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AIBU?

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Original poster

AIBU - Friend has 'stolen' party idea

592 replies

Homer28 · 12/03/2025 12:42

Hi,
As a family we often go to an adventure centre/party place around 75 mins drive from our home town so not local and never been invited to a party there before. Last year we did a party there at the centres waterpark for my daughters 10th birthday.

This same venue, which throws excellent parties and has lots of party options from bowling to waterpark etc and also has an aerial assault course but it has an age/height limit. My daughter has said for a couple of years that when everyone is 10/11+ she will do a party there as its cool/scary.

This year in December (party isn't until June) she asked if she could have her party there in June. Her dad was concerned that in theory its a brilliant day out but that people may be afraid of the heights/parents may be hesitant and it could not be as exciting as shes thinks.
I text another parent of two of her friends for a second opinion and she thought it was a cool idea (wasn't aware this existed) and her kids would love to go!.

Cue this month when she tells me she is booking this for her daughters party in April. I gently suggested that the two girls having the same party might be an issue as its important at 10 to have the 'cool' party and they like to put an individual stamp on it and the parties will only be 8 weeks apart. She disagrees and thinks a party venue is open to all kids who wish to have their parties there.

I was pre empting the upset from my 10 year old who laments that shell be chastised by the class for 'copying' the first birthday girl and it takes the shine off her idea which has been brewing for a while.

AIBU to be annoyed?

YABU - You don't own a party idea!
YANBU - Its not cool to hear an idea from a friend and pip them to the post on it.

OP posts:
Iwannakeepondancing · 12/03/2025 15:42

I actually agree with you OP! I’d be a bit put out only because it’s before your daughters and she might be upset but I think in hindsight the kids won’t care! They’ll have fun and want to go again and if they don’t, you know not to book for her birthday! Treat this as a test run!

Alwayswonderedwhy · 12/03/2025 15:41

If course yabu and extremely precious. Don't bring your child up to thik things like this are a big deal. You can't seriously think that no one else you know can use the same party venue.

CantStopMoving · 12/03/2025 15:39

gingertodgers · 12/03/2025 15:35

To be clear op I don't think you're unreasonable to be annoyed.

But I do think your attitude about the coolest party thing is unreasonable. And I also wouldn't have dreamt of texting the other mum about it. I'd have seethed to my dh but I would have accepted that sometimes people do things that are certainly annoying but not necessarily wrong.

What is wrong with wanting the coolest party? My kids never wanted parties (thankfully) but when my eldest turned 16 she wanted to do something ‘super cool’ with a bunch of mates that no one else had done. So she did and they had a great time. I don’t think there was anything wrong with that. She will no doubt now not have another party until she’s 30!

Original poster
Homer28 · 12/03/2025 15:36

Easipeelerie · 12/03/2025 15:32

I’m with OP. I don’t think it’s about whether the OP wants a cool experience. She’s just thinking of her child.
Children do pick on people they perceive to have copied. They will definitely tell OP’s daughter that she copied the other girl and it will feel uncomfortable and unfair.
That said, there’s no mileage in speaking to the other mum. It’s a life lesson. Show your daughter you understand how not being go the first to go might feel and ask her if she still wants to do it.

Yes, I guess im advocating for my child.

I think there is also a sense that the other mum brought up that he child was going to book this party while we were having afternoon tea together (so we are very friendly) and when i suggested we would maybe need to discuss this further she shut it down as 'oh it was just an idea' and then the invite arrives a few weeks later.
Maybe i'm a bit hurt as its not how I expected a friend to behave but I do think on this occasion i am being a bit of a princess so i will have to let it drop. 😅

OP posts:
gingertodgers · 12/03/2025 15:35

To be clear op I don't think you're unreasonable to be annoyed.

But I do think your attitude about the coolest party thing is unreasonable. And I also wouldn't have dreamt of texting the other mum about it. I'd have seethed to my dh but I would have accepted that sometimes people do things that are certainly annoying but not necessarily wrong.

RedHelenB · 12/03/2025 15:33

It happened all the time with my dc, one did trampolining and thrn the rest of the class followed.No big deal and I couldn't remember who first thought of it.

Easipeelerie · 12/03/2025 15:32

I’m with OP. I don’t think it’s about whether the OP wants a cool experience. She’s just thinking of her child.
Children do pick on people they perceive to have copied. They will definitely tell OP’s daughter that she copied the other girl and it will feel uncomfortable and unfair.
That said, there’s no mileage in speaking to the other mum. It’s a life lesson. Show your daughter you understand how not being go the first to go might feel and ask her if she still wants to do it.

Maray1967 · 12/03/2025 15:31

NotSayingImBatman · 12/03/2025 14:10

Decided to teach OP a lesson by doing something that would upset a 10 year old child? I mean, it's not so bad if the other mum just thought it sounded fun, but to suggest that she did it to deliberately hurt others - do people think like that? Do you think like that? How horribly unkind.

Show quote history

She took the party idea - how many of us would do that? But I realised I got the chronology wrong - she had actually done it before OP said she thought her DD’s party should be the ‘cool one’. I think there’s been thoughtlessness on both sides here.

Cordorr · 12/03/2025 15:29

I think this is peak Mumsnet. FGS.

tallhotpinkflamingo · 12/03/2025 15:27

Small businesses desperately need the money at the moment so please don't gatekeep things. An extra party could be the difference they need to keep the lights on.

latetothefisting · 12/03/2025 15:22

I'm surprised at the responses too, i think it's very rude of the other mum. Completely different scenario to if it was a venue you were both aware of and she just booked it first, but you contacted her specifically to ask if it would be a good party for YOUR dd.

