AIBU - Friend has 'stolen' party idea

I can understand why you are miffed, @Homer28 - the other mum and child have copied your idea, but because their party is first, the other kids may think it is you and your dd who have copied. It seems a bit thoughtless of the other mum.

“the two girls having the same party might be an issue as its important at 10 to have the 'cool' party and they like to put an individual stamp on it” yabvu about this part 🙄 - how about teaching your kids that cool is about being yourself and being a good person rather than having the latest exciting or new thing, event or idea.

It is annoying when people steal your ideas (which clearly she did as was unaware of it before) so understand the irritation there but really, no one owns the idea of a party at a certain venue so keep it under wraps the next time you have a “cool” idea for scoring popularity points for your daughter.

I'm surprised by the responses here! I have a 10 year old and she'd be sad if her idea was stolen (not if someone else genuinely thought of the same idea).

In your shoes I'd advance her birthday party to be first and send invites right away before the other mum (idea thief) can do anything about it.

Have the party there and invite entirely different people. Sorted.

Exactly - for a lot of children, their birthday is the only time they feel the centre of attention, particularly if shy and quieter. I remember I barely got picked for things at school and I never won anything so birthday parties were that moment of feeling a bit special in front of your friends. So I totally get that having a party a bit different would be important to some children and why some other children wouldn’t care. I can also understand for the OP’s child why they might get upset as their friends might say they are ‘copying’. It is easy as adults to think how unimportant it is but for children this sort of thing can be important .

If all the invites have already gone out (so you can't get yours out first) I'd just book something else now, closer to home so you can have a sleepover as well. I imagine being 10 and being invited to a birthday group sleepover would be extremely cool.

Stealing someone else's idea (she found out directly from you after all) and doing it first is bad form in my book.

I don't think this is unreasonable at all- they've been underhand and think they would know that too. We all want to do nice things for our kids and they've seriously impacted something you wanted to do for yours.

Love all the 'helpful' suggestions here too- book yours earlier? It's for a birthday!

This is satire. Right? Right?!

FGS. Yes, you can be a little miffed, but come on. Let the other girl have her party there. If everyone enjoys it, they'll welcome the opportunity to go again. If the ten year olds are so competitive and geared up to wanting to be the first to do something that doing it second isn't acceptable, then they're not the ten year old friends you really need.

Yes. And depending on how far in advance you have to book, it might turn out that a lot of them didn’t enjoy it or your daughter would prefer to pick a different activity. It might help your daughter to see the first party as a ‘trial run’.

Having said that, I don’t think this is an issue overall. I seem to remember as a kid lots of people having very similar parties to each other - fancy dress parties at home; ten pin bowling; parties at Wacky Warehouse. I don’t remember it mattering. If something is great, most kids will be happy to do it twice.

What I do remember from that age though is that the accusation of ‘copying’, whether clothing, music tastes or whatever was (hilariously) a form of social death. Oh the irony, given that most children that age all follow the same trends! I suppose it invokes such strong feelings because they are carving out an identity at ten. Not sure that can be solved though and probably best to advise your daughter to look at the positives, as others have said.

If it is a lot of fun the girls will surely love going twice.

Yes to this.

YABU, and you are also verging on being 'that mother'.

Don't let your child turn into the kind of girl who thinks everything she does or wears or listens to is part of a competition with others.

Quite.

I kind of get why you’re a bit miffed but certainly wouldn’t give them the satisfaction of knowing that.

I’d frame it to your DD that they obviously thought it was such a great idea, they wanted it for their party as well, Then I’d leave it to your DD to decide whether she would still want to go for hers as well.

If you are prepared to travel that far, there must be somewhere else completely different that you could go that would be just as unusual and fun. I’d get googling and see what else your DD and friends might enjoy.

So: great that your dd can go to the copycat’s party and experience all that with the hosts paying.

I do think that taking the idea when you’d asked opinions is actually a bit skanky. Just a bit. I wouldn’t be upset about it, I’d move on and keep a mental note that the woman in question isn’t worried about upsetting people and clearly prioritises no1.

There are very few original ideas and this is not one of them, but if it's a good idea, it does not need to be original. Birthday and other parties presumably make up quite a large percentage of this venue's business.

Teeny bit of sympathy for the OP's situation (but not for her attitude!) because it's sort of a shame - but honestly this is being massively overthought! If it's that cool a venue, the April party will be so much fun, all the kids who go will be desperate to go again and lucky them, they get to do that just 8 weeks later! Yay! Win win! They will also have tried out the things on offer and worked out what they really want to concentrate on this time. Look at the first party as a 'warm up'.

A fucking psychopath you say ….. 🤔

You've been a good sport on this post OP, often people are not.

Hopefully your daughter isn't disappointed. If she likes going there then I'm sure she'll enjoy her friends party too.

This.
A 10 year old should be happy with having a party and celebrating with their friends.
I think you should help your daughter to understand what is really important about celebrations.
Also, what is cool for her, it might not be cool for others plus it shouldn't be a competition of who is having the best party.

YABU - we had a party at a local venue a few weeks later another parent text to say her kid enjoyed it so much they had booked for their party. My son was happy they got to go twice you are seriously overthinking this

I think both can go twice, but I would have factored in the risk of someone else booking it first before asking for opinions. You have to consider that everyone is hunting for ideas.

Suggest to DD that she think about some other options. If this is climbing and it's out, then what about a different bouldering site, or potholing, caving, kayaking, paddle boarding, a weekend camping trip with hiking etc etc. There are so many fun things that age can get up to!

Come off it! You can't possibly be serious OP.