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Original poster

Anyone else unhappy with their child’s primary?

60 replies

ChilliLips · 12/03/2025 19:20

I’m a bit stuck. DD is in year 2. The school itself is fine - lots of outdoor space, nice teachers. But the classroom itself is somewhat chaotic - 1 teacher and 3 one-to-ones, severe behavioural issues in a few of the kids, half of the class are significantly behind which they’re struggling to cope with. DD is very able but I feel left to sort of drift as she doesn’t ‘need’ attention, I do understand that objectively. I met with the head because one of the children was repeatedly attacking her, only to be told they have no money and are wrangling with a large number of kids with significant delays in their learning and there’s only so much they can do. It was very honest I suppose, but he basically just told me she’s in the wrong setting.

I’m not convinced the other local state primaries are any better, from what I’ve heard. I’m getting a significant pay rise in 18 months so am considering sending her to the local prep but it feels like a last resort, as I never wanted to go down the private route. I also have a toddler who would need the same treatment. I’m also reluctant to take her away from friends unless I’m sure it’s the right thing.

If you were in this position what did you do? TIA

OP posts:
Original poster
ChilliLips · 15/03/2025 19:35

loadalaundry · 15/03/2025 19:35

That doesn't sound right, they should support the dc who are behind & push the more capable dc. Eg one of mine had phonic intervention for 3 years as he really struggled and the eldest has had extra maths classes & additional english work as they are GD.

Yes DD is GD across the board (or her teacher said she would be if graded but they’re not quite at that age yet, so not officially). But no - no extra work in this case.

OP posts:
Original poster
ChilliLips · 15/03/2025 19:35

Hankunamatata · 15/03/2025 19:33

Would your money be better spent on a tutor a couple times a week with extension work?
Have you asked school for extension work? Or online programmes she could do while they are doing phonics?

I did consider this and it’s still an option. Obviously my worries are mainly focussed around learning but if I’m being brutally honest, I’ve noticed a deterioration in her behaviour after spending time with these kids (please don’t flame me!). Shes also regularly hit, spat at etc by some of them. I’m not sure I want this to be half her education if I’m honest.

OP posts:
loadalaundry · 15/03/2025 19:35

That doesn't sound right, they should support the dc who are behind & push the more capable dc. Eg one of mine had phonic intervention for 3 years as he really struggled and the eldest has had extra maths classes & additional english work as they are GD.

Hankunamatata · 15/03/2025 19:33

Would your money be better spent on a tutor a couple times a week with extension work?
Have you asked school for extension work? Or online programmes she could do while they are doing phonics?

Original poster
ChilliLips · 15/03/2025 19:32

loadalaundry · 15/03/2025 19:27

Will you still be able to save with uni fees and house deposits? Good knows what uni will cost in decade plus time! This is why we are very unlikely to choose private now.

Yes that should be fine, we should be able to contribute to both if needed.

OP posts:
Original poster
ChilliLips · 15/03/2025 19:31

loadalaundry · 15/03/2025 19:30

I’m wondering if a few years of private would be an investment in that if she then passes the test that’ll save me a lot of money!

preps don't tend to prep for grammars though they prep for private secondary.

The school should also be stretching pupils who perform well, does it not that?

No I don’t think so! Her teacher said ‘DD is brilliant at reading. For that reason during phonics we just let her go to the library - there’s no point her sitting with the other children’

which doesn’t sound like stretching to me. For all I know she could be mucking about in there and not even reading.

OP posts:
loadalaundry · 15/03/2025 19:30

I’m wondering if a few years of private would be an investment in that if she then passes the test that’ll save me a lot of money!

preps don't tend to prep for grammars though they prep for private secondary.

The school should also be stretching pupils who perform well, does it not that?

