DP wants to end relationship over misunderstanding with waitress

Neither did OP which is why she wouldn’t comment.

Can you give me the info where it has happened then ( in the ™ UK)

It might be “illegal” it doesn’t mean it doesn’t happen though.

OP, I guarantee that every other person in that restaurant that night was willing you to walk out on him. Even the waitress would have lent you a tenner for a taxi. Your 'D'P is a bully, a controller and an obnoxious twunt.

Tell him you'll be glad of the chance to rethink the relationship while he's gone. Oh, and he won't go unless you make him. He wants you to beg for him to stay.

I'm pretty sure it would be illegal to take the price of the meal from the waitresses wages.

Seems he was being an idiot and the waitress arguing back unnecessarily.

Oh and as for crying at the table over it, how embarrassing.

I agree if he had asked for no mushrooms it wasn't gaslighting but based on the OP i was assuming he hadn't asked for mushrooms - she said she couldn't remember to avoid confrontation, waitress was adamant he hadn't. You've interpreted it the other way round which is fine. Either way we agree he's horrible!

You have misunderstood the situation OP. He doesn't want to end the relationship, he is just following the abusers handbook and using the threat to 'put manners on you' and further emesh you in this relationship. You need to get out before you are left as a shell of yourself

he said that he would now have to reconsider the relationship as he doesn't want to be with someone who 'doesn't have his back'

Also, men like this will use this kind of threat to punish you for not agreeing to be controlled. The idea being that you buckle under and do what you’re told next time/always behave like his little cheerleader for fear of being dumped.

I bet my arse if you said “OK dear, you’re right we shouldn’t be together, bye then” he’d have a fit and start trying to stop you from ending it.

But end it you definitely should as this shit always gets worse. But take care as I predict he will not take it well.

Yes!

It's not really about the mushrooms is it? He's a controlling brow beating little shit and I'd take him up on his offer of a seperation if I were you. I have no time for bullies and neither should you. Line up your ducks so you know your position and take some control.

So first he bullied the waitress, which is always a red flag. Then he bullied you for 20 minutes so you ended up crying at the table in the restaurant.

He should be so lucky as to be in a position to feel the need to "rethink" the relationship. When are you dumping him?

While this comment might not seem the most helpful, it does hit the nail on the head.

Why is it that in a confrontation with a waitress over food that wasn't yours are you the one that ends up in tears?

I'm not saying this from the perspective that you've done anything wrong, just that it is the most important question to ask yourself.

This wasn't your fight and yet somehow he made it your fault. And you've already noticed there's a pattern to this.

At worst this man is emotionally abusive. At best he's a rude arsehole who thinks it's okay to take his frustrations with other people out on his girlfriend in public.

Do you really want to go out for meals that make you feel like this for the rest of your life? Find that strength and tell him you agree, this shows up fundamental differences in how you think it's appropriate to treat people and so it is the end (although I'll guarantee he didn't really mean it and is just using it as a tool to ensure your compliance in future).

The mushrooms and whether he ordered it without them are a separate issue (though with someone like this who always has to be right, I can easily imagine he didn’t and then tried to rewrite history). What would piss me off more is if I was the partner and he turned to me demanding to be backed up. Rude and controlling. If he wants to dispute something with the waitress/restaurant that’s on him, I would back up if it was obviously them in the wrong but otherwise leave me out of it. My ex was like this - apparently expecting us to think as one and that I’d always agree with him and he could speak for me. Used to really piss me off.

As for crying - I cry easily and hate confrontation, especially in public. I totally get it and I don’t think crying is a sign of weakness or not “getting a grip”.

If he doesn’t like them then he probably did but agree we don’t know for sure.

If he wants to break up over something so trivial then he must have been looking for an excuse to begin with. I guarantee if it hadn't been the mushrooms it would have been something else.

Keep the mushrooms, send the DP back.

What a ridiculous rule

Bullying cunt.

So those saying- she should have just agreed with him and had his back regardless of whether he was lying- does that apply in all circumstances?

Knock on the door from the police- we are coming to speak to your partner about an assault. Where were you this evening sir - I was here all night officer. Ask my partner - she will confirm won't you darling

Absolutely agree with the above.

A relative's partner was like this. He spoke with such authority that no one ever contradicted to him. Whoever was lowest in the pecking order at the time was effectively treated like "the waitress." Unbearable.

I can imagine it felt humiliating to be part of the public scene he was creating. From your post it sounds like your immediate concern was to placate him to make him calm down and stop, but you stood your ground when being asked to lie on his behalf.
It occured to me that him asking you to lie for him, was revealing. The truth doesn't matter to him. He had to win at all costs. I'm betting he's already told you loads of whoppers. And not even about important things.

From your posts, it sounds that you've been constantly scolded into apologising, even when its not your fault.

And he is always, always right - even when he isn't.

You don't have to put up with it.

Because it would be a lie.

Why should she lie for him. I doubt he would lie for her.

I agree with a poster upthread. A decent human would have just not eaten the mushrooms, the end. Making a song and dance about it is ridiculous given the plate would come back minus the mushrooms but without any replacement vegetable (apart from the contents of the waitresses nostril).

How do these Pollyanna men get through life and what about when things get really hard? Thinks like death, disease and divorce. Things where a mushroom or three would bring a little light relief?

Mistakes happen, if that's his response to something quite trivial I wouldn't want to deal with him on serious things. A big red flag, I would be on egg shells everywhere you go, not worth the hassle.

I hope he follows through on his threat and you never have to endure another meal with this man.

Your reaction (crying at the table) makes me think you're at your wits end with him.

What else makes you think you're in an abusive relationship?

Run for the hills, immediately.

The point isn’t that he ordered mushrooms, it’s did he ask for no mushrooms on a dish that contained mushrooms.

i agree I would never actually order beetroot ( my food hate), but I might order a dish that contains it and ask for it to be removed.

Did he actually ask for them to be removed, who knows, OP didn’t know.