To not get MIL anything for birthday after I didn’t get anything?

I sort out something small from the children because I know my husband has not and I need them to see that I care about their grandmother but it is not from me.

She hasn't remembered my birthday for the last two years other than a passive aggressive card (last one was Sagittarius always has to be right)

I get my own back in small ways like buying the same gift for her and my father in laws partner 😎

My mil rarely buys me anything but I still get her something - I don't buy to receive. What my husband chooses to buy or not buy his mum doesn't matter to me, if he forgets then that's on him, I don't remind him because it's not my responsibility to. Saying that there is also nothing wrong with just sending a happy birthday text either, I doubt she's going to sit around wondering where her gift is.

I did get a slightly miffed text from a friend once because I hadn't thanked them for some flowers. That was the first I'd heard about any flowers, because the florist left they outside my door while I was at work and they'd been stolen before I got home! So it might be worth your DH checking that she really didn't send anything before getting too upset. If he feels awkward having that chat with his own mum, then the family probably has bigger problems than birthday gifts.

I can't believe women are still taking on this sexist wife work. I'm in my 60s and 38 years married - I have never been responsible for DHs family's gifts/cards, and likewise he's never been responsible for mine. I wonder how male same sex couples handle family gift buying, if it's so hard for men to cope with?

Are you quite sure that she didn't send you anything?

Imagine how awkward it would be if she has sent something, and it's been delivered to a neighbour / stolen / lost, and she has been waiting for a thank you.

She is probably writing a post to put on MN titled "DIL didn't acknowledge birthday gift, should I say something?"

So she's got you birthday gifts for 20 years, this year she didn't so you're suddenly deciding you're not getting her anything either? Yeah, that's petty. Likely she forgot, it's no big deal.

I used to always get MIL and FIL birthday and Xmas gifts, Mother's Day, Father's Day etc. One time I got them a lovely canvas (after speaking to DH) with pics of them and their grandkids on, cost a lot and they shoved it in the back room never saw the light of day. Found that very hurtful and over the years I've got them less and less to the point I don't bother. Told DH they're his parents he can sort gifts.

What if she buys you a gift next year and she just forgot?

Then the world will end, fire & brimstone will rain down and humanity will fail...

Or the OP could say "thanks very much" and life will go on.

Agree with the point about matching energy and also leaving all DHs side to DH (and making this known)

@fluffypeachpatch Totally fine, just make sure you text her on her birthday so it's all equal. And if she does make anything of it shrug, smile nicely and say "oh, we thought you didn't want to do them anymore" .

It should be his “job” every year.

Does he organise your mother’s presents for you, no I didn’t think so. So why is it normalised for the women to do it for the mans family?

What if she buys you a gift next year and she just forgot? I think if you have a relationship with her buy her a present. For me it’s your DH outsourcing buying his mother a gift that is thoroughly unsavoury and rather than getting cross at her - get mad at ur OH. Maybe your MIL got wind that it has been you buying the gifts and is rightly upset. Awful.

Does your DH get you a birthday present, or does he 'forget' then too?

Nothing wrong with matching her energy.

maybe take it as an opportunity to stop giving presents to each other. Sounds more like a chore for you anyways. We just give presents to children in our family and don't do adults anymore. Saves a lof of stress. Half of the time nobody knows what to buy and they are just token gifts. See it as an opportunity.

I would be pleased it stopped, so I don't have to reciprocate anymore.

So your DH pretended to forget his mother's birthday, just so he didn't need to bother himself with buying her a present? I really wouldn't be entertaining that for even a second.

I didn't send my BIL anything this year. I realised with horror several weeks later when DSis made a quip about his advancing age.

I just forgot, and have apologised. I'll give him something when I see him. I can't imagine for a minute he's been muttering about not getting me anything by way of retaliation, but if you don't want to don't do it. Or as PP says make DH's mother's gift his responsibility.

Personally I think it's not worth the fall out

What has Dh said to his mother about it?

Realise that's not what you asked, OP, but it seems a bigger issue than MIL not buying you one, once.

A man who can't be arsed to buy his own mother a birthday present would give me the ick, tbh. (I know that's an overused term now, but it fits here.)

But this year it’s his job and I know he won’t do anything.

And...?? He's a big boy now so let him do it alllll by himself.

After twenty plus years I stopped getting gifts and cards for DHs side of the family. Some never gave to me (but did do the DC) after DH said it wasn't that difficult to do when I moaned about not knowing what to buy his mother for Christmas. Since then she/they got nothing because apparently it's hard for him to remember to get gifts or cards in time 😬 However, I now feel very stress-free and it's a lovely feeling ❤ Try it OP.

I wouldn't have ever bought her a gift when she has a son there who could! Did she acknowledge your birthday at all?