AIBU - Friend has 'stolen' party idea

YABU in the way that you don't own a party idea however a friend wouldn't actually do this, I can understand maybe doing in the following year once attending the party but it seems odd to copy a party that you only knew about once another parent told you about it. I know I would be disappointed if a friend did this and I certainly wouldn't do it to a friend either.

Well Op you've taught her a fabulous life lesson. Never tell anyone else ANYTHING until you have locked down your place/ ticket/credit for doing. There's nothing you can do about this event now sadly

It might help your daughter to decide whether she wants this type of party anyway as she will be able to try out the zip lne activity etc - she might feel braver at her own party if she has sampled the other activities

The other mum is a sneaky bitch. Don’t share anything with her ever again!!

@Homer28 honestly the other mother is a cheeky fucker. And going ahead even after you explained how it would be. Utter cow. I'd be livid too.
Of course you know you don't own the idea or the place but she didn't even know about it til you kindly mentioned it to her.
Her child must be a spoiled brat if she just doesn't bloody care and it's all about her daughter and fuck everyone else.
I hope you can find somewhere even more fun to go. Or go there again but put your own twist on it "the original plan"
Jeez.

I am so surprised by a lot of the responses saying you’re being unreasonable. I suspect these are the people just like your friend who doesn’t think twice about impacting other peoples plans! You’re not being unreasonable

If it’s a place that regularly hosts birthday parties then YABU. A party package from a large amusement park in the area is absolutely not your creative property.

We don’t need to affirm all of our children’s wants as parents. Talk to your DD about why the venue isn’t something that can be “owned” or called dibs on in that way. Remind her that everyone will have fun no matter what (if your daughter has done the course point out that she is still extremely excited to do it at her party, so why would anyone else feel differently just because they’ve also done it before) and that the uniqueness of parties comes in in other places… perhaps you come up with really creative invitations and some sort of special keepsake photo frame for attendees, or matching socks or hair ties for everyone to wear on the outing, or special themed treats. It’s the creative things and how you combine all the elements that make a party specially yours... and that sort of specially yours isn’t the same as making it a competition.

I gently suggested that the two girls having the same party might be an issue as its important at 10 to have the 'cool' party and they like to put an individual stamp on it and the parties will only be 8 weeks apart.

I'd gently suggest you were bonkers if you said that to me.

And to be honest, it's not a great thing to encourage this sort of one-upmanship in a child.

Lesson learned to keep cards closer to the chest!
That really isn't the lesson to get from this.

The lesson is that life is not a competition. A party is about kids of the same age getting together and having a fun time. It certainly isn't about showing off as to whom can offer the 'coolest' experience that will be talked about for a year and then forgotten.

Installing this in your daughter is only going to teach her that life is all down to impressing 'friends' rather than just enjoying real friendship.

Don't be that parent. It raises kids who value what is fake, puts them under pressure to always surpass others, and then feel let down when they realise it's not them their friends value but the experiences they offer them.

You sound like a 5 year old.

Yeah this. This person is not your friend. Chalk it up to experience.

My dentist has started sending ‘gentle reminders’ for my next appt. Grrrrrr!

I’d be surprised if the kids will be bothered at all, if my kids are anything to go by - they want ‘fun’ on repeat! Unless it’s a disaster for your friend’s dd’s party and then you can arrange something different, it’s a win win!

She needs nicer friends if they are critical of one another. I’m not on about ‘be kind’ but if the reaction of her friends to someone having a party in a place that someone else has had a party is to chastise them, she’s hanging out with meanies.

I don’t know what the other mother was supposed to do. Her child is also having a special birthday, she’s asked to have it at a particular place. Was she supposed to say ‘no, that’s where Lucinda has her parties, it’s not for the likes of you’.

Indeed. The whole idea of cool v not cool comes from parents at age 10.

Kids aren't just doing things because they'd really enjoy them and it'd be fun.

The 'cool' party 🥳 🙄

Me too, I actually don’t think you are being unreasonable at all and I can see why your daughter would be upset 🤷🏼‍♀️

Exactly. Children learn from their parents.

Some parents also seem to want to 'out do' each other with things like birthday parties and act like 10 year olds themselves. It really is ridiculous.

Urghhhh sadly this is the first rule of parenting …it starts with don’t tell anyone the name and extends from there.

she’s obviously being twatty but there isn’t much you can do.

I’m a petty cow so I would book your DDs one week earlier and explain to your DD that 10 is SOOO special you have booked a mini break holiday for her actual birthday as well as a party and this was the only date they had…

It's the parents that drive the competitive mean spiritedness. The other parent has engaged in it but the attitude the OP has is very much part of the problem.

You can see it's not coming from the playground it's the parents who are trying to outdoors each other and having this mentality that everything will be 'ruined' if someone gets in there first. The kids pick up on it and copy the parents.

It's funny watching the kids argue over those stupid over size drink cups saying 'yours isn't a proper one' at age 9. The kids have been bought one by parents or have asked for one because they've been marketed to - by watching inappropriately aged stuff. It definitely a parent thing using the kids as fashion accessories rather than coming just from the kids. Even the ones with the older siblings, are lacking in parents saying the word no.

It's ridiculous.

Exactly this!

Indeed. I mean, just say 'That's enough, Barbara -- I think we've all heard enough about Nigel cavorting on the balcony semi-clad, thanks.' And recognise that 'discovering' a hotel is a fiction. If you were the only one to discover it, it wouldn't have stayed open a month. Just as the illusion that no one else has ever stayed in your pristine hotel room and had a lot of graphic sex in 'your' bed is just as much of an illusion. (Speaking as a former hotel cleaner who knows just how much work is involved in that illusion.)

No I won’t. Petty people never change.

Blimey, take it up with her, not me.

Fucking hell, the 4 year old party scene is going to get intense round here if we're not allowed to do the same parties any more. The August babies are gonna have to BIG.