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AIBU?

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Original poster

AIBU - Friend has 'stolen' party idea

592 replies

Homer28 · 12/03/2025 12:42

Hi,
As a family we often go to an adventure centre/party place around 75 mins drive from our home town so not local and never been invited to a party there before. Last year we did a party there at the centres waterpark for my daughters 10th birthday.

This same venue, which throws excellent parties and has lots of party options from bowling to waterpark etc and also has an aerial assault course but it has an age/height limit. My daughter has said for a couple of years that when everyone is 10/11+ she will do a party there as its cool/scary.

This year in December (party isn't until June) she asked if she could have her party there in June. Her dad was concerned that in theory its a brilliant day out but that people may be afraid of the heights/parents may be hesitant and it could not be as exciting as shes thinks.
I text another parent of two of her friends for a second opinion and she thought it was a cool idea (wasn't aware this existed) and her kids would love to go!.

Cue this month when she tells me she is booking this for her daughters party in April. I gently suggested that the two girls having the same party might be an issue as its important at 10 to have the 'cool' party and they like to put an individual stamp on it and the parties will only be 8 weeks apart. She disagrees and thinks a party venue is open to all kids who wish to have their parties there.

I was pre empting the upset from my 10 year old who laments that shell be chastised by the class for 'copying' the first birthday girl and it takes the shine off her idea which has been brewing for a while.

AIBU to be annoyed?

YABU - You don't own a party idea!
YANBU - Its not cool to hear an idea from a friend and pip them to the post on it.

OP posts:
DataBeach · 12/03/2025 14:01

I can’t believe OP ‘gently suggested’ an alternative to the other mum. It’s just so desperate and weird behaviour.

As an aside, I hate the new fad at work to email ‘gentle reminders’ about stuff 🤢

BellesAndGraces · 12/03/2025 14:01

CSectionUncertainty · 12/03/2025 13:56

I’m surprised at the early responses. Something similar happened to me for my 9th birthday and I was really upset about it! Kids look forward to their birthday for months and when someone else “steals” your idea it can really take the wind out of your sails.

But yes OP, it was silly of you to mention it to other mums, although I guess you didn’t think she’d be a sneaky b1tch about it! Just get DD to start talking about her party now and then when other girl’s invites go out she can say, “oh, you’ve copied my idea! How weird of you!”

Sadly the early responses tend to set the tone for a thread, whether they are ridiculous or not.

poiloop · 12/03/2025 14:01

Entitled behaviour, the other mum must think you're nuts.

dottydodah · 12/03/2025 14:00

I would be a bit put out as well TBH. However she will enjoy both parties Im sure.Sadly next time you have an idea to keep your powder dry! learn from it say "Oh Well" and tell DD "Katys mum liked our idea so much ,they are doing it now as well! "So you can see what its like .I expect if its a popular venue they will have heard of it and may well have kept it in mind .

MichaelandKirk · 12/03/2025 14:00

I got married many years ago and it was at the time that 'new venues' were being registered for weddings as opposed to just being allowed in churches.

I did mention to a relative where I was considering to find that a few days later she was telling everyone that she was going to get married there too! She was engaged (broke off the engagement in the end). I know that copying someone is sometimes seen as a sincere form of flattery but even then...

So, I would be annoyed too and doing it before you is even worse as it then looks like they had the idea in the first place and you just copied it

Digdongdoo · 12/03/2025 14:00

Homer28 · 12/03/2025 13:41

To answer a few questions.

  1. We provided transport last year, would have this year and yes the other family are providing transport too.
  2. Due to it being over an hour away, It is not usually used for parties and I don't even think any parents knew of this venue before last years party as it isn't in our locality and we have lots of bowling, soft play places nearby.
  3. The April birthday child didn't know anything about this activity that we didn't do last year as she doesn't frequent this venue like we do as a family. She loved the idea after her mum talked to her about it after my query in December and then recently followed up with questions to my child on the party before deciding thats what she wanted to do.

