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AIBU?

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Original poster

AIBU - Friend has 'stolen' party idea

592 replies

Homer28 · 12/03/2025 12:42

Hi,
As a family we often go to an adventure centre/party place around 75 mins drive from our home town so not local and never been invited to a party there before. Last year we did a party there at the centres waterpark for my daughters 10th birthday.

This same venue, which throws excellent parties and has lots of party options from bowling to waterpark etc and also has an aerial assault course but it has an age/height limit. My daughter has said for a couple of years that when everyone is 10/11+ she will do a party there as its cool/scary.

This year in December (party isn't until June) she asked if she could have her party there in June. Her dad was concerned that in theory its a brilliant day out but that people may be afraid of the heights/parents may be hesitant and it could not be as exciting as shes thinks.
I text another parent of two of her friends for a second opinion and she thought it was a cool idea (wasn't aware this existed) and her kids would love to go!.

Cue this month when she tells me she is booking this for her daughters party in April. I gently suggested that the two girls having the same party might be an issue as its important at 10 to have the 'cool' party and they like to put an individual stamp on it and the parties will only be 8 weeks apart. She disagrees and thinks a party venue is open to all kids who wish to have their parties there.

I was pre empting the upset from my 10 year old who laments that shell be chastised by the class for 'copying' the first birthday girl and it takes the shine off her idea which has been brewing for a while.

AIBU to be annoyed?

YABU - You don't own a party idea!
YANBU - Its not cool to hear an idea from a friend and pip them to the post on it.

OP posts:
coxesorangepippin · 13/03/2025 17:21

How on earth do people have time for this in their mental capacity

Who gives a shit!.

Original poster
Homer28 · 13/03/2025 17:18

Signing off this thread now at 73% unreasonable (for anyone keeping score).

Thanks for all the support and those providing a reality check (in a nice-ish way).

I think the length of the thread is starting to irritate people so I won’t reply to anymore individual questions (if there are any outstanding).

😘

OP posts:
YouLookinSusBro · 13/03/2025 17:18

OP yanbu at all. This would piss me off, especially as you clearly consider the mum a friend

Moveoverdarlin · 13/03/2025 17:17

I think people are missing the point, I think it’s key that it’s so far away. Most kids don’t have a party which is an hour and 15 minutes away from their homes. So when people are saying ‘another party would have happened there anyway’ or ‘you don’t own it’ of course not, but few parents would want to take two car loads of kids on a two and half hour round trip. It’s just not the done thing. So I can see why OP is pissed off, as she was really pushing the boat out. She mentioned the venue to the other Mum and she pinched it. She knew what she was doing. It’s like gazumping.

RedToothBrush · 13/03/2025 17:13

Homer28 · 13/03/2025 17:05

Where have I admitted it’s about being competitive?

For DD she wanted to do this activity for a couple of years and wanted to bring her friends for her birthday. She has some emotions about copying and teasing from classmates if she has the same party invitations out 2 weeks after the OG party which seem like valid 10 year old feelings.

My feelings are around feeling let down by a supposed close friend and I wonder if those feelings are outlandish.

I personally don’t care about out do-ing anyone but I can understand why it was nice for my 10 year old to have a really special/fun/talked about party last year.

Show quote history

Your post above goes on about having the best party and taking the girls for the whole day and how you did more than the 'usual' party.

And now you are upset because you outdid everyone and now everyone else has kids wanting to do more because you decided to raise the bar to the next level...

Of course it's competitive.

Moveoverdarlin · 13/03/2025 17:13

I think it’s sneaky of them to be honest. And yes, the answer to all of these types of things is to be more secretive.

Digdongdoo · 13/03/2025 17:06

Homer28 · 13/03/2025 17:00

Because the first parent told me that she told her child in December about the idea to check about the scary ness and they watched a video and that’s when her daughter fell in love with it and I know she’s never been to this venue and I was with them all (the kids) at the last party and we didn’t go to the sky climb section.

my daughter was at their house in February and was asked all sorts of details about the venue and party and whether she was still doing it by the adult and child in question.

I have had words with my friend about this and at no point did she say “whoa hold the phone Homer28, I seen this skyclimb last year and was always going to book it, the fact that you had the idea is purely coincidence” she has made no secret of where she got the idea from and doesn’t think it’s an issue.