Bringmeahigherlove · 15/03/2025 19:28

This is unfortunately the state of our schools. Politicians doing nothing about it! It makes me so angry as there are so many children being failed. If you can afford private go private.

loadalaundry · 15/03/2025 19:27

Will you still be able to save with uni fees and house deposits? Good knows what uni will cost in decade plus time! This is why we are very unlikely to choose private now.

Original poster
ChilliLips · 15/03/2025 19:27

Hankunamatata · 15/03/2025 19:18

I don't take it as head saying dc is in wrong setting, it's them explaining there is a huge proportion of sen in the class, some who need a specialist placement but they arnt in one

Surely if you dd us leaving and is happy are the most important issues

I want her to take the 11+, and I’m worried another 5 years in a chaotic classroom with routine behaviour problems and a big focus on those who are behind (understandably) won’t stand her in good stead to take the test. I’m wondering if a few years of private would be an investment in that if she then passes the test that’ll save me a lot of money!

OP posts:
Redhotspicywine · 15/03/2025 19:26

We are in the same situation. DS at outstanding local primary that we moved to for the school. Five min walk from the house.

used as a buffer for difficult kids, and basically overlooked as he is bright and quiet. Teachers obviously care about him but are too stretched. GPs have offered to pay for prep so very lucky but not sure whether prep is that much better that it justifies the 30 min commute each way by car

Cranberry2020 · 15/03/2025 19:26

Do you mean £110k gross (your wages) or net (the amount you actually bring home. Eg we earn jointly around £128k and monthly take home net after pensions etc is shy of £8k
Our DD is year 2 and in a prep school. We actually started her there from the start in reception as we couldn’t bring ourselves to feel confident in our local state primaries, there are better ones a little further afield.
Be aware that once you’ve had a private school experience it’s hard to leave and move back to state. Our DD is in a very small class of 9 and is very happy.
Her fees are just over £1k per month at the moment but escalate each year. This is 1/8th of our income approx but it still feels a lot. If your gross is £110k I think it’ll feel like a struggle and especially with two.

loadalaundry · 15/03/2025 19:25

Small but incredibly expensive city. Excellent state secondaries, but very competitive, to the extent living a mile away is no guarantee of getting in. The schools are also single sex, and we have DS, so we would have to live equidistant between the 2 which would lower our changes further.

Are any of the schools related & have you checked admissions policies? How do other families navigate the above as different sex siblings are very common.

Original poster
ChilliLips · 15/03/2025 19:24

loadalaundry · 15/03/2025 19:14

Well unless something unexpected happens we will be earning 110k jointly, with a cash pot of 30k (we would just put this to one side). School fees would be 50k at their peak if we had to send both to senior school, which would leave us 60k a year for everything else.

I didn't realise you meant 110k net so gross you earn more like 170k. I still think it's tight for the whole way through

Yes, it would be tight, I’m not going to make any bones about that. The 30k would be put aside for the ad hoc expenses like uniform and school trips. If we had to dip into it for fees, that to me would be a sign we couldn’t afford it.

Thanks for all the advice. It’s a situation I never thought I would be in, I didn’t realise how bad state schools have become until DD started. Ours doesn’t have a reputation or anything, it’s considered average for the area.

OP posts:
Original poster
ChilliLips · 15/03/2025 19:21

We’ve considered moving but we are limited due to our office locations. Here are the state school options by area:

  1. Small but incredibly expensive city. Excellent state secondaries, but very competitive, to the extent living a mile away is no guarantee of getting in. The schools are also single sex, and we have DS, so we would have to live equidistant between the 2 which would lower our changes further. And we would have to gamble by maxing our mortgage out for simply the chance of getting in with nothing guaranteed. There’s 2 other secondaries but they’re worse and on the fringes of the city.
  2. A medium size city, affordable houses but the secondaries are rubbish. It’s commutable to grammar, but if they didn’t get in, the state schools on offer would be dire. This is where we are now.
  3. A very affordable small town which is ok but I prefer far less to option 1 or 2. Longer commute for us, but we could buy a house fairly cheaply and the town has a small mixed indie with reasonable fees. Grammar is within reach by 1 train stop of around 20 minutes (different to the grammar above) but this would mean a move around 70 miles away from where we are now. I do have some family and friends here however. But the day to day would be fairly hectic.
OP posts:
Hankunamatata · 15/03/2025 19:18