Why are you so convinced nobody else was aware of or would have thought of this party? Surely it's not secret? You threw a party there last year, someone else would "discover" this other activity sooner or later, except most people aren't mad enough to host a primary school party an hour away - that's why nobody else had done it before.

BellesAndGraces · 12/03/2025 14:00

You’re not being unreasonable at all and I would be fuming. How unkind of the other mum and I do feel for your DD. I would look to make up for it by still booking DD her party there and then doing something else as well if you can stretch to it. If your DD gets accused of “copying” she can say she has been going to this place since she was X years old and always planned to have a party there.

MayaPinion · 12/03/2025 13:59

Literally nobody will care. You’re completely overthinking this. The best party we ever had was handing out 30 foam swords at the local community centre and letting them fight each other until it was time for the birthday tea. I have to admit a 3 hour round trip to an event plus the 2-3 hours spent there would put me right off accepting an invitation. Isn’t there a local Go Ape or something like that?

SallyWD · 12/03/2025 13:59

PeachesPeachesPeachesPeachesPeaches · 12/03/2025 13:01

Same. So many forget what it’s like to be 10 years old - these things are hugely important to our children.

Show quote history

No I disagree. I actually do remember being ten and this sort of thing never entered my head. I also have two children who were ten just a couple of years ago. They never once expressed any desire to be the first to use a certain party venue - or to have a cooler party than their friends.
I actually think this kind of thing is something adults think about more than kids. Kids just get excited to go to a party and see friends.

CSectionUncertainty · 12/03/2025 13:56

I’m surprised at the early responses. Something similar happened to me for my 9th birthday and I was really upset about it! Kids look forward to their birthday for months and when someone else “steals” your idea it can really take the wind out of your sails.

But yes OP, it was silly of you to mention it to other mums, although I guess you didn’t think she’d be a sneaky b1tch about it! Just get DD to start talking about her party now and then when other girl’s invites go out she can say, “oh, you’ve copied my idea! How weird of you!”

Cerealkiller9000 · 12/03/2025 13:56

SoAbsolutelyLonely · 12/03/2025 12:46

Book your daughters earlier then ?

This!

DataBeach · 12/03/2025 13:55

Peaceandquietandacuppa · 12/03/2025 13:27

The other parent is a fucking psychopath 🤣 I can’t believe the responses, it’s a pretty specific plan! I’d scrap the idea and plan something even better.

Lesson learned - don’t trust other parents with party ideas, it seems from the responses on this thread that it is “dog eat dog” out there! I’m so baffled, I would not dream of doing that.

Psychopath?!!!

Moveoverdarlin · 12/03/2025 13:55

Yeah it’s a shitty thing to do. Of course you can’t kick off or cause any upset but it is underhand of the other mother. Of course no one owns a party venue but it’s like falling in love with a dress, sending it to a friend, and the friend buying it for the same event.

Newfoundzestforlife · 12/03/2025 13:54

So petty. YABU.

TrainGame · 12/03/2025 13:52

minipie · 12/03/2025 12:54

YABU. I would be marginally annoyed but also recognise it was my own daft fault for mentioning it. Also there is always a risk that someone has the same idea as you anyway even if you haven’t mentioned it. I certainly wouldn’t expect the other mum to choose a different party idea.

Also YABU if you are expecting parents to drive 75 minutes to drop off, I hope you will be providing transport.

More than anything this!! I would not drive 75 mins for a party for myself, let alone my DD. Do you not all have lives to live?!

DataBeach · 12/03/2025 13:51

Engineweld · 12/03/2025 12:57

If this had ever happened to any of my daughters (all 4 of them) when they were younger, they would have been devastated ..I agree about how she could be accused of copying too cos kids don't let things like this drop easy so it would be so hard for her at school ..YNBU!

Wow. My kids could not have cared less about this petty stuff. Neither would their peers.

Jellycatspyjamas · 12/03/2025 13:51

Birthday parties are like weddings, pretty formulaic unless you’re really prepared to push the boat out - and even then you’re limited by the logistics of the venue. The parties my kids remember (now they’re 12 and 13) are the ones where they spent time with their very best friends - the venue etc was all secondary to having fun. I doubt they could tell you what was in a party bag two weeks later, or what the food was. It’s placing adult value on things that really don’t matter in the scheme of things.

