Page 8 | AIBU - Friend has 'stolen' party idea

Homer28 · 2025-03-12T12:42:47+00:00

Hi, As a family we often go to an adventure centre/party place around 75 mins drive from our home town so not local and never been invited to a party there before. Last year we did a party there at the centres waterpark for my daughters 10th birthday. This same venue, which throws excellent parties and has lots of party options from bowling to waterpark etc and also has an aerial assault course but it has an age/height limit. My daughter has said for a couple of years that when everyone is 10/11+ she will do a party there as its cool/scary. This year in December (party isn't until June) she asked if she could have her party there in June. Her dad was concerned that in theory its a brilliant day out but that people may be afraid of the heights/parents may be hesitant and it could not be as exciting as shes thinks. I text another parent of two of her friends for a second opinion and she thought it was a cool idea (wasn't aware this existed) and her kids would love to go!. Cue this month when she tells me she is booking this for her daughters party in April. I gently suggested that the two girls having the same party might be an issue as its important at 10 to have the 'cool' party and they like to put an individual stamp on it and the parties will only be 8 weeks apart. She disagrees and thinks a party venue is open to all kids who wish to have their parties there. I was pre empting the upset from my 10 year old who laments that shell be chastised by the class for 'copying' the first birthday girl and it takes the shine off her idea which has been brewing for a while. AIBU to be annoyed? YABU - You don't own a party idea! YANBU - Its not cool to hear an idea from a friend and pip them to the post on it.

Original poster

Homer28 · 14/03/2025 09:59

Notsosure1 · 14/03/2025 09:54

You’re not being a princess - she brought it up in a situation which put you on the spot and would have made it awkward for you to question it - then sent out invitations despite you raising your concern - not a friend - Thrown you and your DD under the bus - do not trust her going forward. Would she be laid back if roles were reversed?

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She said her and her DD would not be bothered one iota about this.

Its funny that they are so laid back and ‘unbothered’ and yet not laid back enough to pick a different party idea.

I think she is just making sure her DD has what she wants and thinks her child’s feelings are her priority and trumps friends feelings. I’ve seen many scenarios where she uses this logic and I get it but you won’t maintain very many successful friendships with school mums with this attitude in my experience - there should be a compromise.

OP posts:

Original poster

Homer28 · 14/03/2025 09:55

BananaNirvana · 14/03/2025 09:34

I’m having a crap day OP but your comment about being the Christopher Columbus of party venues has made me howl this morning 😂

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I’m glad some positivity is coming off the back of this thread.

I have found it mainly entertaining. 😅

OP posts:

Notsosure1 · 14/03/2025 09:54

Homer28 · 12/03/2025 15:36

Yes, I guess im advocating for my child.

I think there is also a sense that the other mum brought up that he child was going to book this party while we were having afternoon tea together (so we are very friendly) and when i suggested we would maybe need to discuss this further she shut it down as 'oh it was just an idea' and then the invite arrives a few weeks later.
Maybe i'm a bit hurt as its not how I expected a friend to behave but I do think on this occasion i am being a bit of a princess so i will have to let it drop. 😅

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You’re not being a princess - she brought it up in a situation which put you on the spot and would have made it awkward for you to question it - then sent out invitations despite you raising your concern - not a friend - Thrown you and your DD under the bus - do not trust her going forward. Would she be laid back if roles were reversed?

Notsosure1 · 14/03/2025 09:43

Homer28 · 12/03/2025 12:50

Thanks, I wasn't sure if i was being unreasonable so glad of the different perspectives but definitely getting my arse handed to me in such a way that im starting to wonder if i am a solo mental case.

People are getting second hand embarrassment at my actions lol

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I totally agree - can’t believe ppl are telling you you’re being unreasonable! Suspect it may be a bit of jealousy as they wouldn’t do that for their kids 10th.

If they haven’t sent their invites out I’d aim to do your party first or send invites out first. It may seem petty but there are dozens of other ideas out there she could have chosen from and it’s not like they’re 11 months apart!

Yes I think it’s pretty shit of the mum to use your idea - yeah of course it’s open to everyone but she hadn’t even thought of it before you said your daughter wanted to do
it. And yes 10 year olds are bothered about this sort of thing, a bday party is a big deal, especially if you celebrate milestones like 10, 16, 18 etc.

BananaNirvana · 14/03/2025 09:35

With laughter, just to clarify 😄

BananaNirvana · 14/03/2025 09:34

Homer28 · 13/03/2025 15:10

I don’t think I’m the Christopher Columbus of party venues!

I just think a post saying “local place gets booked for party big surprise” is silly as it’s not a local place and I know my friend and her daughter got the party idea from me, that’s not up for debate.

