AIBU - Friend has 'stolen' party idea

You are not unreasonable at all, I'm a bit gobsmacked at the answers tbh. She knew you were doing this, it's so tacky of her

Eh, you are not unreasonable to be annoyed. Copying is frustrating. But if you have a really cool one off idea that no one else knows about - then go around talking about it months in advance… other people are likely to want a bit of that really cool thing.

DD I’m sure can still go to this party, and be all show-offy that she’s been there lots of times before and already knows the ropes so very well. Then she can have her own party there when it’s time. If it’s so great, kids will love the chance to go back and will likely be less “scared” or whatever because they also not know the lay of the land.

Only if you place importance and value on them?

Neither of my older two had "cool" or "unique" parties for their 10th birthdays and guess what they didn't care!!

“It’s important to have the “cool” party”. Oh dear.

Luckily your dd is only ten so there is still plenty of time for you to work on her sense of worth not being dependent on other people thinking she is “cool”.

You really need to be pushing quality values like resilience, perseverance, kindness, tolerance, generosity of heart, patience etc. Leave being the cool alpha kid to those whose parents confuse shallow superficial appearance with real achievement.

I would be concerned that you’re overly invested in being first and cool and all sorts of superficial shite and that will influence your Dd.

None of that matters as you know, you know that it doesn’t matter who is first and if your DDs response is to be that was my idea and feel miffed. Let her feel miffed but also remind her to be grateful that there will be 2 brilliant big parties coming up. There is room for everyone to have a good party.

Be gracious. And be less chatty about plans in the future!

Correction - I see that the chain of events was the other way round. Fair enough! Send the invites out early!

I think there’s wrong on both sides here - OP gave the impression that her DD’s party should be the ‘cool’ one - implicitly suggesting that it will be better than anyone else’s. Other mum stole the idea.

OP, if this is going to upset your DD, tell her to let her mates know about it, even if you don’t send out invites yet. 4 months in advance is a bit early!

Bit odd to copy the idea but yabu to book a venue 75 minutes away, that's ridiculous unless you are providing transportation

Same. So many forget what it’s like to be 10 years old - these things are hugely important to our children.

I see you ferry kids there and back and I want to lodge my interest in becoming your friend!

You can make it so different anyway. Use hers as research to see what bits were most enjoyed, which bits weren’t. Could you do some of it in teams with prizes? Could you choose food that works better? Can you do a really cool picnic at the end?

This is a minor annoyance and a good life lesson. It’s like when I mention an idea to my manager and he takes to the leadership team as his own, except it isn’t really as no-one owns a venue or party idea. If you can’t get over how irked you are feeling and have the funds, do something like give everyone a t shirt to take home with X’s 10th birthday climbing adventure printed on.

Just serve up tequila shots and hand out vapes in the party bags at yours to make it “cooler”.

I have a 10 year old dd and I honestly think her or any of her friends would just be pleased they get to twice to a cool party.

Yes - it sounds like OP was telling the friend that her DC’s party will be the ‘cool one’ - better than anyone else’s. I can see why she decided to teach OP a lesson. Ours went to several very similar ones and enjoyed them all.

And I agree with the other comments that DC should not take expensive parties for granted. I thought one of mine was heading that way and he had a firm talking to.

If this had ever happened to any of my daughters (all 4 of them) when they were younger, they would have been devastated ..I agree about how she could be accused of copying too cos kids don't let things like this drop easy so it would be so hard for her at school ..YNBU!

This is mighty annoying. It reminds me of when I was about 14 and a news crew were interviewing me and a friend at a local event. Before they came to us, I told my friend everything I was going to say. She got asked first and said it all. Then they came to me and I just say "yeah, it's really good.........." It's making me laugh now at the memory.

Nothing really you can do. Either repeat the party or choose something else. I would honestly think you can have a fantastic time either way. I love kids parties! We went to many, many parties at duplicate locations and the kids all love it regardless of if they did same a week before.

Me too!
I'd be playing it down to my daughter, I wouldn't want her to give any headspace to " cool" or " uncool" parties.
But I would definitely be peeved about the mum sliding in there first.😂

My daughter is 10 and this wouldn't bother her at all. She and two of her friends had their parties at the same trampoline park because they enjoyed it so much - hers was the middle party of the three. Another two both did pottery painting. I've never heard anyone mention being upset about copying, they were just excited to go to the same place again because they knew it would be fun.

YABU. We have a big laser tag place here and I swear every second birthay is held there, no problems whatsoever, nobody thinks second party was less cool than the first. I would think a parent was quite odd if they suggested I can't have my DC's party there in the spring because theirs want to go there in the summer.

Grow up

YABU. I would be marginally annoyed but also recognise it was my own daft fault for mentioning it. Also there is always a risk that someone has the same idea as you anyway even if you haven’t mentioned it. I certainly wouldn’t expect the other mum to choose a different party idea.

Also YABU if you are expecting parents to drive 75 minutes to drop off, I hope you will be providing transport.

My dc went to 4 climbing parties one year - loved each one and never did it occur to me anyone copied anyone, parents just chose an activity their dc would love. I think you need to lighten up.