeOther · 12/03/2025 21:53

Bepo77 · 12/03/2025 21:39

Why though! Why is it unacceptable to be a dickhead anywhere else, but fine in a restaurant?!

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He’s not being a dickhead - he probably did ask for no mushrooms!! The waitress is in the wrong for engaging in an argument when she should have just said, no problem I’ll change it for you! That’s how it goes in a restaurant. You are PAYING for a service and also to eat food you enjoy.

LurkyMcLurkinson · 12/03/2025 21:53

Run as fast as you can. He sounds text book in terms of manipulating and controlling behaviours. What will he be using the threat of ending the relationship over next? You wanting to go out without him? Wear a low cut top? Speaking to the friend he doesn’t approve of?

whynotwhatknot · 12/03/2025 21:53

op partner is here

Bitofanchange · 12/03/2025 21:52

MumWifeOther · 12/03/2025 21:50

Why are you assuming that he didn’t ask for no mushrooms? As I said in catering the customer is always right and if he asked me that question directly I would have said “I’m sure you did! You hate mushrooms” and I would politely ask the waitress to please change the dish.

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So even if you didn’t hear him say it, you’d lie?

MumWifeOther · 12/03/2025 21:51

Bitofanchange · 12/03/2025 21:50

Apparently if it “hurt” someone?

Whatever that means, it seemed like it only related to physical hurt seen at the time.

Not hurt by losing money on their job, that’s just fine to lie about.

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She is the one risking her job by arguing with a customer who could very well have asked for no mushrooms!!

Mummyoflittledragon · 12/03/2025 21:50

So basically he bullied and potentially gaslit 2 women. Not a good catch op.

MumWifeOther · 12/03/2025 21:50

Bitofanchange · 12/03/2025 21:36

You sound like a nightmare customer!

The question was did I say no mushrooms?

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Why are you assuming that he didn’t ask for no mushrooms? As I said in catering the customer is always right and if he asked me that question directly I would have said “I’m sure you did! You hate mushrooms” and I would politely ask the waitress to please change the dish.

Bitofanchange · 12/03/2025 21:50

Hattie907 · 12/03/2025 21:48

It made me feel quite uncomfortable. This rule could really spiral with certain members. I wonder where the line is drawn…

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Apparently if it “hurt” someone?

Whatever that means, it seemed like it only related to physical hurt seen at the time.

Not hurt by losing money on their job, that’s just fine to lie about.

grumpygrape · 12/03/2025 21:49

MumWifeOther · 12/03/2025 21:33

Of course I would lie for my husband. I would draw the line if he hurt someone.

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Why would you lie for anyone ?

Define 'hurt' ?

Hattie907 · 12/03/2025 21:48

Bitofanchange · 12/03/2025 21:32

We have a rule as a family of not lying, so you allow your DC to witness something, they know is a lie and the other parent lying as well.

You back your DC up if they’re lying lie?

You allow others to get into trouble?

What a great “family” you are not!

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It made me feel quite uncomfortable. This rule could really spiral with certain members. I wonder where the line is drawn…

livelovelough24 · 12/03/2025 21:48

Omg some people are really not getting it! Weather or not he said no mushrooms does not matter, what matters is him expecting her to lie for him and wanted to break up because she did not. This is hilarious!

No, I absolutely would not lie for anyone, that is just how I was brought up. I would just say, I am sorry darling, I did not pay attention. The fact that he got so angry over it is a red flag and I say LTB!

RedToothBrush · 12/03/2025 21:47

FortyElephants · 12/03/2025 19:43

How long have you been with this dipstick?

MN law of the First Post, in action.

We should call this 'MNs Razor'

Busybeemumm · 12/03/2025 21:46

MumWifeOther · 12/03/2025 21:33

Of course I would lie for my husband. I would draw the line if he hurt someone.

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Fascinating- even if it meant he tried to gas light a waitress?!Not sure how you could do to this and keep a clear conscious. I would feel really guilty as it doesn't feel right and don't think it's also good role modelling if you have children. It's not about ' having each other's back' it's about honesty and integrity.

Jalopy77 · 12/03/2025 21:46

@Dogstar78
If you have that much of an emotional reaction to a vegetable

Howling!!!!!! 😂

Bitofanchange · 12/03/2025 21:45

MumWifeOther · 12/03/2025 21:33

Of course I would lie for my husband. I would draw the line if he hurt someone.

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Did your marriage vows include and lie for?

How do you know whether he’d hurt the waitress, she could be deducted money or sacked? Or is it only physical hurt you think important?

Not the fact her rent can’t be paid?

Are you really that immoral? What a bloody low life!

Jalopy77 · 12/03/2025 21:44

MumWifeOther · 12/03/2025 21:11

As a family we have a rule that we always back eachother in public. At home, then we can discuss futher.

Oh dear.

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