AIBU - Friend has 'stolen' party idea

Do you really think it wouldn’t have been discovered sooner rather than later? Especially considering your daughter has already had a party there for a different activity and the children are getting older now.

It was only a matter of time.

You seem oddly hung up on the idea that you "discovered" this place. It's just over an hour away. I promise other parents are well aware of it.

i see what you are saying, but April to July is a very long time apart, and i do think that there will be some in April that will be braver in July.
It is what it is, lesson learned, keep your ideas to yourself from now on. although once they are in secondary, these parties tend to dwindle.

OK so, at worst, they heard your idea and thought, that's a good idea and booked the same place. I really don't see the big deal. They also have a child who wants to have a party there and so they are doing that.

save the date for a kids 10th birthday party? I feel like I'm on the wrong planet sometimes

Unless they are coming to have their kids party in your kitchen, they are not encoraching on you. Local place does kids parties, parents book parties there. If you feel put out by someone else using an amenity because you wanted to do it first, you need to get a grip.

Oh god! You’re “that” mother aren’t you!

Way to make sure other parents encourage their children not to be friendly with yours!

Nuts.
Kids don't care they happy to get to go twice!!

please do, so other parents can cross to the other side of street when they see you. Just in case.

Get your dds save the date invites out first?

Agreed. You would look utterly unhinged.

This would have been absolute 🔥on our class WhatsApp group, but not in the way it was intended. The sub groups would be popping off all afternoon 😂

Yes. A combative email to the group that’ll sort things out.
Just not how you envisage
Send that and you’ll look absolutely unhinged and all sympathy will gravitate to the other mum.
Send that and be prepared for widespread derision

Honestly I would post something on your class whatsapp « dd is devastated that you would steal her party idea despite me telling you we would book this specific activity and that she wouldn’t want you to book the same. Why would you do that to a 10yo? if you were struggling to find ideas of your own, you could have asked »

The friendship is dead at this point, so you might as well shame her, who knows she might change her plans.

exactly, it's not unique, it's a party package, plenty of people will have done the same thing.

But it isn't particularly unique. They will have a birthday party package because many children have their parties there.

If the reverse was posted, I'd be saying the same. No one can steal a birthday party idea and adults shouldn't be encouraging their children to compete with ''coolest'' parties with children who are supposed to be their friends.

OP, I don't think you're being unreasonable at all! I'd be really annoyed too. I realise that no one 'owns' a party idea, but this one sounds particularly unique, and meaningful to your DD. It's pretty inconsiderate of the other mum to schedule a party there with the same crowd before your DD's party, and so close together.

I'm also quite surprised at some of the responses. I wonder that if the reverse had been posted, more people would be saying the other mum was unreasonable? Eg:

"The other week I got a text from the mother of my DD's best friend. She's thinking of hosting a party for her DD (turning 10) in June at a venue over an hour away that does aerial assault courses, and wanted my opinion on it. Apparently her DD has wanted to do this for ages. I'd never heard of the place before, but I told her that my kids would love that sort of thing!

I then got thinking - my own DD's birthday is in April, and this is the sort of thing she'd love. I looked at the website and realised it sounded awesome! So I've decided to go ahead and book this aerial assault place for DD's birthday party in April. She is inviting the same group of kids who'd be invited to her best friend's party.

Now the other mum is mad at me because she thinks I've 'stolen' her DD's party idea. AIBU?"

I think maybe you and the other mum have very different mindsets. A fairly similar thing happened with my daughter this year. We are going to see a musical with several friends for her birthday and shared the invites months in advance so I could book the tickets. A friend of hers is now also going to see a musical a few months earlier as her birthday falls before my daughter’s. I guess our friend did copy but the way I see it another child also really loved that idea for a party and now the group of friends get to go and have a super fun experience together twice over the summer. My daughter is excited about it, her friends are excited about it. They are making plans to have matching outfits for the shows, practicing dances to various tunes and generally getting so much joy out of knowing it’s coming. No doubt they’ll all come home buzzing over what an awesome day they’ve had on both occasions and it’s very possible they want to do similar again. My assumption would be my daughter would be happy to do something she’d enjoy twice so it wouldn’t occur to me to think the other parent had done something wrong. Similarly if someone invited us to, or told us about, a super fun thing they were planning to do in autumn for a kids birthday then my daughter loved the idea and asked to do it then my immediate thought would be how nice it would be the kids all got to do whatever cool activities twice. I wouldn’t think to check it was ok with the autumn birthday person and would be really taken aback if someone suggested it wasn’t ok for us to do it too. I guess as well once I’d agreed we would do it as a party I’d be very reluctant to change our plans because someone else wanted to do it first. I’m really a bit surprised by various comments that your friend isn’t your friend (or worse is a bitch/psycho) because their kid happened to love the idea of a party venue you suggested and wanted to celebrate their birthday there.
All that said if uniqueness is the most important factor for your daughter I’m sure you’ll be able to find another equally fab venue or party idea. I hope whatever you do she has a lovely day and I hope you consider the possibility your friend has just got a different way of thinking about things rather than that she deliberately set out to spoil anything. I’m possibly over optimistic but I generally feel like you have a happier existence thinking the best of others and never assuming malice where incompetence, thoughtlessness or just different attitudes could be the cause of someone’s actions.

I can completely see why both you and your daughter are miffed and I think that's a very reasonable feeling to have.

And knowing that a friend's child had a very different party venue in mind, I don't think I would have felt comfortable suggesting it to my child in advance of the original one.

Some venues are popular and do get used as party places multiple times within the same cohort. But they are designated party venues and duplication is the order of the day. And for younger children they like going to places they know, anyway.

In this instance it was something totally different and left field and the other parent wouldn't have thought about it herself.

I think the other parent was a bit cheeky to nab the idea.

But there is bugger all you can do about it.

If this place is such an excellent day out from where you live, could it be that this other family was also planning to have a party there for some time too? Maybe you didn't actually give them the idea.

IME, as the mother of a 13 yearbooks girl, 10 year olds don't want to be unique, they want to be similar.

So no child can ever do anything different or special to them?

Personally I don’t see it as doing something to compete with their friends like you do - it is about a child specifically wanting to do something completely different and have a new experience with their friends. I can understand their upset if another child leaps in and takes that experience before them because their birthday was first.

In my case. I took my daughter and her mates to an experience in London for her 16th. It really is something you only do once or you might be repeating yourself. None of them had done it before and honestly the excitement of them having no idea what they were about to do was part of the fun. Had they all done it before it wouldn’t have been the same. The unknown was a big part of it.

I am really lost here. Two ds, 15 and 11. Mine would be thrilled to do the same cool party thing twice, not thinking anyone was raining on his parade. Is it a girl thing or is it mum who wants to be cool?