To help a friend with their house purchase?

MutedMavis · 08/06/2025 18:01

@DoNoTakeNo hello OP. Can I ask did you lend the money to your husbands friend? I'm being asked a similar favour?

Diddlyumptious · 14/03/2025 18:59

NO!

Owl55 · 14/03/2025 14:45

What happens if he meets someone new , settles down for a few years and then splits up with them , would they be entitled to half of the value of the house too? Say no!

petmad · 14/03/2025 13:04

Never a lender nor a borrower be this will end in tears dont do it

Buffs · 14/03/2025 12:14

No, please don’t. I’d like a big house, I can’t afford one, end of.

tempname1234 · 14/03/2025 09:05

If both you and your husband want to help this friend

AND

he is financially stable in his life and business

AND

his business is being run successfully, which can be seen by at least 3 years of accounts

then if it were me and I had that spare cash, I’d offer

BUT

no I would not Co-own the home as that puts you in the line for repairs, taxes, insurance, maintenance etc

rather I’d give a loan that is secured against the home and registered at land registry so that if the house needs to be sold for some reason in the future, you’d be one of the first in line to be repaid out if proceeds if sake. Also in case if death/probate.

there can’t be any room for argument, negotiation etc if you have a charge on the house. If you all fall out, you’d still get your money.

strongly advise you seek independent legal advice on this before you give any money to your friend.

angela1952 · 14/03/2025 08:37

Sorry, hadn't read your updates. So glad you have made this decision.

angela1952 · 14/03/2025 08:36

Don't do it. You shouldn't even be considering it, never a good idea to lend money to friends.

Cojones · 14/03/2025 00:04

Please don’t do this. How would you protect your equity?
What happens when you need your money back, he hasn’t repaid any/all of the loan? What if he doesn’t want to sell his precious house, can’t remortgage and refuses to entertain selling up?
Walk away from this idea. Save your friendship and your money by keeping them separate.

Themaths · 13/03/2025 23:24

oldmoaner · 13/03/2025 23:18

There's an old but true saying. "If you want to keep a friend, never borrow and never lend".
What would happen if he couldn't afford repayments on mortgage and house got re-possessed? You've lot your money, what if he died (people do, at any age) who would get the house? Again, you'd loose your money. If it were £5,000 I'd risk it but £100,000 no way. Sorry he can't afford the house, so can't have it.

Cancel the cheque OP

oldmoaner · 13/03/2025 23:18

There's an old but true saying. "If you want to keep a friend, never borrow and never lend".
What would happen if he couldn't afford repayments on mortgage and house got re-possessed? You've lot your money, what if he died (people do, at any age) who would get the house? Again, you'd loose your money. If it were £5,000 I'd risk it but £100,000 no way. Sorry he can't afford the house, so can't have it.

ChellyT · 13/03/2025 22:28

DoNoTakeNo · 12/03/2025 17:17

He is likely to be divorcing in the next few months & doesn't have the finances available to buy the family home (no kids involved) to which he is really emotionally attached.

I believe he is short by around £100k which DH & I are lucky enough to have.

WIBU to help him out?
And would a straight loan be better than jointly buying the house with him? FWIW he is self employed in a steady business & we've known him for over a decade.
I want to help him, he is genuinely a good man, but I'm not prepared to risk my kids inheritance!

(Sorry I don't know how to enable voting from the app.)

Never lend what you can't afford to give.

Your heart is in the right place and you are a wonderful friend BUT If you can afford to kiss your $100k away then by all means lend it but if you can't don't.

Treesandsheepeverywhere · 13/03/2025 22:20

Well done on your decision OP.
Imagine he remarries and divorces before paying you back, that's at least 50% gone.

I had a friend offer me a house deposit but turned it down. As much as I would have wanted to pay it back, circumstances can change and I didn't want to be beholden to them or live with the guilt of not being able to pay back.

Would have soured the friendship too, which is still going.

The best you can do is be there for him.

BlueFlowers5 · 13/03/2025 19:50

Better off giving him 6 months rent up front on a small property for him and his kids.

Don't buy for or with him. He cant afford it!

GasPanic · 13/03/2025 18:51

Sounds a bit crazy. At some point he might decide his friendship with you is worth less than 100k.

laraitopbanana · 13/03/2025 18:50

Hi,

if that is your kids inheritance then don’t do it.

very, very bad idea. But it is nice you thought about it!

Washingupdone · 13/03/2025 18:38

No, no, and no. Even with a family it turns difficult.
Congratulations, DoNoTakeNo, I hope you are going to keep to your word and not do it.

GiveDogBone · 13/03/2025 18:31

On no account help him out. Lending money to friends (and family) is a terrible idea. So many things can lead to you not getting it back. Countless friendships and families have been torn apart by loans that have turned into gifts. (By all means give him the money of you want to).

mjf981 · 13/03/2025 08:54

I'd consider it if I was filthy rich - say 20 million plus.
But if this is your kids' inheritance and you're not sitting on millions then it'd be a no from me too.

HomeBodyClub · 13/03/2025 08:47

I can’t believe it would even cross your mind. Use that money for your kids.

GreenRugbyField · 12/03/2025 23:01

If you are willing to give a way £100k go ahead.

It’s not worth the heartache it will cause your family. His house needs to be sold, and he needs to buy, rent something else.

You don’t have to save him, much as you might like to.

It could have dreadful consequences for your own life, if he was unable or unwilling to repay the money.

Imagine he became bankrupt, you would lose the money.

There is a reason that he’s coming to you for the money, he’s not able to borrow it elsewhere as he is a poor risk.

Original poster

DoNoTakeNo · 12/03/2025 22:32

EggBleater · 12/03/2025 22:06

@DoNoTakeNo do you have a history of being overly generous at a cost to yourself?
As I said upthread, your unsolicited 'help' would've just enabled him. He is a grownup who can look after himself.

Interesting question & one I'll think about. Thank you.
Not gonna do it though.

OP posts:

Devianinc · 12/03/2025 22:14

DoNoTakeNo · 12/03/2025 21:46

DH & friend knew / knows nothing about it at all. When I was considering it. But I'm not now!
I really must ask the hive mind to ask me when I have more thoughts.
Thank you x

PS I'm happy to be thought of as kind. That's the big plus for me from this.

You made my night. I’m so happy you decided against. Yay

Devianinc · 12/03/2025 22:12

AngelinaFibres · 12/03/2025 18:12

I know plenty of men who are emotionally attached to cars or motorbikes or porn. Never met a man who was emotionally attached to a house.

Show quote history

Lol

EggBleater · 12/03/2025 22:06

@DoNoTakeNo do you have a history of being overly generous at a cost to yourself?
As I said upthread, your unsolicited 'help' would've just enabled him. He is a grownup who can look after himself.