AIBU - Friend has 'stolen' party idea

now only share recommendations for the ones that aren't 'special' to me.

What did this comment mean then?

We know somebody like this in our social group. Maybe this is you! She won’t tell you which hotel she has been to. Even though none of us are even wanting to steal the idea! I could not afford to copy anyway. She is quite mean-spirited really all-round.

Of course others care about their kids feelings but as adults and parents we should be helping to manage those feelings instead of encouraging children to compete with friends over the most 'cool' birthday party and certainly not encouraging petty behaviour as some pp's have suggested such as taking some friends before the party, going all out with party bags to make hers the 'better' one etc.

We had pretty simple parties for our kids every year. Soft play etc, invited the whole class. Great memories.

At no age did my young kids feel the need to show off about their parties and be ‘cool’. Thank goodness.

I don't remember taking that vow 😂

I am still surprised that a 10-year-old would be ‘devastated’, have her birthday ‘severely impacted’ by this, be ‘chastised’ by her friends, and will no longer be able to look forward to her birthday party in July.

Really? Is this what today’s young kids are like?

If this would genuinely spoil some posters’ child’s birthday party, then quite frankly they need to look at their parenting.

Well, that’s just about that couple who are a bit odd. Why then vow to never share special recommendations with anyone else again?

Well, in general nothing - it's nice to share - but when a relative and their not particularly pleasant husband book not only the bargain, seafront romantic hotel you discovered but the actual bedroom you slept in and go into way too much detail of what they got up to in it, it does rather take the shine off the idea of returning.

Why wouldn’t you recommend a great hotel. I have done this for several times
for friends. What’s wrong with people?

Flat out with you on this OP! I'd be livid. The other mum knows what's she has done here & I'd seriously consider the friendship. Not cool.

It's not a box standard bowling party or not a case of ‘ooh I bought the same top' and a compliment this is all about stealing a really lovely different idea. My DD 10 has just confirmed she would be fuming too.

So I hear by validate your feelings. Now, as you say learn from this and keep party ideas to yourself going forwards.

Hope your DD has a lovely party and enjoys the tequila (that did make me chuckle @Doseofreality)

I’d find somewhere else to have your DD’s party, especially if the same guests will be going to both. Also, you may find that at least one guest will hate the aerial adventure and will get cold feet at the beginning, have to be cajoled along or brought down mid course. It happens a lot with kids of that age.

It is a little ‘’off’ of your friend to book the part after you mentioned it, given the fact it’s not local.

It's not the coolness, it's the fact the other mum has wilfully stolen her daughter's plans.

Literally every party I’ve been to since 2018 has been at Goals or Go Ape. Maybe boys are less bothered about this sort of thing and I couldn’t imagine any of their friends having a go for copying.
However she’s been quite shady. Honestly I’d be tempted not to send your daughter and to book something else for her party even cooler and not invite the other girl. But I’m quite vindictive if you cross my kids.

Why try so hard to be “cool”.

Cool is a concept sold to the youth to make companies money.

I’m picturing Amanda from Motherland.

Don't even need to read the thread to know so many will be saying OP is ridiculous. I'd be annoyed as well but unfortunately it's one of them things. Next time don't tell anyone, thing is you don't know she wouldn't have booked the same party anyway even if you didn't tell her.
Not a cool thing for her to have done imo

I'd be very annoyed.

Like a PP has suggested, I would take a group of kids along for a day out, get some other mums, or DH to help if you both have cars, before the other girl's birthday party.

Then I'd do something completely different, better, cooler on my DD's actual birthday.

This post is a bit cray but do consider, the first time the kids will be a bit anxious, when it comes to your daughters turn they will just be happy and excited knowing what to expect

I'm with you op I'd be pretty fuming

My little sister planned out a party when she was 11. She wanted it to be a pop star party where everyone could get coloured hair bits and glitter make up and bring instruments and they would be in a band. She planned a menu. Super cute.

Mum was talking to our aunt about it, who was always a bitter woman and our cousin was the same age as my sister and in the same class. Her child's birthday was first so she almost immediately sent out invitations inviting everyone to a pop star party. They had more money as well so hired all the bells and whistles.

Of course no one owns a party, especially something as vague as a popstar theme party but it was deliberate and quite shitty. Her daughter had a really hard time at school, partly because of how she was raised.

My sister was devastated and didn't want to go. Mum was furious but talked about why people copy and insecurity and rising above things you can't change. They then planned a fashion show party (very creative), everyone loved it and they never shared anything with aunt/ cousin again.

Yes kids parties are petty but it does show someone up as either totally thoughtless, insecure and jealous or plain mean. Little things paint a picture.

To be fair. All children's birthday parties are super special, it's not about throwing money at it competition style.

My kids are now teens and have been to all sorts of parties in there primary years. Lots of them repeated. Sleepovers, Theme parks, laser quest, a family who hired a whole pool with flumes for there twins, lots of trampoline parks, cooking parties at pizza express, BBQs in gardens, village halls, body combat, leisure centre parties, water parks and I think one of them even did a trip to a recording studio.

I was always just grateful that they were invited, I don't as there parent have one that stands out more than the other and now they are in their teens they have moved on to doing more teen like stuff.

I would demote her in your friendships! Never trust her with this sort of info again!

Also, I reckon the 76% don't throw their kids a party and it seems they don't care about their kids feelings! You were super clear that your daughter was really looking forward to it!

In this position, I might change the date to have your party first or change the theme/location completely. I would be fuming and once my party was sorted I would let other mum's know too!

If you're willing to travel 75 minutes and drive 2 carloads of 10 year olds there must be other activities in the vicinity. I would encourage your daughter to attend the friends party in good grace, enjoy it, have fun, but choose something new for her own party. I'd be cautious around the mum in the future too. This could've been handled better by the other family.

But you said in your OP that you already held a party at this “unknown” location for DD. Different activity maybe, but surely everyone is already well aware your family discovered this hidden gem..? And if not, DD could easily say “Yes, I actually had my party here last year and have already planned to do it this year/My sister did(unclear if it’s the same DD?)”

It’s hardly going to be seen as copying, is it?

This, and she doesn't like it she can do other stuff.

A lot of people on here are really minimising the impact this could have on your DD and I think YADNBU!!

Your 'mum friend' sounds like a jostling CF...

@CantStopMoving I think you misunderstood, there's nothing wrong with wanting to have a good party, obviously. Nobody plans any type of party aiming for it to be shit!

But in this case the op seems put out that another mum has stolen her 'cool' party idea when really (if it were about the kids as it should be and not about adults bragging rights) she should be happy that her dd is getting to take part in two cool parties.

To me it seems like she's pissed off that someone else has gone for the party she wanted for her dd which as I said isn't unreasonable. But it should come down to the dc all having a good time. Not the mums going head to head for who puts on the most expensive shindig.