DP wants to end relationship over misunderstanding with waitress

If it hadn't been the mushrooms it would have been something else.

You'll find yourself less prone to crying when you separate yourself from the person who enjoys having power over making you cry.

BTW - I'm a cryer too, I think sometimes emotionally abusive people like a cryer, your tears release their emotions, they ve got the upper hand, and can blame the distress on your emotions not their actions.

He has picked you, because he thinks you won't stand up to him, will just echo back whatever he wants to hear.

Dump. Sorry he wasted your time, energy and emotions.

🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩
You can do better than this. He is abusive and has chiselled away at your confidence too. End this relationship as it will only get worse.
Remember it’s not you it’s him

I’m wondering how the ‘We proudly lie for each other!’ family copes when one family member is lying to another 🤔

You might find you are less of a crier when you are not in an emotionally abusive relationship.
I was with an ex who would call me 'emotional' because I often cried. Having been with my husband now for 11 years and only having cried due to arguments a handful of times I can plainly see that I cried all the time with my ex because he was an absolute underhand emotional terrorist. He'd say the most outrageous stuff in a calm voice then demand to know why I was upset?
He once broke up with me, telling me he didnt love me and never had, after we'd just signed a six month contract on a flat I could never afford on my own.. in the morning of a day we had to visit his family. He went about the day as though nothing had happened and then berated me in the evening for "looking moody"
On another occasion we were on a cruise with his family and we woke in the morning in our cabin and he ranted at me about what a horrible person I was embarrassing myself flirting with everyone. Then he went through the day cheery as anything like nothing had happened and again in the evening ranted at me about how miserable and emotional I was.
It's abuse. You don't see it at the time. It's meant to undermine all your emotional reactions so you feel like you are the one who is unstable and he's doing nothing wrong ever.
Please try and leave this man. It's so draining I swear to God even though the breakup will hurt you, after about 6 months out of it you will feel like you suddenly wake up and come back to life.

DP was absolutely fuming saying even if I couldn't remember, I should have lied and said that I did and he kept repeating "Don't you know I don't like mushrooms?" After about 20 mins of being in a strop, he said that he would now have to reconsider the relationship as he doesn't want to be with someone who 'doesn't have his back'
Like the emotional wreck that I am, I began crying at the table and he told me to stop because I was embarrassing him.

So after directing an angry tirade at you for 20 minutes, you naturally get upset. Then he gets angry at you because his behaviour was upsetting.You need to dump this creep with anger issues.

I think OP issue resonates with so many of us who have been in abusive relationships-that belittling in public, making a big deal out of nothing, and threats to leave the relationship. It's about power and control.

I've had to send back meals being a vegetarian and the order has been wrong. I certainly wouldn't ask my DH to 'back me up' if there was a back and forth with the waitress and definitely wouldn't reduce him to tears and threaten to leave him over this!

If he can't navigate this minor issue without a tantrum then what hope is there for the bigger things in life!

He sounds like a weapons-grade bellend, for both the waitress incident and the threat to end things because you didn't back him up. You're better off away from such a man.

Is this really about the mushrooms - because yes he sounds a twat if so. Are there generally massive problems in the relationship with the relationship and this has been the last straw?
Do you know if he likes mushrooms? I would know if my partner asked for a meal without them as he loathes them - but I wouldn't expect a waitress to argue if he said he had asked for them without - although there is no reason for him to be rude.

lol let this trash take himself out!!!

Oh dear. He sounds like an utter twat, and I bet he has selected you because you're the type of woman who is so easily reduced to tears in a restaurant.

Get rid of him and you need to toughen up a little bit so you won't stand for this sort of shit ever again.

What is wrong with his response. Op doesn’t say he was nasty to the waitress or shouted. She says he asked, then there was back and forth.

I think asking for a mistake to be rectified is normal. What would you do?

Sounds like something out of Shameless.

Saying you were bought the wrong thing isn’t bullying the waitstaff.

So you are just talking shit then. If any restaurant did this then no waiting staff would work for them. Unless they were working illegally under the radar

Can people please stop trying to make fucking stupid puns using the word ‘mushroom’?
I married, and then subsequently dated people not dissimilar to this horrible man, and I think it’s really insensitive to make fucking lame, unfunny ‘jokes’
I remember crying/holding back the tears in public too and being berated for it.

Thank you.

Just what would you like as evidence? Do you think people write news stories on this? Do scientific research?

Don’t be ridiculous.

It's those seemingly insignificant interactions between couples which paint a much bigger picture of the health of the relationship as a whole.

Better to get out while you still have some sanity left rather than getting further enmeshed and you have lost all confidence, become a shell of your former self and then feels too late.

Going out to dinner should be a nice fun treat!

Do you live with your partner, OP?

For me: Bullying waitstaff is a NO. Asking you to lie for him is a NO.
Reducing you to tears then telling you you are embarrassing him, is a NO.
In a way it's good you got such a clear example as you can now decide what to do with this information about him.

Oh , that sounds classic. As for keeping the peace? Whose peace are you keeping. Appeasement doesn’t work. It encourages the bully to push further because they got you to concede. If you stay, you will lose yourself completely.
If you make the wise decision to dump him, prepare to be love bombed and begged. He will say he’s sorry , will change…yeah for 5 minutes. Don’t listen to any pleas. Be strong. Walk away. You will thank yourself later

edited a typo

He showed you who he is and you cried? Your question is the wrong one. You should have got angry. Told him if he can’t treat people better than that, you are done with him..not even rethinking the relationship because he let his mask slip and you got to see the nasty underneath.
It was inevitable. If it wasn’t that, it would be something else. Tell him , goodbye.
Honestly. This was a whole parade of red flags