Page 5 | AIBU - Friend has 'stolen' party idea

Homer28 · 2025-03-12T12:42:47+00:00

Hi, As a family we often go to an adventure centre/party place around 75 mins drive from our home town so not local and never been invited to a party there before. Last year we did a party there at the centres waterpark for my daughters 10th birthday. This same venue, which throws excellent parties and has lots of party options from bowling to waterpark etc and also has an aerial assault course but it has an age/height limit. My daughter has said for a couple of years that when everyone is 10/11+ she will do a party there as its cool/scary. This year in December (party isn't until June) she asked if she could have her party there in June. Her dad was concerned that in theory its a brilliant day out but that people may be afraid of the heights/parents may be hesitant and it could not be as exciting as shes thinks. I text another parent of two of her friends for a second opinion and she thought it was a cool idea (wasn't aware this existed) and her kids would love to go!. Cue this month when she tells me she is booking this for her daughters party in April. I gently suggested that the two girls having the same party might be an issue as its important at 10 to have the 'cool' party and they like to put an individual stamp on it and the parties will only be 8 weeks apart. She disagrees and thinks a party venue is open to all kids who wish to have their parties there. I was pre empting the upset from my 10 year old who laments that shell be chastised by the class for 'copying' the first birthday girl and it takes the shine off her idea which has been brewing for a while. AIBU to be annoyed? YABU - You don't own a party idea! YANBU - Its not cool to hear an idea from a friend and pip them to the post on it.

Notsosure1 · 15/03/2025 06:17

Homer28 · 14/03/2025 17:04

Perhaps she is and if that’s the case it’s okay.

i don’t want to keep friendships based on pretending I’m someone that I’m not. My friend and I do not have values that align it seems anyway.

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Another poster missing the point. Your daughter doesn’t want to be the ONLY person ever having a party at this venue - but she would understandably like to be the first person to introduce it to her social group (unless someone you haven’t mentioned it to does, which is a possibility - altho there’s still a massive difference between someone also happening upon it and someone going out of their way to pre-empt her AFTER BEING INTRODUCED TO IT BY OP!!!!)

Errahstop · 14/03/2025 23:17

If I was having a wedding every year I'd be cool with it 😎

FallOfTheHouseOfUtterlyButterly · 14/03/2025 21:47

CantStopMoving · 14/03/2025 19:11

What about if it were your wedding? Would you feel differently?

say you have gone around a billion venues, found the perfect one. Tell your mate who books the exact venue 2 months before you? Used the same flowers/ colour schemes etc. it is an absolute identical wedding with a lot of guests who are the same for both?

would you honestly not be bothered? would it be a case of you are celebrating with friends and family so it doesn’t matter?

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The venue is the same, and a venue used before anyway, but it doesn't mean things like the cake, the goodie bags, the other things are the same unless I missed that?

Firawla · 14/03/2025 21:31

I just wanna know where the place is now, because it sounds like a good place to take the kids for a day out!

FallOfTheHouseOfUtterlyButterly · 14/03/2025 21:30

KezzaMucklowe · 14/03/2025 17:35

Why on earth would you pray that children don't enjoy a birthday party ?
Because a stranger on the Internet is upset because her friends dd chose the same venue for a party as her dd.

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This isn't the first person wishing a TEN year old a crappy party for daring to use the same venue

PointsSouth · 14/03/2025 20:43

Practically, aspirationally and socially, you haven't really got a case.

Ethically, I don't think you're being unreasonable at all.

Lurkingandlearning · 14/03/2025 20:03

This might be a good thing. You’ll see if DH concerns play out and if so, can save your daughter from a disappointing party

Bitofanchange · 14/03/2025 19:44

Digdongdoo · 14/03/2025 19:28

It's not a wedding though is it? Stupid comparison. It's a kids birthday party. Repetition of venue and guest list is pretty much guaranteed.

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The voice of reason!

Digdongdoo · 14/03/2025 19:28

CantStopMoving · 14/03/2025 19:11

What about if it were your wedding? Would you feel differently?

say you have gone around a billion venues, found the perfect one. Tell your mate who books the exact venue 2 months before you? Used the same flowers/ colour schemes etc. it is an absolute identical wedding with a lot of guests who are the same for both?

would you honestly not be bothered? would it be a case of you are celebrating with friends and family so it doesn’t matter?

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It's not a wedding though is it? Stupid comparison. It's a kids birthday party. Repetition of venue and guest list is pretty much guaranteed.

SouthLondonMum22 · 14/03/2025 19:24

CantStopMoving · 14/03/2025 19:11

What about if it were your wedding? Would you feel differently?

say you have gone around a billion venues, found the perfect one. Tell your mate who books the exact venue 2 months before you? Used the same flowers/ colour schemes etc. it is an absolute identical wedding with a lot of guests who are the same for both?

would you honestly not be bothered? would it be a case of you are celebrating with friends and family so it doesn’t matter?