I’d go to the first girls party, note anything that made the day less smooth and try to change that and then let my DD have the party she chooses. One up manship at age 10 is pointless.

SouthLondonMum22 · 12/03/2025 13:50

Peaceandquietandacuppa · 12/03/2025 13:32

Nah it seems there are just a lot of people on Mumsnet who fall into one of two camps

a) don’t agree with spending a lot of money on
parties

b) would not care about trampling all over another kids party, that they only found out about from the other parent… because nobody “owns a party idea” - aka selfish twats

Edited to add - I get that parties often tend to be at the same venue, such as the local soft play / laser tag etc. but this is so specific and far away that I can see why it will seem a bit weird and the second birthday girl will feel like it’s copying.

Edited
Show quote history

Or

c) discourage their child to think it's a competition and believe they need to outdo their friends and acknowledge the fact that aerial assault courses isn't exactly a unique idea. Go Ape etc is everywhere right now for that age group.

DataBeach · 12/03/2025 13:50

Are the ‘fuming’ brigade the ones that will bring up a future generation of bridezillas who don’t allow pregnancy announcements or engagements during the two year window of their wedding?

MissDoubleU · 12/03/2025 13:48

But here’s the thing - your daughter has already had a birthday party there before. So it’s not like she’s missing out on being the “first” to have one there. Are you saying that your daughter should be the only one to have parties there…. Ever? Or that she should get to have a party at each separate activity before another child can “copy” you? Surely your daughter says “yes, we had my birthday here last year and we are doing it again next year. It’s our favourite family day out, I’m so glad my friend is having one here.”

Or if there are many activities available have your daughter pick a different one for her party?

Whatabouterry · 12/03/2025 13:47

I can see why you’re annoyed but I’d try and look at it as a positive. If the kids all hate it then you can choose something different. If they love it then you can get to give them another opportunity to go!

NiftyKoala · 12/03/2025 13:44

Maybe it's a good thing. Like a try out.Your daughter might go to the party not like it and then you can plan something else.

Fountofwisdom · 12/03/2025 13:44

I think you’re being treated a bit harshly here, OP! Of course no one owns a party theme but the fact that you mentioned your plan to this other Mum (who didn’t previously know about it), and now she has nabbed the idea for her own child’s party, is a bit cheeky.

Having said that, what if you’d never mentioned it to anyone and this other family just happened to have come up with the same idea for their party 8 weeks before your DD’s? She’d probably still feel a bit miffed and I do get that 10 year olds are petty enough to possibly accuse someone of ‘copying’ someone else’s idea.

i suggest you frame it to your DD that she’s going to get to go for Alice’s birthday so now she can choose another option for hers and try to get her really excited about other things she might enjoy.

Jessieshome · 12/03/2025 13:43

Wow. The stuff you read on here.

Isn't imitation the highest form of flattery?

Bitofanchange · 12/03/2025 13:43

Use122562 · 12/03/2025 13:38

If you really want to be petty, it's actually quite easy to throw the better birthday considering both are at the same location. Kids will invariably be comparing the two and you can throw in a few extras so they always remember yours as being "better".

  • Pay for better food and drink. If they have a restaurant or something, get them to do a platter of food that's better than the other party. Buy loads of drinks and have them on the table so kids can help themselves to anything they want. Get mini champagne flutes and extra decorations for the table.
  • Go wild on goodie bags. 10 year olds are probably too old for the typical party bag with sweets inside but plan it more like a goodie bag for a nice event. Get those gift bags that stand up on their own and a bunch of fun yet sophisticated gifts that girls would love. Mini tester sizes or perfumes from adult beauty brands. DIY jewellery/bracelet kits, pens, stationery etc.
  • Get someone to snap loads of photos or videos on the day. Doesn't have to be a pro but just someone who captures the funniest action shots. Upload it to an album afterwards so the girls can replay the best moments.

Give over!

How petty.

And expensive!