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AIBU?

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Original poster

To think that people who constantly cut others off for being “toxic” are actually just unbearable themselves?

63 replies

UniqueOlivePombear · 12/03/2025 13:56

If you’ve had to “remove negativity” from your life five times this year, maybe you’re the common denominator.

OP posts:
MyUmberSeal · 12/03/2025 14:33

the80sweregreat · 12/03/2025 14:32

I find this with some people too.
I know that nobodies perfect, but I'd love to hear the other side of the coin sometimes

I think this quite often when I read threads on MN about marital issues. I would so love to hear the other side of the story.

the80sweregreat · 12/03/2025 14:32

I find this with some people too.
I know that nobodies perfect, but I'd love to hear the other side of the coin sometimes

MyUmberSeal · 12/03/2025 14:30

Yes I agree, if you are the constant denominator, it’s not unreasonable at all to consider that you are, in fact, the problem to begin with.

Daisyvodka · 12/03/2025 14:30

It's a win win, as per PP.

I know two different people for which whom their lives would be much better cutting 3-4 people i could name out, these friends/family treat them terrible (and no, these aren't 'two sides to every story' situations) but they are so indoctrinated by the cult of 'family means putting up with shit behaviour' and 'be kind' that they continue to be punching bags and lap dogs for these awful people

DecafDodger · 12/03/2025 14:28

I tend to agree. Yes sure there are situations where someone needs to cut off a number of toxic relatives. But if you are really the one constantly falling out with people and regularly going no contact with random friends, it's probably you.

OnlyHerefortheBiscuits · 12/03/2025 14:25

YANBU In all my 37 years I've removed one person from my life because, on reflection, they were not treating me very nicely.

The situation was toxic or as I prefer to call it - unhealthy, but they themselves were not toxic. Few people are.

madamweb · 12/03/2025 14:10

Sorry @Lilaccrystals I meant to quote the op

XDownwiththissortofthingX · 12/03/2025 14:09

UniqueOlivePombear · 12/03/2025 13:56

If you’ve had to “remove negativity” from your life five times this year, maybe you’re the common denominator.

Perhaps, but then it's a net win/win, because then the "cut off" party is down one toxic source of irritation in their lives as well 👌

madamweb · 12/03/2025 14:09

Lilaccrystals · 12/03/2025 14:06

For me, yes.

I realised I was the problem. I was the common denominator.

I was the “yes” girl, the push over, people pleaser. I was the one letting the negativity in, and constantly moaned about it.

I realised I was being toxic to myself and in turn toxic to others because I wouldn’t be honest about my feelings.

I’ve cut people off now and realised what’s / who’s right for me and who isn’t.

Taking ownership is a huge thing but I fully agree, in some cases you can be the issue.

Yes, although not always in exactly the way you mean

I realized (due to trauma) that I had a tendency to put up with lots of intolerable behaviour from people until they bulldozed all my boundaries and only at that point would I snap and cut them out. I have realised it is actually a kindness to people (and my relationship with them) to start pushing back long before they have completely trashed our relationship. But the other people also should never have taken advantage of my or my good nature like that.

Lilaccrystals · 12/03/2025 14:06

For me, yes.

I realised I was the problem. I was the common denominator.

I was the “yes” girl, the push over, people pleaser. I was the one letting the negativity in, and constantly moaned about it.

I realised I was being toxic to myself and in turn toxic to others because I wouldn’t be honest about my feelings.

I’ve cut people off now and realised what’s / who’s right for me and who isn’t.

Taking ownership is a huge thing but I fully agree, in some cases you can be the issue.

Bailamosse · 12/03/2025 14:06

It might not be true of everyone, of course, but it’s certainly true of the ones I know.

Same goes for the people who can never stick with a job due to ‘bullying’. Almost always their issue.

FrippEnos · 12/03/2025 14:04

Like so many things in this world the answer is
It depends on the the surrounding context

Maitri108 · 12/03/2025 13:58

Perhaps or perhaps you come from a dysfunctional background which means you find it hard to spot red flags or be assertive.