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Other than the fact I consider weddings to be slightly different because they hopefully only happen once and not every year, not really.

But then I didn't go around a billion venues and get all sentimental about the 'perfect one'. I really wouldn't have cared if a friend had got married in the same place or even had the same flowers/colour schemes, those things weren't important to me and certainly weren't what made me feel special on the day.

Parties also don't have to be identical just because they are at the same place.

OP didn't book anything so at least she and her daughter can pick something else because it bothers them so much.

CantStopMoving · 14/03/2025 19:11

SouthLondonMum22 · 14/03/2025 19:03

So you want them to get the 'top marks' for birthday parties too?

As I said, I think wanting to feel special is fine. I think it's a shame that some people can't feel special without it involving a competition of who is best, especially when it is supposed to be about having fun with friends.

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What about if it were your wedding? Would you feel differently?

say you have gone around a billion venues, found the perfect one. Tell your mate who books the exact venue 2 months before you? Used the same flowers/ colour schemes etc. it is an absolute identical wedding with a lot of guests who are the same for both?

would you honestly not be bothered? would it be a case of you are celebrating with friends and family so it doesn’t matter?

SouthLondonMum22 · 14/03/2025 19:03

CantStopMoving · 14/03/2025 17:50

Agree to disagree but then I’m the sort of mum who wants my children to get the top mark in their school tests and win the races at school and get selected for the school teams. (Doesn’t happen very often but I want them to aim high!) I don’t subscribe the idea that children are never allowed to feel special.

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So you want them to get the 'top marks' for birthday parties too?

As I said, I think wanting to feel special is fine. I think it's a shame that some people can't feel special without it involving a competition of who is best, especially when it is supposed to be about having fun with friends.

Original poster

Homer28 · 14/03/2025 17:51

KezzaMucklowe · 14/03/2025 17:24

I know you haven't called her names or anything like that.
I'm a little confused by your perspective and values as they really don't align to mine hence the questions.
I was just wondering what you would think and how you would feel if your friend saw this.
It's pretty identifying and I'd be worried about fall out socially, not just for me but also my daughter.
If she's annoyed that someone has a party in the same venue as her how would she feel if this made it to the sun or the fail and everyone at school knows ?
We seem like very different people though, so maybe it isn't a problem for you. Or you don't think that would filter down to your child's friendship group.
I hope what ever happens your daughter has a nice party and things get resolved.
You don't come across as being an arsehole however un reasonable I think you are.

Yeah I understand what you are saying.
If we are identified so what though? I certainly don’t think of it as any type of secret so if the other school mums find out what odds? If this thread is a representative sample then the one with something to lose from that is ME as I look bonkers.

I’ve said a few times that I know my friend is just trying to do best by her DD (not that that she is doing it because she is spiteful or trying to teach me a lesson or any of that petty stuff) but that the behaviour just niggled me.

If it comes out and the friendship ends that’s unfortunate but you could say the same about any ‘risk’ in life I guess. 🤷🏻‍♀️

OP posts:

CantStopMoving · 14/03/2025 17:50

SouthLondonMum22 · 14/03/2025 16:32

How isn't it? If feeling special includes wanting to introduce your friends to something they haven't done before then there is absolutely at least aspects of wanting to have the better party.

All parents and children want that super special feeling on a child's birthday, it just doesn't have to include making it a big deal to be the one to do it first.

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Agree to disagree but then I’m the sort of mum who wants my children to get the top mark in their school tests and win the races at school and get selected for the school teams. (Doesn’t happen very often but I want them to aim high!) I don’t subscribe the idea that children are never allowed to feel special.

KezzaMucklowe · 14/03/2025 17:35

travelallthetime · 14/03/2025 17:30

Youre not over reacting and your friend is a dick.
So, for what its worth, we did this type of party, ariel treck type of thing. Literally half of them came off crying as it was too hard/scary. So, I pray for that to happen to your 'friends' party.
Other 'cool' ideas that may not have been done before ten that have been loved by our kids:
Go Karting
Waterpark (although cant remember if this is what you did last year)
Ice Skating
Sledging (depends if you live anywhere near an artificial ski slope

All a bit different and all went down better than the ariel treck!

Be validated, your friend nicked your idea. 10 year old can be witches about copying.

Why on earth would you pray that children don't enjoy a birthday party ?
Because a stranger on the Internet is upset because her friends dd chose the same venue for a party as her dd.

travelallthetime · 14/03/2025 17:30

Youre not over reacting and your friend is a dick.
So, for what its worth, we did this type of party, ariel treck type of thing. Literally half of them came off crying as it was too hard/scary. So, I pray for that to happen to your 'friends' party.
Other 'cool' ideas that may not have been done before ten that have been loved by our kids:
Go Karting
Waterpark (although cant remember if this is what you did last year)
Ice Skating
Sledging (depends if you live anywhere near an artificial ski slope

All a bit different and all went down better than the ariel treck!

