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AIBU?

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Original poster

I think my son is gay

108 replies

YeahYeahYeahsFan · 12/03/2025 17:53

Don't know what to do about my son, what would you do!
I would be completely okay with whatever happens. As a bit of background, we come from a strictly religious family (Catholic.) I am not homophobic AT ALL, I have countless gay friends whom I have no prejudice against.
It's my son that I'm worried about; he struggles with feelings of shame and inadequacy as part of this religion and I know that even the thought of being gay would make him distraught and give him so many unmanageable emotions. I also believe he has a crush on his close (male) friend who we've known for years. The crush is quite obvious to me (perhaps that's because I'm his mother!) but I think he's in denial. Recently, I overheard what sounded like prayer in his bedroom in between him sobbing and asking for repentance and forgiveness for, presumably, his sexuality. I feel so so sorry for him. I know he doesn't have any issues with other people being gay, but if it were him I think he would feel shattered.

I've made the fact that I am not homophobic and I will always love him blatantly clear. My question is, AIBU to suspect this? Am I overthinking??!!! Also what would you do!!!
Many thanks😁

OP posts:
ScholesPanda · 12/03/2025 18:09

How old is your DS? Also, how attached is he to his faith?

I think both make a difference to how I'd react.

phlebasconsidered · 12/03/2025 18:05

My family are Catholic. I'm not. When I was 16 my 17 year old cousin came out. The way the church reacted was disgusting and although I know my auntie loved him it caused a rift, as she was forced into a situation where she felt she had to choose the church. That was the late 1980's. It appalled me. Me and my cousin remain close and he is now happily married to his partner.

Don't choose the church. Other faiths are kinder, if still misguided. Support your son. It means everything. No child should feel a faith hates them.

In contrast, my dd came out at 17 to me. My responsewas, "Thanks for telling me, fancy a curry?" And we went out for a meal. She is not crying in her room. She's trying to get me to buy tickets to Reading to see Chappell Roan and we're taking a carload of her friends to gay pride this year.

Your heart is telling you.

x2boys · 12/03/2025 18:03

Just accept.him for who he is .

AltitudeCheck · 12/03/2025 18:02

You don't need to do anything about your son, you need to do something about the people in his life who are making him feel shame for who he is.

I can't understand why any parent would raise their kid in an environment that runs the risk of making them feel this way. Surely part of your role as a parent is not letting bullies destroy your kid's self esteem?

Yolo12345 · 12/03/2025 17:58

Chill out and let him discover himself. This will probably be the least important thing about him.

SusanStrat · 12/03/2025 17:57

I can understand why your son may feel very conflicted if you are a practising catholic and also say you are not homophobic as the Catholic Church is very clear on its views on homosexuality.

All you can do for your son is make it clear that you love him and support him regardless of what your religion and wider family may think.

Dolphinnoises · 12/03/2025 17:55

How old is he?