Page 3 | AIBU - Friend has 'stolen' party idea

Homer28 · 2025-03-12T12:42:47+00:00

Hi, As a family we often go to an adventure centre/party place around 75 mins drive from our home town so not local and never been invited to a party there before. Last year we did a party there at the centres waterpark for my daughters 10th birthday. This same venue, which throws excellent parties and has lots of party options from bowling to waterpark etc and also has an aerial assault course but it has an age/height limit. My daughter has said for a couple of years that when everyone is 10/11+ she will do a party there as its cool/scary. This year in December (party isn't until June) she asked if she could have her party there in June. Her dad was concerned that in theory its a brilliant day out but that people may be afraid of the heights/parents may be hesitant and it could not be as exciting as shes thinks. I text another parent of two of her friends for a second opinion and she thought it was a cool idea (wasn't aware this existed) and her kids would love to go!. Cue this month when she tells me she is booking this for her daughters party in April. I gently suggested that the two girls having the same party might be an issue as its important at 10 to have the 'cool' party and they like to put an individual stamp on it and the parties will only be 8 weeks apart. She disagrees and thinks a party venue is open to all kids who wish to have their parties there. I was pre empting the upset from my 10 year old who laments that shell be chastised by the class for 'copying' the first birthday girl and it takes the shine off her idea which has been brewing for a while. AIBU to be annoyed? YABU - You don't own a party idea! YANBU - Its not cool to hear an idea from a friend and pip them to the post on it.

Errahstop · 15/03/2025 10:08

OP, you posted here to see what people think. Those that agree with you are being lauded as keeping you sane. Those that disagree are nasty and twisting facts. The truth is you are over involved in playground politics and should try to gain some perspective. It's a 10 year olds birthday party. In the grand scheme of things, is it really worth all the drama?

AchNo · 15/03/2025 10:04

If someone posted a thread saying 'I know my friend has planned a very specific event for her daughter, she wven asked my opinion on it - but now I want to steal the idea for my daughter, even though it's all the same invitees'

Posters would say don't be so rude and do something different - or risk upsetting the daughter and the friend.

Original poster

Homer28 · 15/03/2025 10:00

Digdongdoo · 15/03/2025 09:54

Lol. I'm the oversensitive one? I'm not the one sulking about a children's birthday party.

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I said I would rather be oversensitive THAN nasty.

Youre not sulking about a childrens party, or motivated by your child’s hurt.
You are motivated to go on and on and on via a chat forum to make someone feel bad because…

hence nasty piece of work.

Were talking about basic reading skills here.

OP posts:

AchNo · 15/03/2025 09:58

Homer28 · 15/03/2025 09:52

I know it’s my fault and I feel awful about disappointing my DD.

I would rather be hyper and oversensitive than the nasty piece of work you are so the thread has helped in that regard.

Thanks 😃

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Quite!

And it's not your fault. It's your husband's! If he hadn't been worried then you wouldn't have reached out to your friend for her thoughts...

😉

Digdongdoo · 15/03/2025 09:54

Homer28 · 15/03/2025 09:52

I know it’s my fault and I feel awful about disappointing my DD.

I would rather be hyper and oversensitive than the nasty piece of work you are so the thread has helped in that regard.

Thanks 😃

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Lol. I'm the oversensitive one? I'm not the one sulking about a children's birthday party.

Original poster

Homer28 · 15/03/2025 09:52

Digdongdoo · 15/03/2025 09:49

If your child had such strong feelings, perhaps you ought to have moved the plans along then? Months passed and you haven't so much as booked. Don't promise your kid things you have made no effort to deliver.

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I know it’s my fault and I feel awful about disappointing my DD.

I would rather be hyper and oversensitive than the nasty piece of work you are so the thread has helped in that regard.

Thanks 😃

OP posts:

Digdongdoo · 15/03/2025 09:49

Homer28 · 15/03/2025 09:12

Sorry none of this is true.
My DD thinks this activity is ‘cool’ and ‘unique’ and wants to introduce it to her friends - she is 10.
I am upset that she is upset.
I am hurt that my friend a) did this and b) didn’t even engage in my concern about it ie didn’t care about me or DD feelings at all even if they are unreasonable.

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If your child had such strong feelings, perhaps you ought to have moved the plans along then? Months passed and you haven't so much as booked. Don't promise your kid things you have made no effort to deliver.

Original poster

Homer28 · 15/03/2025 09:41

Notsosure1 · 15/03/2025 09:32

And this view probably accounts for the majority of the 73% - the rest are probably still in their confused little worlds of not understanding the facts presented by OP and nothing can convince them they’ve got it wrong.