I don’t need any details deliberately changed to make me look worse than I already do 😂

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I’m having a crap day OP but your comment about being the Christopher Columbus of party venues has made me howl this morning 😂

Original poster

Homer28 · 14/03/2025 09:28

tempname1234 · 14/03/2025 08:51

YABU. I get why you’re a bit miffed because this lady hasn’t known about the place before you told her. But had she found out another way and booked you’d still be annoyed because you say the kids would want different parties

that is just not true

when mine were younger, certain children’s entertainers seemed to be doing the rounds. The kids lived them so parents would book after seeing them at another party

for my son, it were football parties once the new issue centre opened up. One person had this party, then it was as though that whole year every boy had his party there.

Sane thing happened with pool parties and then paintball as soon as they were old enough.

all the kids will have fun and that is what is important about the party for your daughter. This will happen more often than you know so very kindly say, get over it.

Kids are all different but the scenario is that my child wants to do something different otherwise I would be booking last months entertainer.

She would have been disappointed if someone else had booked it without my input and I would have been disappointed for her in that instance also BUT I wouldn’t have any feelings of anger at another parent who randomly booked the same party at my DD, it wouldn’t make sense for me to be hurt in that scenario.

The same points are being made over and over on this thread which are along the line of:

‘ANYONE could have booked this party’ - Yes but it changes the AIBU in my opinion. This is about how I feel my friend has behaved and lots of people get that.
‘Kids don’t care they just want to have FUN and never complain or have complex emotions’ - Kids are all different. My daughter wanted to do something different. Maybe she does like being the centre of attention (she is an enthusiastic drama student) but the crux of this is that she was upset, she did care about it so people saying kids don’t care about this, it’s the adults, aren’t making any sense. I do note that several posters have asked their own children if it would upset them to be told it would so there’s that.

😅

OP posts:

tempname1234 · 14/03/2025 08:51

YABU. I get why you’re a bit miffed because this lady hasn’t known about the place before you told her. But had she found out another way and booked you’d still be annoyed because you say the kids would want different parties

that is just not true

when mine were younger, certain children’s entertainers seemed to be doing the rounds. The kids lived them so parents would book after seeing them at another party

for my son, it were football parties once the new issue centre opened up. One person had this party, then it was as though that whole year every boy had his party there.

Sane thing happened with pool parties and then paintball as soon as they were old enough.

all the kids will have fun and that is what is important about the party for your daughter. This will happen more often than you know so very kindly say, get over it.

DelilahDaffodil · 14/03/2025 04:57

YANBU

xsquared · 14/03/2025 00:42

I remember when my dcs were young their friends' big birthday parties seem to be held in the same few places or hired the same entertainer in the same hall. It was like Groundhog day every other month or so.

The dc's birthdays are far apart enough, so they won't mind surely, especially if they enjoy in the first time. It would mean they have a reason to go twice.

SouthLondonMum22 · 14/03/2025 00:16

manysausages · 13/03/2025 23:06

Surely, this is the child equivalent of you mentioning where you want to get married, somewhere a bit cool and different, and your friend sneaking in there and booking their wedding there 2 months ahead of yours. Of course it’s annoying. Probably more so because “copying” is a big deal when you’re 12.

YANBU

Is it? You hopefully only get married once but kids have birthday parties every year.

Even then, unless we're talking about something completely out there, it really isn't likely to be that different just as a high ropes course type thing isn't that unusual either.

Original poster

Homer28 · 14/03/2025 00:11

Shotokan101 · 13/03/2025 21:07

Show us where she ever actually said anything even remotely similar to your "flight of fantasy" attempt at a put down?

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I was interested to see the reply to this but I don’t think it has arrived yet.

The same poster has posted a comment again missing the point about not being able to repeat parties or something which is NOT the point of the thread.

OP posts:

Saz12 · 13/03/2025 23:29

A high ropes course for a group of children might go well... but has a good chance of being awful. Only needs one to rediscover an uncontrollable fear of heights midway round and completely shut down. So discussing it with friends was sensible idea.

Of course your DD is disappointed her friend has stepped on her toes with this one. And if I were the other parent it's not what I'd have done.

AliceMcK · 13/03/2025 23:21

YANBU to be upset

YABU for talking about it to said friend about it, although I fully get you should not have to keep things like this a secret.

I never share fun/cool ideas with other school mums usually for this exact reason. Too many examples to mention.