Be validated, your friend nicked your idea. 10 year old can be witches about copying.

KezzaMucklowe · 14/03/2025 17:24

I know you haven't called her names or anything like that.
I'm a little confused by your perspective and values as they really don't align to mine hence the questions.
I was just wondering what you would think and how you would feel if your friend saw this.
It's pretty identifying and I'd be worried about fall out socially, not just for me but also my daughter.
If she's annoyed that someone has a party in the same venue as her how would she feel if this made it to the sun or the fail and everyone at school knows ?
We seem like very different people though, so maybe it isn't a problem for you. Or you don't think that would filter down to your child's friendship group.
I hope what ever happens your daughter has a nice party and things get resolved.
You don't come across as being an arsehole however un reasonable I think you are.

Original poster

Homer28 · 14/03/2025 17:11

KezzaMucklowe · 14/03/2025 17:08

Is there a chance that she is on MN and will see this. Along with the other parents of children invited?

Do you really think this is worth falling out over ?

I guess there is somewhat of a chance.

I was annoyed about it. I wouldn’t never speak to her again about it but it does annoy me and I felt it was worth letting her know how I felt.

the thread has been cathartic in a way but again, I don’t see the issue posting it and I haven’t called her any names or anything at any point.

If she sees the thread and wants to cut me off because of it then that’s her choice.

I don’t regret anything that I have done as I don’t think it crosses any lines.

OP posts:

KezzaMucklowe · 14/03/2025 17:08

Is there a chance that she is on MN and will see this. Along with the other parents of children invited?

Do you really think this is worth falling out over ?

Original poster

Homer28 · 14/03/2025 17:04

KezzaMucklowe · 14/03/2025 16:59

Blimey.
This is a good old bun fight isn't it. It reminds me of the threads of days gone by
Op can I just ask your thoughts of super soakers at children's parties? Yea or Nay ?

In this case I think yabu.
For many of the reasons already mentioned.
I've never really understood the ownership of ideas / venues etc and I wouldn't even describe myself as particularly laid back.
If the other girl wants to have a party at the venue, why shouldn't she just because your dd wants to be the only one to have a party there ?
Why does your daughters party trump hers ?
If you're rethinking your friendship with your friend do you think there is a chance she's doing the same?
I get that there's other people who would be annoyed about this and I'm glad that makes you feel less shit about it, it doesn't mean you're being rational. Don't forget this is MN where people are offending by people knocking on their door.

Perhaps she is and if that’s the case it’s okay.

i don’t want to keep friendships based on pretending I’m someone that I’m not. My friend and I do not have values that align it seems anyway.

OP posts:

KezzaMucklowe · 14/03/2025 16:59

Blimey.
This is a good old bun fight isn't it. It reminds me of the threads of days gone by
Op can I just ask your thoughts of super soakers at children's parties? Yea or Nay ?

In this case I think yabu.
For many of the reasons already mentioned.
I've never really understood the ownership of ideas / venues etc and I wouldn't even describe myself as particularly laid back.
If the other girl wants to have a party at the venue, why shouldn't she just because your dd wants to be the only one to have a party there ?
Why does your daughters party trump hers ?
If you're rethinking your friendship with your friend do you think there is a chance she's doing the same?
I get that there's other people who would be annoyed about this and I'm glad that makes you feel less shit about it, it doesn't mean you're being rational. Don't forget this is MN where people are offending by people knocking on their door.

Ontobetterthings · 14/03/2025 16:59

ZookeeperSE · 12/03/2025 12:47

One of the most ridiculous things I’ve ever read on here. And it’s a crowded field.

I was just thinking the same 🤣🤣🤣🤣

Original poster

Homer28 · 14/03/2025 16:57

HereintheloveofChristIstand · 14/03/2025 16:35

believe me, I didn't read all 19 pages. I just did a diagonal read of what it's about and can't believe people are getting their knickers in a twist on a Friday evening over a PARTY??? It is funny though. MN sure makes you grateful you have more going on in your life and don't need to sweat the small stuff haha

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It’s hard to find the positives in this type of thread but it does warm my heart to find out that there are people out there living bigger and better lives that some of the rest of us..

You go girl! 😎

OP posts:

LaurieFairyCake · 14/03/2025 16:48

Yet another thread where twats pile on and are rude to the OP 🤔
OP

HereintheloveofChristIstand · 14/03/2025 16:35

LemonBossy · 14/03/2025 16:33

Um...no one is forcing you to read it are they? What do you care?

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believe me, I didn't read all 19 pages. I just did a diagonal read of what it's about and can't believe people are getting their knickers in a twist on a Friday evening over a PARTY??? It is funny though. MN sure makes you grateful you have more going on in your life and don't need to sweat the small stuff haha