Most parties amoung their peers are within a 15/20 min drive. Last year we did this venue with 2 cars which was unusual and the kids raved about getting the whole day out and we had good fun on the way down so I think that’s part of what the other parent wants for their child’s birthday.

Show quote history

In December, your kids birthday is in July. You're being ridiculous. You can't dibs somewhere you already took the other child for 7 months. Do your DD a favour and don't encourage competition like this.

Original poster
Homer28 · 13/03/2025 17:05

RedToothBrush · 13/03/2025 17:01

So you admit it's all about being competitive...

Show quote history

Where have I admitted it’s about being competitive?

For DD she wanted to do this activity for a couple of years and wanted to bring her friends for her birthday. She has some emotions about copying and teasing from classmates if she has the same party invitations out 2 weeks after the OG party which seem like valid 10 year old feelings.

My feelings are around feeling let down by a supposed close friend and I wonder if those feelings are outlandish.

I personally don’t care about out do-ing anyone but I can understand why it was nice for my 10 year old to have a really special/fun/talked about party last year.

OP posts:
MissDoubleU · 13/03/2025 17:04

RedToothBrush · 13/03/2025 17:01

So you admit it's all about being competitive...

Show quote history

Literally.

If I have my child’s 10th birthday party at Xscape doing snowboarding, then I say “well I’m going to do their 11th birthday at Xscape doing the climb wall” and another mum says “I have decided to also do my child’s party at Xscape, they have chosen the climb wall for theirs too” - how can I be mad about it? Sure it’s a different activity, but at the same location. Child was already there. Your child already had their dibs. Can’t have dibs for first party with every individual activity offered.

Bailamosse · 13/03/2025 17:03

14 pages sheesh. Imagine getting this upset over a kids party.

SouthLondonMum22 · 13/03/2025 17:03

Homer28 · 13/03/2025 17:00

Because the first parent told me that she told her child in December about the idea to check about the scary ness and they watched a video and that’s when her daughter fell in love with it and I know she’s never been to this venue and I was with them all (the kids) at the last party and we didn’t go to the sky climb section.

my daughter was at their house in February and was asked all sorts of details about the venue and party and whether she was still doing it by the adult and child in question.

I have had words with my friend about this and at no point did she say “whoa hold the phone Homer28, I seen this skyclimb last year and was always going to book it, the fact that you had the idea is purely coincidence” she has made no secret of where she got the idea from and doesn’t think it’s an issue.

Most parties amoung their peers are within a 15/20 min drive. Last year we did this venue with 2 cars which was unusual and the kids raved about getting the whole day out and we had good fun on the way down so I think that’s part of what the other parent wants for their child’s birthday.

Show quote history

and I think that’s the issue when it comes down to it, isn’t it? You’re put out that they might rave about her party but then might not rave about your daughters.

RedToothBrush · 13/03/2025 17:01

Homer28 · 13/03/2025 17:00

Because the first parent told me that she told her child in December about the idea to check about the scary ness and they watched a video and that’s when her daughter fell in love with it and I know she’s never been to this venue and I was with them all (the kids) at the last party and we didn’t go to the sky climb section.

my daughter was at their house in February and was asked all sorts of details about the venue and party and whether she was still doing it by the adult and child in question.

I have had words with my friend about this and at no point did she say “whoa hold the phone Homer28, I seen this skyclimb last year and was always going to book it, the fact that you had the idea is purely coincidence” she has made no secret of where she got the idea from and doesn’t think it’s an issue.

Most parties amoung their peers are within a 15/20 min drive. Last year we did this venue with 2 cars which was unusual and the kids raved about getting the whole day out and we had good fun on the way down so I think that’s part of what the other parent wants for their child’s birthday.

Show quote history

So you admit it's all about being competitive...

Original poster
Homer28 · 13/03/2025 17:00

Digdongdoo · 13/03/2025 16:54

But you had a party there last year. The "idea" was public a year ago! You really thought no other kid or parent would want to go again? How do you know the other kid didn't decide on her own that she wanted a party there?

Show quote history

Because the first parent told me that she told her child in December about the idea to check about the scary ness and they watched a video and that’s when her daughter fell in love with it and I know she’s never been to this venue and I was with them all (the kids) at the last party and we didn’t go to the sky climb section.

my daughter was at their house in February and was asked all sorts of details about the venue and party and whether she was still doing it by the adult and child in question.

