DP wants to end relationship over misunderstanding with waitress

Take him at his word, tell him you're ending the relationship as you realise you can do better than an abusive man. He is absolute garbage! How dare he speak to you like that. All over mushrooms? He's unhinged! You can do much better than this fool. Walk away, hold your head up high, and don't let him back when he comes crawling.

This. Sounds like he is looking for an excuse to end things …

No the question is 'why am I tolerating abuse from a nasty little fuck who is vile to all around him'.

Dump him, you do not need a person like this in your life.

A normal person would say 'oh, I thought I'd asked to leave the mushrooms off' and a sensible waitress would say 'im so sorry about that sir I'll get it sorted' and that would have been the end of the issue.

If he simply doesn't like them, he could just have not eaten them (as opposed to being allergic to them which would mean a totally new meal of course), lots of people would have done that too.

He chose to go on the offensive, and then drag you in. He likes making people feel like shit, you particularly.

- I have wondered for a while if I am in an emotionally abusive relationship, but I always come up with excuses and convince myself I'm the one in the wrong. Then I end up apologising. Sometimes just to keep the peace, not because I've actually done anything wrong. I don't know why I do this. I used to be so confident and sure of myself. You have all inspired me to find that person again.

A couple of books that might help you find that person again, @Butterfly75756 :

Women Who Love Too Much
The Six Pillars of Self Esteem

There is no obligation to back up someone who is wrong, even about something minor.

That's wild. You would make the waitress thing she made a mistake, and get her in trouble with the kitchen and management? Nothing wrong with saying you didn't notice. He's a moron if it came with mushrooms and failed to request it with none.

A good person wouldn't do what you suggest.

You act like a fool, you’ll look like a fool.

Depends really if you knew if he didn't like mushrooms or not. If you knew that you could have been diplomatic and said so.

But regardless of that he's horribly stroppy and you don't want to be on edge around someone like that.

Would you like to give us a couple of examples of behaviour that may be emotionally abusive in the relationship? Then you could get our opinion. Just might help you with any decision making regarding this relationship, if you feel the mushroom debacle isn't enough of a reason for you to end things.

No.

I would be irritated if someone didn't have my back in my those circumstances. What would it have cost to say "i believe he ordered it without mushrooms; he dislikes mushrooms." Instead of dithering and making him look like a fool.

Also, if someone is so unkind and happy to humiliate you in public, you definitely need to be dumping him. Never mind him considering whether he should be in a relationship with you - get in first and ditch him. He won't like that and you can have the satisfaction of kicking him into touch.

Good God, what a spoiled brat. Dump this twit and let someone else indulge his ridiculous demands. He's horrible to you and he's horrible to the waiting staff - honestly, does he have a single redeeming feature? I think we'd have to say no and that means goodbye.

How long have you been with him?

Do you actually live together?

Think back. There will have been other moments like this, won't there.

And I'd be 'reconsidering a relationship' with a guy that has a meltdown over mushrooms!!

He is a bully. You can do so much better.

Correct.
You can do better than this man-child OP.

OP, your partner is a bully and tried to coerce you to gang up in the waitress over some bloody mushrooms!

Honestly, he's the sort of person who would get their food spat on, with that sort of behaviour.

Agree to ending the relationship. He's doing you a favour and you deserve better than this!

If you’re wondering if you’re in an emotionally abusive relationship then it’s extremely likely that you are, and you’ve been gaslighted to doubt yourself that you are. He sounds awful OP. I hope you don’t have children or own a house with this charmer.

Ohhh, so you're the unreasonable one berating wait staff for an order you didn't make? 🙄

Its creepy.....

It is appalling.

I remember pre covid we had a regular couple who would come in to my place at the time. Every Tuesday, same table, same meal all demanded by him. He hated me because I was the manager and a woman! When I first met them he said that he only dealt with the manager (dick move straight off), and his face when I said "Yes, thats me!" He treated her appallingly and she would just take it and placate him. It breaks my heart thinking how he must have been with her at home. They were, at a guess, pushing 80's so she had had a lifetime of it. He was a horrible bully and the reason he only dealt with the manager was that he was so vile to the all female wait staff that we wouldnt let them go anywhere near him, he formed a part of the handover info I was given! Of course he took it to mean that he got special treatment from his fellow men who understood his importance, not that we could see a weapons grade arsehole from 5 miles away.

At the time I had not long escaped my v abusive exH so maybe it upset me more, but she was beaten down and just seemed so sad.

and this is exactly how emotional abuse works.

It might be worth you contacting your local Women's Aid to see what courses they have.

Better off without him love. Sounds like a total dick.

OP if it were me I'd end it and get out and not have that knob calling the shots by saying he's going to reconsider the relationship and expecting you to beg him not to end it.

Take control of your life and tell him it's over for you and don't look back.