The point to these YABU voters is they have decided to take the view OP is all about cool points, as is her daughter, and this is less forgivable than a friend’s backstabbing. It’s clear this isn’t true but I think some lazy reading has led ppl to the view that OP is pissed off she doesn’t get to be the cool mum with the adventurous/expensive party idea for her DD and someone pissing on her parade is the least she deserves for her audacity.

Others will be sticking to their guns bc there’s safety in numbers. They wouldn’t think to do a party like that so fuck OP for wanting to in the first place.

I’ve posted several times bc I’d be just as upset as OP and the pile on at her reaction is bizarre and mainly down to ppl wanting to punish her for their stupidity or own sad reasons.

I can assure the PP who mentioned the divided groups there is absolutely no ‘snug’ness involved.

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Yes.
Maybe an update should have been posted early days that if my DD had approached me about having a ‘barbie’ party in the house where they play with barbies and did I think her and her friends were too young for it and I asked my friends opinion only for her to have a barbie party in April..

I would have all the same feelings as would DD.

OP posts:

SomethingFun · 15/03/2025 09:36

No one cares. No one. You invite my child to a party, they’re free, they come. No one cares what the activity is or what the food is or what’s in the party bag or how much the cake cost or any of that bullshit. The best parties I’ve put on are the ones I’ve put the least effort into/ spent the least money on as I cared less too. You need to not care about this, life is far too short.

Notsosure1 · 15/03/2025 09:32

RedToothBrush · 15/03/2025 09:06

Because one is about getting adoration from all the other kids for an experience and clearly one up manship and the other is about a dress. It's about performance and keeping up appearances and the parent wanting the feedback not just from her child but others. It's the whole pushing of the 'cool thing'. It's the desire to be the cool parent. It's taking it to the next level beyond just 'things'.

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And this view probably accounts for the majority of the 73% - the rest are probably still in their confused little worlds of not understanding the facts presented by OP and nothing can convince them they’ve got it wrong.

The point to these YABU voters is they have decided to take the view OP is all about cool points, as is her daughter, and this is less forgivable than a friend’s backstabbing. It’s clear this isn’t true but I think some lazy reading has led ppl to the view that OP is pissed off she doesn’t get to be the cool mum with the adventurous/expensive party idea for her DD and someone pissing on her parade is the least she deserves for her audacity.

Others will be sticking to their guns bc there’s safety in numbers. They wouldn’t think to do a party like that so fuck OP for wanting to in the first place.

I’ve posted several times bc I’d be just as upset as OP and the pile on at her reaction is bizarre and mainly down to ppl wanting to punish her for their stupidity or own sad reasons.

I can assure the PP who mentioned the divided groups there is absolutely no ‘snug’ness involved.

LizzieW1969 · 15/03/2025 09:30

This wouldn’t bother me. When my DDs were at primary school, all the birthday parties were held at a few soft play centres, or at the parish hall. They all enjoyed the parties and didn’t mind about other children having the same party as them.

If your DD is disappointed, that’s a shame, but it doesn’t mean that she should be encouraged to feel that way. Because if she makes a fuss about it in school, she will end up looking silly rather than ‘cool’.

Realistically, with her birthday being in June, it was always going to be unlikely that she would be the first to have this ‘cool party’, with the centre having been booked for a party last year and the girls enjoying themselves there.

Maybe the friend was a bit underhand, and YANBU to be a bit upset, but she might have thought of the place anyway, as she already knew about it from the previous year.

HomeTheatreSystem · 15/03/2025 09:21

I'm sure if you issued party invitations to the same venue but 2 weeks before your friend's chosen date, she would feel very put out. Which just goes to show that you do indeed have a point. After all, if this was a more typical party venue for this age group no one would bat an eyelid.

Duh · 15/03/2025 09:13

RedToothBrush · 15/03/2025 09:06

Because one is about getting adoration from all the other kids for an experience and clearly one up manship and the other is about a dress. It's about performance and keeping up appearances and the parent wanting the feedback not just from her child but others. It's the whole pushing of the 'cool thing'. It's the desire to be the cool parent. It's taking it to the next level beyond just 'things'.

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I am not sure I agree. I think OPs concern is that her daughter wanted a specific party and now if she has that party she will be accused of copying when actually it is the other mum who has copied and behaved badly.

I think it is that her daughter is now in a position where she either doesn’t have the party she wants or if she does she will be accused of copying. That doesn’t seem very fair to me.

Original poster

Homer28 · 15/03/2025 09:12

RedToothBrush · 15/03/2025 09:06

Because one is about getting adoration from all the other kids for an experience and clearly one up manship and the other is about a dress. It's about performance and keeping up appearances and the parent wanting the feedback not just from her child but others. It's the whole pushing of the 'cool thing'. It's the desire to be the cool parent. It's taking it to the next level beyond just 'things'.

