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Original poster

DP wants to end relationship over misunderstanding with waitress

642 replies

Butterfly75756 · 12/03/2025 19:42

Went out for a meal with DP and all was going well. That was, until the mains arrived, and DP was adamant he had ordered his meal without mushrooms, yet his food had arrived containing them. A bit of a back and forth started between him and the waitress, who was saying DP definitely didn't ask for no mushrooms.

DP then turns to me and says something along the lines of, "Tell her I ordered no mushrooms". I immediately felt embarrassed and mumbled, "I can't remember". I hate confrontation and I genuinely couldn't remember.

The waitress eventually took the food back to go and fix the apparent mistake and DP was absolutely fuming saying even if I couldn't remember, I should have lied and said that I did and he kept repeating "Don't you know I don't like mushrooms?" After about 20 mins of being in a strop, he said that he would now have to reconsider the relationship as he doesn't want to be with someone who 'doesn't have his back'

Like the emotional wreck that I am, I began crying at the table and he told me to stop because I was embarrassing him.

So my question is, was I wrong to say I couldn't remember or should I have lied?

OP posts:
Fififafa · 12/03/2025 22:22

LifeIsShiteEnoughAlready · 12/03/2025 21:44

Totally missing the point of the thread here but by an odd coincidence the mushrooms thing was an example given to me by my therapist when trying to teach me how to be assertive and stop my people pleasing tendencies.

She said,
Say you go to a restaurant, order a meal but ask them to leave out the mushrooms because you absolutely hate mushrooms. How would you respond if your meal, that you are paying for, arrived with mushrooms. You wouldn't just say thank you, pick them out, eat it and pay. Would you. That's not what you ordered. You would complain and ask for the error to be rectified. Of course, I am not saying you need to be rude but you do need to not just accept other people's mistakes as your own. You need to tell people if they have wronged you. Eating those mushrooms is the people pleasing response. Speak up.

She used restaurant examples a lot. Looks like she's in a minority of being willing to complain in a restaurant.

I'm aware that's a personalised odd coincidence.

I only say this because people are assuming OP's partner failed to ask for no mushrooms when it is perfectly possible he did ask and OP didn't notice. She did say that she wasn't paying attention when he ordered. I, personally, would expect my partner to believe me and back me up. He was not unreasonable to expect to be backed up and not have her bawling her eyes out in the middle of a restaurant.

There's been a lot of negatives added to his behaviour by respondants that show no evidence of having happened in the opening post but there is nothing new there. There's also a lot of support for a waitress whose behaviour is being assumed as completely positive with zero evidence she wasn't the one behaving like an arse.

The DP was acting like a dick. There is a way of behaving without trying to belittle his partner and the waitress

NippyNinjaCrab · 12/03/2025 22:21

FortyElephants · 12/03/2025 19:43

How long have you been with this dipstick?

First post, classic and hits the spot! 🤩

SwedishSayna · 12/03/2025 22:20

Omg no you are not in the wrong! No decent person will ever make you lie to a waitress just to prove a point, what a baby he is! He ruined the evening, he should be grovelling not threatening to end the relationship! He could have dealt with this completely politely and calmly with the waitress and left you out of it. Absolute jerk.

Bitofanchange · 12/03/2025 22:20

Doingmybestbut · 12/03/2025 22:17

So he tried to bully the waitress, but when you didn’t back him up he turned and bullied you instead.

Exactly!

But men like that do live among us, their wives explain it by “for better or worse” or I give hime the “benefit of the doubt” don’t they @MumWifeOther

whitejeanss · 12/03/2025 22:20

MumWifeOther · 12/03/2025 22:14

I cba to keep arguing on this thread about my family values but honestly most of you really sound like you hate men. There’s no way of a single one of you know that the man never asked for no mushrooms. He is perfectly in his rights to bring this up with the waitress and she absolutely should not be arguing with a customer. The OP should have given her DP the benefit of the doubt. I hope you all get a good f*ck soon cos you all sound like you need it to be honest 😂 I’m not replying anymore, cry about it.

Edited

Andrew Tate, is that you??

Busybeemumm · 12/03/2025 22:20

MumWifeOther · 12/03/2025 22:14

I cba to keep arguing on this thread about my family values but honestly most of you really sound like you hate men. There’s no way of a single one of you know that the man never asked for no mushrooms. He is perfectly in his rights to bring this up with the waitress and she absolutely should not be arguing with a customer. The OP should have given her DP the benefit of the doubt. I hope you all get a good f*ck soon cos you all sound like you need it to be honest 😂 I’m not replying anymore, cry about it.

Edited

I'm a vegetarian and have had to send back plenty of dishes back which arrive with meat that I can't eat. I would however never act like the OPs partner.

OPs issue is about a controlling partner who is essentially acting like a prick-its not about the mushrooms.

Unfortunately you don't sound like you have any values and feel sad for you that lying is your family values!

Bitofanchange · 12/03/2025 22:18

MumWifeOther · 12/03/2025 22:14

I cba to keep arguing on this thread about my family values but honestly most of you really sound like you hate men. There’s no way of a single one of you know that the man never asked for no mushrooms. He is perfectly in his rights to bring this up with the waitress and she absolutely should not be arguing with a customer. The OP should have given her DP the benefit of the doubt. I hope you all get a good f*ck soon cos you all sound like you need it to be honest 😂 I’m not replying anymore, cry about it.