I have had words with my friend about this and at no point did she say “whoa hold the phone Homer28, I seen this skyclimb last year and was always going to book it, the fact that you had the idea is purely coincidence” she has made no secret of where she got the idea from and doesn’t think it’s an issue.

Most parties amoung their peers are within a 15/20 min drive. Last year we did this venue with 2 cars which was unusual and the kids raved about getting the whole day out and we had good fun on the way down so I think that’s part of what the other parent wants for their child’s birthday.

OP posts:
Digdongdoo · 13/03/2025 16:54

Homer28 · 13/03/2025 15:10

I don’t think I’m the Christopher Columbus of party venues!

I just think a post saying “local place gets booked for party big surprise” is silly as it’s not a local place and I know my friend and her daughter got the party idea from me, that’s not up for debate.

I don’t need any details deliberately changed to make me look worse than I already do 😂

Show quote history

But you had a party there last year. The "idea" was public a year ago! You really thought no other kid or parent would want to go again? How do you know the other kid didn't decide on her own that she wanted a party there?

FallOfTheHouseOfUtterlyButterly · 13/03/2025 16:13

But..
It's not even a new place. They went there last year to do a different activity. It's not some unique, special, new place.
It would have been entirely possible for other mums to have seen that this place does X, Y and Z parties too and have booked it for other children

athenaswrath · 13/03/2025 15:45

@Homer28 I do get it sometimes I feel other parents do it deliberately, I've had ideas stolen of me before and it does really annoy me. I've even had a friend steal my baby name before! That really really pissed me off! 🤣

Original poster
Homer28 · 13/03/2025 15:35

MissDoubleU · 13/03/2025 15:29

But again; did you not say in your OP that your daughter already had her 10th birthday there last year? So surely you have already checked off “first to host a party there” and can claim discovery of it. Your daughter is having another party at the same location. You can’t really angle it as stealing or swooping in before you when she has already been the first. How many birthdays must this be exclusively your daughters territory?

Show quote history

She had her birthday at this places waterpark last year as they were too young for this second activity which is a roof sky climb type activity.

OP posts:
MissDoubleU · 13/03/2025 15:29

Homer28 · 13/03/2025 15:10

I don’t think I’m the Christopher Columbus of party venues!

I just think a post saying “local place gets booked for party big surprise” is silly as it’s not a local place and I know my friend and her daughter got the party idea from me, that’s not up for debate.

I don’t need any details deliberately changed to make me look worse than I already do 😂

Show quote history

But again; did you not say in your OP that your daughter already had her 10th birthday there last year? So surely you have already checked off “first to host a party there” and can claim discovery of it. Your daughter is having another party at the same location. You can’t really angle it as stealing or swooping in before you when she has already been the first. How many birthdays must this be exclusively your daughters territory?

Errahstop · 13/03/2025 15:25

Homer28 · 13/03/2025 15:15

Yes, their child said I want my
party there as it sounds cool and they are making it happen. And they don’t see anything wrong with that.

The AIBU is after all whether or not it’s reasonable for my child to be annoyed as she was excited about introducing this activity to her friends and within her social group feels she couldn’t do the same party so close. AND I guess whether I’m being unreasonable to be feeling a bit miffed at a friend who hasn’t given any consideration to my feelings on this at all. She is just doing what she feels is best for her child, I understand but there is something that niggles at me about it where the friendship is concerned and I’m just not sure how big that niggle is or should be.

Show quote history

They don't see anything wrong with it, because there is nothing wrong with it. Their kid wants to have their party at this place so they are doing that. Sorry if I'm coming across as mean here but I honestly cannot see what the issue is. I will be at 3 parties for 10 year olds in the next 6 weeks at the same place. The kids all look forward to and enjoy each occasion on its own merits. Your child being upset because they wanted to be the one to introduce an activity to their social group sounds bonkers to me and not like any group of 10 year olds I know.

Original poster
Homer28 · 13/03/2025 15:24

athenaswrath · 13/03/2025 15:21

I get why you are annoyed and I get why your daughter is upset.

This would piss me off if honest. Maybe next time just don't say anything to the other mums about plans because of this reason. Unfortunately your daughter may have to change what she does or just stick with it for now.