I don't take it as head saying dc is in wrong setting, it's them explaining there is a huge proportion of sen in the class, some who need a specialist placement but they arnt in one

Surely if you dd us leaving and is happy are the most important issues

loadalaundry · 15/03/2025 19:18

I agree with @Labraradabrador re fee rises & with VAT, lower birth rates & just general increased costs I think fees will increase quite significantly each year as many schools are already struggling.

loadalaundry · 15/03/2025 19:15

@Labraradabrador of course & why I said in my first response there must be some decent options, it's unusual for them all to be bad.

loadalaundry · 15/03/2025 19:14

Well unless something unexpected happens we will be earning 110k jointly, with a cash pot of 30k (we would just put this to one side). School fees would be 50k at their peak if we had to send both to senior school, which would leave us 60k a year for everything else.

I didn't realise you meant 110k net so gross you earn more like 170k. I still think it's tight for the whole way through

Labraradabrador · 15/03/2025 19:12

loadalaundry · 15/03/2025 19:12

@Labraradabrador not issues I see in my dcs school or the ones Ive worked in. Of course some dc misbehave but dc get excellent results.

Like I said - it’s a bit of a lottery.

loadalaundry · 15/03/2025 19:12

@Labraradabrador not issues I see in my dcs school or the ones Ive worked in. Of course some dc misbehave but dc get excellent results.

Labraradabrador · 15/03/2025 19:09

ChilliLips · 15/03/2025 19:04

Well unless something unexpected happens we will be earning 110k jointly, with a cash pot of 30k (we would just put this to one side). School fees would be 50k at their peak if we had to send both to senior school, which would leave us 60k a year for everything else. Our mortgage is small and we don’t have any expensive hobbies, cars or holidays. We have no debts and nothing on finance. I’m not saying we’re multimillionaires who could easily afford it, but it looks like we could manage and have a little wiggle room if needed. I have appropriate insurance for illness, death etc. Our jobs are public service in the type of role that doesn’t get the chop due to cuts, so we’re as sure as we can be that we won’t be made unemployed.

I would assume fees rise by 5% a year - some years will be less than that, but in recent years it has been more than that before even getting into VAT. I was told to expect senior fees to double by the time they get from reception to y13.

i would say your situation is doable with one child, but I would be very nervous about getting them both from primary all the way through y13. You will know your outgoings and career prospects better than us, though.

Original poster
ChilliLips · 15/03/2025 19:04

Well unless something unexpected happens we will be earning 110k jointly, with a cash pot of 30k (we would just put this to one side). School fees would be 50k at their peak if we had to send both to senior school, which would leave us 60k a year for everything else. Our mortgage is small and we don’t have any expensive hobbies, cars or holidays. We have no debts and nothing on finance. I’m not saying we’re multimillionaires who could easily afford it, but it looks like we could manage and have a little wiggle room if needed. I have appropriate insurance for illness, death etc. Our jobs are public service in the type of role that doesn’t get the chop due to cuts, so we’re as sure as we can be that we won’t be made unemployed.

OP posts:
Labraradabrador · 15/03/2025 19:03

@loadalaundry the challenge is that even in a ‘nice’ area with ‘good’ schools it can be a bit of a lottery. I live in one such area and moved to private pretty quickly having volunteered in the classroom and seeing first hand how incredibly difficult it can be to meet the needs of all children given current state resourcing, send and general behaviour.

loadalaundry · 15/03/2025 18:57

and if you don't have any decent secondary state options you could start saving although still think it would be very tight. Alternatively could you move to a nicer area?