Show quote history

Sorry none of this is true.
My DD thinks this activity is ‘cool’ and ‘unique’ and wants to introduce it to her friends - she is 10.
I am upset that she is upset.
I am hurt that my friend a) did this and b) didn’t even engage in my concern about it ie didn’t care about me or DD feelings at all even if they are unreasonable.

OP posts:

RedToothBrush · 15/03/2025 09:06

Duh · 15/03/2025 09:02

This thread is weird.

If OP sent a friend a link to, say, a nice dress she was thinking of buying and asking if friend thought it would suit the OP and the friend came back saying “thanks for showing me this, I love it and just bought it for myself” we’d all be saying that the friend is BU and a total twat.

I don’t understand why this is different???

YANBU

Because one is about getting adoration from all the other kids for an experience and clearly one up manship and the other is about a dress. It's about performance and keeping up appearances and the parent wanting the feedback not just from her child but others. It's the whole pushing of the 'cool thing'. It's the desire to be the cool parent. It's taking it to the next level beyond just 'things'.

Duh · 15/03/2025 09:02

This thread is weird.

If OP sent a friend a link to, say, a nice dress she was thinking of buying and asking if friend thought it would suit the OP and the friend came back saying “thanks for showing me this, I love it and just bought it for myself” we’d all be saying that the friend is BU and a total twat.

I don’t understand why this is different???

YANBU

BlondiePortz · 15/03/2025 08:48

10 yo want a cool party? Since when?

BlondiePortz · 15/03/2025 08:48

10 yo want a cool party? Since when?

Original poster

Homer28 · 15/03/2025 08:44

FallOfTheHouseOfUtterlyButterly · 15/03/2025 08:41

Ah and now OP is firmly in MN territory:
"People aren't agreeing so I'll make a big point of leaving the thread"
"Actually no I won't, I'll come and bask in being told I'm right by a small number of posters and make a little club with them of snug rightness. We won't listen to anyone else."

It's not missing the point to say the venue isn't super secret and anyone could use it because YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN THERE.

It is missing the point as WHAT ODDS THAT THE VENUE ISNT SUPER SECRET??

No one has said it’s secret and no one cares if it is secret.

Im sorry but I think you are coming across really badly.

(I am aware I have already come across really badly to 73% of posters)

OP posts:

FallOfTheHouseOfUtterlyButterly · 15/03/2025 08:41

Ah and now OP is firmly in MN territory:
"People aren't agreeing so I'll make a big point of leaving the thread"
"Actually no I won't, I'll come and bask in being told I'm right by a small number of posters and make a little club with them of snug rightness. We won't listen to anyone else."

It's not missing the point to say the venue isn't super secret and anyone could use it because YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN THERE.

FallOfTheHouseOfUtterlyButterly · 15/03/2025 08:37

CantStopMoving · 15/03/2025 08:00

They are going to be very similar. The point I was making is the experience is going to be almost identical.

would it honestly not bother you at all to have an almost identical wedding to yours booked 2 months before yours at the same venue?

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*a venue I hadn't even booked yet

If I was so attached to the venue then no, it wouldn't bother me. Because it's the venue I want to use

And other things can be different. A venue and a wedding would be the only similarity.

But then I'm not a precious "must one up everyone else" type

Original poster

Homer28 · 15/03/2025 08:15

CantStopMoving · 15/03/2025 08:00

They are going to be very similar. The point I was making is the experience is going to be almost identical.

would it honestly not bother you at all to have an almost identical wedding to yours booked 2 months before yours at the same venue?

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Love all you posters that are ‘ride or die’ with me on this and can’t understand how others can’t understand the issue BUT I’ve learned through the course of the thread that there are posters who will firmly not change their stance so I wouldn’t try and persuade them:
UtterlyButterly
the username that reminder me of the game DingDongDitch
SouthLondon
Nightshift worker who’s username begins with K lol

OP posts:

Sometimeswinning · 15/03/2025 08:08

Looking at the votes I don’t think it reflects normal life at all. Your post has just attracted all the non confrontational type people who don’t find issue with anything or are too worried about judgement from others if they do stand up for themselves (unless they are sat behind a screen in an echo chamber!)

I’d be annoyed. I would have said something and then moved on. But secretly I would hold a grudge against this person forever!

CantStopMoving · 15/03/2025 08:00

FallOfTheHouseOfUtterlyButterly · 14/03/2025 21:47

The venue is the same, and a venue used before anyway, but it doesn't mean things like the cake, the goodie bags, the other things are the same unless I missed that?

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They are going to be very similar. The point I was making is the experience is going to be almost identical.

would it honestly not bother you at all to have an almost identical wedding to yours booked 2 months before yours at the same venue?

Boysnme · 15/03/2025 07:55

Homer28 · 15/03/2025 07:53

Too far unfortunately, we love Crieff Hydro though! Their tree zip line thing is even better! 😊

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Damn! Never mind! Crieff Hydro is great!