As for your DD, she’s old enough to know that sometimes it better to keep things to herself, explain you didn’t expect the other mum to use her party idea and you’ve learnt your lesson. It sucks, but sometimes we have to suck unfair things up.

p.s the woman isn’t your friend, expect her to drop you like a led balloon when your DDs go to highschool.

jcsc · 13/03/2025 23:06

OP I agree with you. It’s the principle that you told your friend about the venue that she wouldn’t have booked and she has basically pipped you to the post and now you’ve got an upset child. I would be really annoyed and would actually question my friendship with this other mum.
I would probably look at an alternative venue to have my daughters party and distance myself from them over the coming months.

manysausages · 13/03/2025 23:06

Surely, this is the child equivalent of you mentioning where you want to get married, somewhere a bit cool and different, and your friend sneaking in there and booking their wedding there 2 months ahead of yours. Of course it’s annoying. Probably more so because “copying” is a big deal when you’re 12.

YANBU

MajorCarolDanvers · 13/03/2025 23:02

You are being ridiculous

Pinkfluff76 · 13/03/2025 22:57

I’m totally on your side OP. And no you’re not crazy. Pls don’t listen to all the so called perfect people who apparently wouldn’t care. Your supposed friend did a very shitty thing, and of course kids do care and your daughter is allowed to care and be upset. We’re allowed to be humans and not robots. That person isn’t a decent friend and I’d be really cheesed off and I’m pretty easy going. Good luck and I hope you figure out something great to do for your daughter’s double digit birthday. And also no it’s not your fault your dared to ask your fake friends opinion.

Definitelynotagladiator · 13/03/2025 22:46

OP, we went to two parties at the same venue a while ago and while it was the same party essentially, one was far better than the other.
One had all the bells and whistles you could ever want! And the other was ‘nice’.
So even though it’s the same place, the actual activity is only a small portion of the day from the sounds of it! So you can really ramp up the experience- you know this venue far better! And whatever doesn’t go well from their party- learn from it!
And most importantly keep ALL the extras a massive secret!
There must be some things the girls all adore that you could do for the party bags that would normally be ludicrous.
And while as adults this may not bother us, for 10 year old girls it would absolutely!
I hope your daughter has the best party! 🥳

Original poster

Homer28 · 13/03/2025 22:16

Molstraat · 13/03/2025 22:03

Yanbu OP.

MN is the worst place for a nasty kicking, sorry you are getting one.
Harsh lesson to keep things close to your chest I guess.
As for the mother in question I wouldn't tell her the time of day going forward.
She is definitely not your friend.
Keep it strictly about the children's friendship.

Yeah I think it has changed my opinion of her so there is some sort of 'grieving' the friendship sort of emotions going on there.

I did wonder if i was being completely OTT sensitive about it and she was a friend and hadn't done it in malice hence the thread..

The kicking has been hard to take but you go in to AIBU with your eyes wide open in that respect!.

OP posts:

HerbalBovril · 13/03/2025 22:14

Look at it like a practice run. The “scary” may end up outweighing the “cool”, therefore resulting in a dud party, in which case you dodge a particularly expensive and complicated bullet 🤷🏻‍♀️

I’d be secretly miffed too by the way. Unfortunately it’s just one of those things.

Original poster

Homer28 · 13/03/2025 22:10

PurpleThistle7 · 13/03/2025 22:07

I just asked my 12 year old and she said she’d be super upset. I think we all know no one owns a public party place but I would be surprised to have this happen without even a heads up. Of course we’ve all been to the same places multiple times but this is pretty specific.

I wouldn’t expect to be asked permission but a friendly text ‘my daughter won’t stop talking about x and we are going to book it for her party. I hope your daughter isn’t upset!’ Would At least have acknowledged that it’s not exactly obvious that a child wouldn’t be surprised by this.

I had been quite relaxed about it with your first post but then read on and got a bit annoyed on your behalf!

I've ironically become more annoyed as time has gone on but I think thats the result of all the abuse 😂.

OP posts:

PurpleThistle7 · 13/03/2025 22:07

I just asked my 12 year old and she said she’d be super upset. I think we all know no one owns a public party place but I would be surprised to have this happen without even a heads up. Of course we’ve all been to the same places multiple times but this is pretty specific.

I wouldn’t expect to be asked permission but a friendly text ‘my daughter won’t stop talking about x and we are going to book it for her party. I hope your daughter isn’t upset!’ Would At least have acknowledged that it’s not exactly obvious that a child wouldn’t be surprised by this.

I had been quite relaxed about it with your first post but then read on and got a bit annoyed on your behalf!

Molstraat · 13/03/2025 22:03

Yanbu OP.

MN is the worst place for a nasty kicking, sorry you are getting one.
Harsh lesson to keep things close to your chest I guess.
As for the mother in question I wouldn't tell her the time of day going forward.
She is definitely not your friend.
Keep it strictly about the children's friendship.

FallOfTheHouseOfUtterlyButterly · 13/03/2025 22:01

When I was growing up I'm pretty sure all the parties were between about 5 locations:
Wacky Warehouse or similar
Cinema
Church hall
Sleepover/home
The boys would go to the football place

It'd have been hard if places couldn't repeat parties