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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To help a friend with their house purchase?

158 replies

DoNoTakeNo · 12/03/2025 17:17

He is likely to be divorcing in the next few months & doesn't have the finances available to buy the family home (no kids involved) to which he is really emotionally attached.

I believe he is short by around £100k which DH & I are lucky enough to have.

WIBU to help him out?
And would a straight loan be better than jointly buying the house with him? FWIW he is self employed in a steady business & we've known him for over a decade.
I want to help him, he is genuinely a good man, but I'm not prepared to risk my kids inheritance!

(Sorry I don't know how to enable voting from the app.)

OP posts:
GardeningEconomist · 12/03/2025 19:38

You must be bloody joking!!

Only ever lend money that you are willing to lose. Havent you read the threads on here about friend loans that have gone wrong.

You are demonstrating financial lunacy @DoNoTakeNo

JustAnotherManicMomday · 12/03/2025 19:36

Personally I would say no but if you do help out, have it drawn up as a % of the property and he buys you out when affordable. I would stipulate in agreement he will be solely responsible for maintaining the property.

Allthenameshavegone1972 · 12/03/2025 19:30

Can't believe you're even considering it, it's family money that you could easily lose!

IDoWhateverItTakes · 12/03/2025 19:23

Don't do this. Seriously. Don't.

TurquoiseDress · 12/03/2025 19:12

My gut reaction would be no bloody way!

Unless £100k is just pocket money to you...

Do it if you can afford to lose it

iamnotalemon · 12/03/2025 19:10

No, most definitely not. Even if it was a tenth of that amount I wouldn't do it.

Have loaned money before and it hasn't ended well.

What if you suddenly need the money back and it's tied up in his property?

Biglifedecisions · 12/03/2025 19:08

No.

Absolutely no chance.

You never ever lend anything you can’t afford to lose.

UnNiddeRides · 12/03/2025 19:08

Ionut · 12/03/2025 18:58

She just needed a bit of a wake up call, leave her be.

Show quote history

If she has that much money to potentially lose, I doubt that she need reassurance…

MummaMummaMumma · 12/03/2025 19:07

Definitely not.
Only ever lend money knowing that there is a high chance you won't be getting it back, ever.
You may loose the money plus your friendship.

Peahen81 · 12/03/2025 19:06

God no. I thought you were going to say £10K and I’d say only if you can afford to loose it.

Ritzybitzy · 12/03/2025 19:05

You would be insane. Totally insane.

LadyBracknellsHandbagg · 12/03/2025 19:05

DoNoTakeNo · 12/03/2025 17:17

He is likely to be divorcing in the next few months & doesn't have the finances available to buy the family home (no kids involved) to which he is really emotionally attached.

I believe he is short by around £100k which DH & I are lucky enough to have.

WIBU to help him out?
And would a straight loan be better than jointly buying the house with him? FWIW he is self employed in a steady business & we've known him for over a decade.
I want to help him, he is genuinely a good man, but I'm not prepared to risk my kids inheritance!

(Sorry I don't know how to enable voting from the app.)

How would he pay you back? I personally wouldn’t do it, but if you do, you need to have an absolutely watertight legal document of some sort that is enforceable if something goes wrong. Do not be tempted to do this on trust, it doesn’t matter how nice he is or how long you’ve known him, people do all sorts of unimaginable stuff when money is involved.

AchNo · 12/03/2025 19:04

100% no.

mumda · 12/03/2025 19:04

Unless you piss money no.

JazzyBBBG · 12/03/2025 19:03

Not unless you are about to divorce and run off with him. Even then it's probably a bad idea.

BMW6 · 12/03/2025 19:00

DoNoTakeNo · 12/03/2025 18:32

I bloody love Mumsnet!
Decision made.
Thank you 🤩

Wise decision OP. Money and friendship don't mix. You'll probably lose money and/or friend.

Chuchoter · 12/03/2025 18:59

Not a good idea at all and it will destroy the friendship and you'll lose your children's inheritance money.

Ionut · 12/03/2025 18:58

Itchywrist · 12/03/2025 18:42

Bloody hell.

Some people really do seem to rely on mumsnet don’t they?!

Show quote history

She just needed a bit of a wake up call, leave her be.

Channellingsophistication · 12/03/2025 18:52

Phew, pleased to read your update. I was getting quite stressed reading your post.

It’s very kind that you thought of doing this, but it would be bonkers in my opinion. You would likely not see that money again!

Itchywrist · 12/03/2025 18:42

DoNoTakeNo · 12/03/2025 18:32

I bloody love Mumsnet!
Decision made.
Thank you 🤩

Bloody hell.

Some people really do seem to rely on mumsnet don’t they?!

TequilaNights · 12/03/2025 18:40

Unless you buy the house and he stays in it paying you rent with a tenancy agreement, don't do it.

Moveoverdarlin · 12/03/2025 18:39

Ridiculous. Wouldn’t do it in a million years. 100k? Can you afford to lose it?

Original poster
DoNoTakeNo · 12/03/2025 18:32

I bloody love Mumsnet!
Decision made.
Thank you 🤩

OP posts:
HomeBodyClub · 12/03/2025 18:31

I imagine he’s came over with this begging cap since you know how emotionally attached he is…

They may not even divorce and sail off with your 100k. Trust nobody.

ReadingSoManyThreads · 12/03/2025 18:29

You'd be CRAZY to give £100K to someone when you're earmarking that for your children's futures. And I say "give", as you really don't know if you'll ever see it again. So many relationships turn sour when money's involved. Don't do it.

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