Show quote history

Thank-you.
You get so swamped with people who just cannot understand how you are feeling you start to wonder what sort of fever dream you are living in so it’s nice to hear it would annoy other people. 😝

OP posts:
athenaswrath · 13/03/2025 15:21

Homer28 · 12/03/2025 12:42

Hi,
As a family we often go to an adventure centre/party place around 75 mins drive from our home town so not local and never been invited to a party there before. Last year we did a party there at the centres waterpark for my daughters 10th birthday.

This same venue, which throws excellent parties and has lots of party options from bowling to waterpark etc and also has an aerial assault course but it has an age/height limit. My daughter has said for a couple of years that when everyone is 10/11+ she will do a party there as its cool/scary.

This year in December (party isn't until June) she asked if she could have her party there in June. Her dad was concerned that in theory its a brilliant day out but that people may be afraid of the heights/parents may be hesitant and it could not be as exciting as shes thinks.
I text another parent of two of her friends for a second opinion and she thought it was a cool idea (wasn't aware this existed) and her kids would love to go!.

Cue this month when she tells me she is booking this for her daughters party in April. I gently suggested that the two girls having the same party might be an issue as its important at 10 to have the 'cool' party and they like to put an individual stamp on it and the parties will only be 8 weeks apart. She disagrees and thinks a party venue is open to all kids who wish to have their parties there.

I was pre empting the upset from my 10 year old who laments that shell be chastised by the class for 'copying' the first birthday girl and it takes the shine off her idea which has been brewing for a while.

AIBU to be annoyed?

YABU - You don't own a party idea!
YANBU - Its not cool to hear an idea from a friend and pip them to the post on it.

I get why you are annoyed and I get why your daughter is upset.

This would piss me off if honest. Maybe next time just don't say anything to the other mums about plans because of this reason. Unfortunately your daughter may have to change what she does or just stick with it for now.

Original poster
Homer28 · 13/03/2025 15:20

Errahstop · 13/03/2025 15:14

But why are you so bothered that they liked your idea? Your child gets to go to this place that she loves twice. Only once will be her birthday so it will naturally be more special for her. Why has this upset you so much?

Show quote history

I told my child that her friend was considering this venue/activity with no opinions attached to it and she was upset, which irritated me.

It does upset me (the way I feel my friend has behaved) and I felt the whole situation was a bit off from her POV and I don’t know why that is (Options include: I have narcissistic personality disorder, I was dropped on my head as a child).

I do understand I’m being unreasonable though.

OP posts:
Original poster
Homer28 · 13/03/2025 15:17

SouthLondonMum22 · 13/03/2025 15:14

Do you really think it wouldn’t have been discovered sooner rather than later? Especially considering your daughter has already had a party there for a different activity and the children are getting older now.

It was only a matter of time.

Show quote history

It maybe will be used for other parties now (though as parents have said on this group a lot of people don’t want to have to transport children etc.) and I have no issue with that.

If an invitation had come from another child for this party it would still have been disappointing for my DD and I would have been disappointed for her but it would be one of those things. I don’t think I would have had any hurt or anger towards my friend..which is what makes it slightly different.

OP posts:
Original poster
Homer28 · 13/03/2025 15:15

Errahstop · 13/03/2025 15:00

OK so, at worst, they heard your idea and thought, that's a good idea and booked the same place. I really don't see the big deal. They also have a child who wants to have a party there and so they are doing that.

Show quote history

Yes, their child said I want my
party there as it sounds cool and they are making it happen. And they don’t see anything wrong with that.

The AIBU is after all whether or not it’s reasonable for my child to be annoyed as she was excited about introducing this activity to her friends and within her social group feels she couldn’t do the same party so close. AND I guess whether I’m being unreasonable to be feeling a bit miffed at a friend who hasn’t given any consideration to my feelings on this at all. She is just doing what she feels is best for her child, I understand but there is something that niggles at me about it where the friendship is concerned and I’m just not sure how big that niggle is or should be.

OP posts:
Errahstop · 13/03/2025 15:14

Homer28 · 13/03/2025 15:10

I don’t think I’m the Christopher Columbus of party venues!

I just think a post saying “local place gets booked for party big surprise” is silly as it’s not a local place and I know my friend and her daughter got the party idea from me, that’s not up for debate.

I don’t need any details deliberately changed to make me look worse than I already do 😂

Show quote history

But why are you so bothered that they liked your idea? Your child gets to go to this place that she loves twice. Only once will be her birthday so it will naturally be more special for her. Why has this upset you so much?