Also - who will be paying for the parties? most kids won't want to do the same aerial adventure again less than 2 months after they've done it, and even more if the parents are expected to pay i wouldn't pay twice. Because its so far away its also essentially writing off most of a day -if parents want to do something as a family on the weekend they might make an exception if its something their kid really wants to do but not for something they've done recently.

Busybeemumm · 12/03/2025 15:22

You know I actually think YANBU. You made it clear you were thinking of this venue and decided to go for it herself despite not hearing about this before. I would be peeved. It's happened now so you know not to share ideas in the future!

Original poster
Homer28 · 12/03/2025 15:21

Not sure if the joint party would be an option for two reasons

  1. my daughters birthday is in July so it might just be too far out
  2. the invites for party 1 have already gone out so it could be too late to approach the other parent. It was something that could be been discussed if she had engaged with my first text about the whole drama.

It did irritate me massively and my daughter was upset and i really wanted to gage opinions to know how to handle it best. I think i was confused about what the life lesson should be - Be more secretive? Don't be annoyed about this sort of thing even though i understand it to be annoying myself? Talk to your friend (in this case my friend) about your feelings in case they don't realise/ignore the scenario complete.

Its great getting a wide variation of opinions from those who agree (tiny bit of validation) and those who disagree (have encouraged me to drop it and the encourage my daughter to do the same but not to the point of feeling apologetic for texting the other mum...yet!)

Those who can only convey the message that they think im being unreasonable by insulting me...

I don't feel the need to engage with you all personally but I do find that even more sad/embarrassing/pathetic than I'm being (albeit in a different way).

Sorry if that last line loses me my 'good sport' title 😑.

OP posts:
Namechangedyetagain1 · 12/03/2025 15:21

RedToothBrush · 12/03/2025 12:46

This is about you trying to win cool points rather than doing an experience your child will really enjoy.

Christ, when I think back on all the hours I must have wasted on the angst of trying to make myself cool (in whatever formation was in at the time) I could cry.

One of the unexpected joys of getting older is finding that surprisingly I give pretty much zero fucks about that stuff anymore, so it's a bit sad to me that people are still doing that but through their kids this time.

TenThousandSpoons · 12/03/2025 15:18

It’s also quite normal in my kids’ circles to travel an hour for a bday experience - toboggan run, escape room, go ape, go karts - all are about an hour away and the bday hosts have driven a small group there or taken them on bus/train. (Tween/teenagers)

Doingmybestbut · 12/03/2025 15:17

I think that’s shitty of the other mum but there’s not much you can do about it.

Waitingbydoor · 12/03/2025 15:15

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

TenThousandSpoons · 12/03/2025 15:15

I said YANBU because I would be miffed too. When my daughter was turning ten, her frenemy asked her what she wanted to do for her bday then copied the idea, one month before. My dd was very upset but we then chose something different - and better.
However, I don’t think I’d have mentioned it in December for a June bday and not expect anyone else to go there all year.

Tiberius12 · 12/03/2025 15:15

My 10 year old daughter's party idea has been copied off 2 of her friends this year as they enjoyed it so much. She is just happy she gets to go again!

ScribblingPixie · 12/03/2025 15:15

Lesson learned to keep cards closer to the chest!

This is it in a nutshell, OP. I've done the same with hotels and now only share recommendations for the ones that aren't 'special' to me. Maybe look at the first party as a 'tester' so that you can make sure yours is perfect.

DataBeach · 12/03/2025 15:14

JuneySunshine · 12/03/2025 14:51

I don't think this is unreasonable at all- they've been underhand and think they would know that too. We all want to do nice things for our kids and they've seriously impacted something you wanted to do for yours.

Love all the 'helpful' suggestions here too- book yours earlier? It's for a birthday!

How has it ‘seriously impacted’ the party?

NeedToChangeName · 12/03/2025 15:11

I'd be a little bit irritated but it's just one of those things you have to accept

Would a joint party be an option?

Chuchoter · 12/03/2025 15:11

Don't so bloody petty!

What a ridiculous notion to even contemplate.

PurpleThistle7 · 12/03/2025 15:10

Homer28 · 12/03/2025 12:56

Yes, we took 2 cars for 8 kids when we did it last year.
Im daft but not that daft lol

Show quote history

I was trying to imagine a scenario where I'd drive my kids that far for a party - am begrudging the party my son has in a couple of weeks that's 20 minutes away lol

My kids are 8/12 - my son would think nothing of it but I could see how my daughter might be upset as she'd pictured a certain thing and now it would be different. But she'd get over it - and to be honest, 8 weeks is a really long time for a child so a great opportunity to have a chance to get excited for something all over again. Is there some sort of add on or extra thing to make it really special for her? Food delivery (my daughter and her friends are obsessed with bubble tea) or great game after or a sleepover or something?

Proudestmumofone1 · 12/03/2025 15:08

@Homer28 i didn’t personally have the strong reaction to your post as other responses, but I have to say your ability to laugh as well as take on board the perspective of MN at its finest is a joy to see!!!

So many posts end up with the OP just arguing their perspective but your attitude is how it should be and just lovely to see - I’m sure your daughter is equally lovely ❤️

PS get a party bus for the transport to the venue and one up them! X