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AIBU?

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Original poster

To help a friend with their house purchase?

158 replies

DoNoTakeNo · 12/03/2025 17:17

He is likely to be divorcing in the next few months & doesn't have the finances available to buy the family home (no kids involved) to which he is really emotionally attached.

I believe he is short by around £100k which DH & I are lucky enough to have.

WIBU to help him out?
And would a straight loan be better than jointly buying the house with him? FWIW he is self employed in a steady business & we've known him for over a decade.
I want to help him, he is genuinely a good man, but I'm not prepared to risk my kids inheritance!

(Sorry I don't know how to enable voting from the app.)

OP posts:
measureofmydreams · 12/03/2025 21:53

A wise friend once said to me that he never loans money, he gives it. That way there is no expectation of having it paid back. But £100k is a lot to give and it sounds as if you have other plans for that money.

Don't.

Kindling1970 · 12/03/2025 21:47

Emotionally attached to a house? He needs to grow up. Sounds like he’s saying that shit to manipulate you. He can’t afford to be emotionally attached

Original poster
DoNoTakeNo · 12/03/2025 21:46

DH & friend knew / knows nothing about it at all. When I was considering it. But I'm not now!
I really must ask the hive mind to ask me when I have more thoughts.
Thank you x

PS I'm happy to be thought of as kind. That's the big plus for me from this.

OP posts:
Kindling1970 · 12/03/2025 21:44

My father in law lent £250k to a friend who then pissed off and never gave it back. Did this when his kids were little. Kids are now adults and really resent the fact he put a friend above their financial security as they all now struggle financially. Dad basically can’t say no and thinks money makes you likeable but don’t trust anyone when it comes to money.

CarrieOnComplaining · 12/03/2025 21:35

Oooh , are you Michael Sheen?

If not, don’t be daft!

OverthinkingOlive · 12/03/2025 21:12

You'd be absolutely crazy to even consider this even if he's the most honourable man on the planet.

Heaven forbid of course, what if he died? Or became injured / incapable of earning money to repay you?

Yellowhammer09 · 12/03/2025 21:11

Blimey, that's more money than my parents gave me and I'm their favourite* daughter!

(*Only)

Didimum · 12/03/2025 21:08

Stay out of it. Emotional support only.

RadFs · 12/03/2025 21:01

DoNoTakeNo · 12/03/2025 18:32

I bloody love Mumsnet!
Decision made.
Thank you 🤩

What was your husband saying about giving him the £100k? Glad you decided not to give. It took me a few years to get £3k back

CharlotteCChapel · 12/03/2025 20:50

Don't do it, but if you decide to go ahead make sure you get good legal advice about a contract.

Zeb81 · 12/03/2025 20:48

Don't do it.

Loopytiles · 12/03/2025 20:46

WTF

GreyAreas · 12/03/2025 20:46

No. It might seem generous but you will be giving him an obligation that will weigh you both down and affect your relationship. It's a step too far over the boundary.

FloofyKat · 12/03/2025 20:45

Hurrah! Common sense prevails!

ThatGladTiger · 12/03/2025 20:41

He wants to buy the home because he’s emotionally attached not because there are kids that need it.

This is madness. He needs to get a grip and buy within his price range.

Go give yourself a talking to….. this is a stupid reason to give someone £100k! (but you do sound very kind).

Mumto42005 · 12/03/2025 20:38

BlumminFreezin · 12/03/2025 17:29

Madness.

I could imagine doing this for a friend if they were a very good, reliable friend and it was £10k. A figure that could be repaid within a few years.

£100k...you're basically giving him a mortgage. Even if it all went well. It could well take him 20 years to pay you back and you'd lose a shit load of interest over the years.

I agree with this completely.

There are so many different things to consider here. Does he know you are considering loaning this to him? I would never allow a good friend to do this for me, and risk the friendship.

What if he doesn’t pay one month? Two? Three? Will you feel comfortable asking for payments if not made on time? Or at all?

Please don’t do this. Keep yours and your children’s future safe (& I say this as someone who doesn’t have a single penny of savings sadly)

okydokethen · 12/03/2025 20:36

Don't do it. If you could afford to assume you'll never get it back, go for it but otherwise no.

Fountofwisdom · 12/03/2025 20:30

Absolute madness to even consider this. You are risking an enormous amount of money. None of us has a crystal ball - you have no idea what’s around the corner that might require you to access savings for some eventuality and you could have tied it all up in this property or worse, lost out completely.

Money corrupts and it ruins friendships and lives.

Fountofwisdom · 12/03/2025 20:27

PussInBin20 · 12/03/2025 17:19

No. Don’t mix business with pleasure as they say. It’ll end in tears. Money does funny things to people.

^ 100% this ^ Don’t do it, you will definitely regret it.

BatchCookBabe · 12/03/2025 20:24

Embarrassinglyuseless · 12/03/2025 20:22

a friend of mine needed a bridging loan to cover the space between selling her house and buying a new one during the divorce. I’d known her forever + wrote up a basic contract stating what it was - lent her about 80k and had it back in my bank account 12 weeks later.

only you know your friend + your relationship. Be careful - but it’s not necessarily a horrible plan

Brave. (Or bonkers!) I would NEVER do this, unless I could afford to lose the money.

TheCatterall · 12/03/2025 20:22

My dad lent his life long best friend £80k over 30 years ago and they got the deeds to a property as collateral and some legal agreement. Then there was a big fall out and for 30 years they’ve had court cases on and off and his ‘Mate’ paid interest only each year. My dad’s in his 80s now and the whole thing was only resolved and paid off last year.

do not mix business/money and friends or family.

Embarrassinglyuseless · 12/03/2025 20:22

a friend of mine needed a bridging loan to cover the space between selling her house and buying a new one during the divorce. I’d known her forever + wrote up a basic contract stating what it was - lent her about 80k and had it back in my bank account 12 weeks later.

only you know your friend + your relationship. Be careful - but it’s not necessarily a horrible plan

BatchCookBabe · 12/03/2025 20:15

DoNoTakeNo · 12/03/2025 18:32

I bloody love Mumsnet!
Decision made.
Thank you 🤩

And the decision is............ ??? Hope it's NO!

Crazybaby123 · 12/03/2025 19:40

Thats way too much money. What if he suddenly got an injury and couldnt work or similar. Too much money and too risky.

BarryAsthma · 12/03/2025 19:38

AngelinaFibres · 12/03/2025 18:12

I know plenty of men who are emotionally attached to cars or motorbikes or porn. Never met a man who was emotionally attached to a house.

Show quote history

Maybe the OP’s friend is a bit nicer than all the men you know then? Bit of a sweeping generalisation…

but, no, you shouldn’t give him £100k, OP

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