Edited

Oh we need a fuck to be honest, are you quite ok?

Bitofanchange · 12/03/2025 22:18

MumWifeOther · 12/03/2025 22:14

I cba to keep arguing on this thread about my family values but honestly most of you really sound like you hate men. There’s no way of a single one of you know that the man never asked for no mushrooms. He is perfectly in his rights to bring this up with the waitress and she absolutely should not be arguing with a customer. The OP should have given her DP the benefit of the doubt. I hope you all get a good f*ck soon cos you all sound like you need it to be honest 😂 I’m not replying anymore, cry about it.

Edited

Your family has no values, you advocate lying and admit that.

Shameful.

I don’t hate men, but I do hate liars.

Backing a lying man is no badge of honour.

Hattie907 · 12/03/2025 22:18

MumWifeOther · 12/03/2025 22:07

You would be worried that if you showed loyalty to your family above others they would repay you by lying to you too?

Show quote history

Well, it’s hardly modelling to DC lying is wrong, is it? I’d imagine it’d become like water off a duck’s back and they wouldn’t give a damn about lying or consider potential consequences of it, regardless of who the lie is told to. Also, many a loyal woman who has put her family above all else, even to her detriment, has had the dirty done on her by her husband and been betrayed - and the other way round too of course.

I’m not sure lying for him even if he’s in the wrong is quite the endearing quality you think it is tbh. There’s loyalty then there’s being a pushover who won’t call out when someone is wrong. I know which one I’d find more attractive in my husband.

Doingmybestbut · 12/03/2025 22:17

So he tried to bully the waitress, but when you didn’t back him up he turned and bullied you instead.

newsateleven · 12/03/2025 22:17

You genuinely couldn't remember a short conversation from five minutes ago? Aren't you concerned about that? That would bother me more than any of the other things.

BridgetJonesBlueSoup · 12/03/2025 22:14

Are you dating Tim from MAFSAUS?

MumWifeOther · 12/03/2025 22:14

I cba to keep arguing on this thread about my family values but honestly most of you really sound like you hate men. There’s no way of a single one of you know that the man never asked for no mushrooms. He is perfectly in his rights to bring this up with the waitress and she absolutely should not be arguing with a customer. The OP should have given her DP the benefit of the doubt. I hope you all get a good f*ck soon cos you all sound like you need it to be honest 😂 I’m not replying anymore, cry about it.

BatchCookBabe · 12/03/2025 22:11

Bitofanchange · 12/03/2025 22:10

You’ve also stated on a previous post you switch off even your “D”H speaks..

So you don’t actually listen to him, do you?

You just back him regardless.

Show quote history

LOL! 😆

Bitofanchange · 12/03/2025 22:11

MumWifeOther · 12/03/2025 22:09

My children are lovely ☺️ and always act impeccably for that it’s worth. I think they are very secure and know as a family we will always stick together ❤️

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And that it’s ok to lie, which they won’t just lie to you about the waitress, it’ll be all sorts of things..

Liars are liars in all areas.

Children raised to lie, will lie in every eventuality.

BatchCookBabe · 12/03/2025 22:10

Bitofanchange · 12/03/2025 22:07

Yeah birds of a feather I suppose, then raising DCs with bad morals.

Awful parenting, but it happens.

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😆

PersonaPersona · 12/03/2025 22:10

He's a man-baby and a bully.
He didn't apologize for making you cry he "told you to stop"
This is awful behavior and won't get better with time, it can only get worse.

crockofshite · 12/03/2025 22:10

LEAVE LEAVE LEAVE!!

What are you waiting for?

LEAVE

Bitofanchange · 12/03/2025 22:10

MumWifeOther · 12/03/2025 22:03

So sue me? I said context is important too.

Show quote history

You’ve also stated on a previous post you switch off even your “D”H speaks..

So you don’t actually listen to him, do you?

You just back him regardless.

MumWifeOther · 12/03/2025 22:09

Bitofanchange · 12/03/2025 22:07

Yeah birds of a feather I suppose, then raising DCs with bad morals.

Awful parenting, but it happens.

Show quote history

My children are lovely ☺️ and always act impeccably for that it’s worth. I think they are very secure and know as a family we will always stick together ❤️

LtdEdition01 · 12/03/2025 22:09

How utterly vile to of spoken to both the waitress and you in such an awful way.
I hope you get rid of him and go on to have a fun life and meet someone better.

FinallyHere · 12/03/2025 22:09

So my question is, was I wrong to say I couldn't remember or should I have lied?

No you were not wrong about that.

Staying with this excuse for a man, that's a mistake. Hugh mistake.

This is KO way for you to live. No wonder you feel like an emotional wreck. Bin him off and see how much better you feel. All the best.

YourHappyJadeEagle · 12/03/2025 22:08

A man who’s rude to waiting staff isn’t a man you want to be with. Shows a basic unpleasantness and disrespect.
Is he looking for an excuse to end your relationship, maybe another woman ?

MumWifeOther · 12/03/2025 22:07

Fififafa · 12/03/2025 22:06

Does your partner often belittle you in public and at home?

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No. It’s a family rule not a rule my husband imposes on me ffs.

Bitofanchange · 12/03/2025 22:07

MumWifeOther · 12/03/2025 22:02

Who’s to say it’s not him backing me!? 😜

Show quote history

Yeah birds of a feather I suppose, then raising DCs with bad morals.

Awful parenting, but it happens.