My SIL (DH's sister) disclosed to me and DH last year that her boyfriend of 7 years had been verbally abusing her for 2 years and had made her feel physically unsafe on a few occasions. It was a huge shock to us. She was distraught and we obviously told her to end the relationship.
Directly after her disclosure, she had time away from him but soon took him back.
They do not have children together and do not own a property together.
Just before Christmas, SIL came to see me, upset about her relationship, although she didn't mention any abuse. It was more about how she felt unvalued and how she felt the bf was depressed but that he refused to seek help.
They are still together now, nearly a year on. She told me recently that she's happy now and he's making an effort but I still can't unhear what she told us - he had repeatedly called her a "fucking ugly cunt" amongst other insults and had thrown things at her.
We sometimes have family gatherings to which he was obviously invited to in the past but I still don't feel comfortable welcoming someone capable of that kind of behaviour into our house.
AIBU to not allow him in our house or should I move on as she has?
I should add that we still see SIL on her own.