Page 10 | AIBU - Friend has 'stolen' party idea

Homer28 · 2025-03-12T12:42:47+00:00

Hi, As a family we often go to an adventure centre/party place around 75 mins drive from our home town so not local and never been invited to a party there before. Last year we did a party there at the centres waterpark for my daughters 10th birthday. This same venue, which throws excellent parties and has lots of party options from bowling to waterpark etc and also has an aerial assault course but it has an age/height limit. My daughter has said for a couple of years that when everyone is 10/11+ she will do a party there as its cool/scary. This year in December (party isn't until June) she asked if she could have her party there in June. Her dad was concerned that in theory its a brilliant day out but that people may be afraid of the heights/parents may be hesitant and it could not be as exciting as shes thinks. I text another parent of two of her friends for a second opinion and she thought it was a cool idea (wasn't aware this existed) and her kids would love to go!. Cue this month when she tells me she is booking this for her daughters party in April. I gently suggested that the two girls having the same party might be an issue as its important at 10 to have the 'cool' party and they like to put an individual stamp on it and the parties will only be 8 weeks apart. She disagrees and thinks a party venue is open to all kids who wish to have their parties there. I was pre empting the upset from my 10 year old who laments that shell be chastised by the class for 'copying' the first birthday girl and it takes the shine off her idea which has been brewing for a while. AIBU to be annoyed? YABU - You don't own a party idea! YANBU - Its not cool to hear an idea from a friend and pip them to the post on it.

Dramatic · 13/03/2025 19:46

Homer28 · 13/03/2025 19:39

And if you had decided to do this party and your friend helped you in advance with all of this stuff, so it was all booked and organised say, 3 months out and then she booked all the same stuff for the next month a couple of months before your birthday with same guest list - you wouldn’t have thought anything of it? Genuine question.

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Honestly I'm questioning the people who say they would be ok with it, it really is just a bit of a shitty thing for the other parent to do. I think in reality most people would be miffed in your situation.

Original poster

Homer28 · 13/03/2025 19:44

Bestfootforward11 · 13/03/2025 19:42

No, but it doesn’t mean you can’t be annoyed about it. I’m just trying to say that at the end of the day it really doesn’t matter as the kids will enjoy regardless.

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Fair point and this is my friends point - she says it wouldn’t annoy her or her DD one iota and is baffled at my lunacy.

really is so helpful to see other people saying it wouldn’t annoy them with no agenda.

and also helpful to hear it WOULD annoy people 😝.

OP posts:

Bestfootforward11 · 13/03/2025 19:42

Homer28 · 13/03/2025 19:39

And if you had decided to do this party and your friend helped you in advance with all of this stuff, so it was all booked and organised say, 3 months out and then she booked all the same stuff for the next month a couple of months before your birthday with same guest list - you wouldn’t have thought anything of it? Genuine question.

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No, but it doesn’t mean you can’t be annoyed about it. I’m just trying to say that at the end of the day it really doesn’t matter as the kids will enjoy regardless.

Bitofanchange · 13/03/2025 19:40

Shotokan101 · 13/03/2025 19:30

I think your "friend" is being g a bit of a sneaky p, selfish git TzBH - with any luck the party will be crap and your daughter won't actually enjoy it or want to have her party there anyway..... 😈

You sound lovely, from what I can understand from your post! It’s a child’s birthday party, you want it to be crap?

Original poster

Homer28 · 13/03/2025 19:39

Bestfootforward11 · 13/03/2025 19:35

I get why you feel a little narked as it’s hard to think of ideas for parties and now this other person is running with it. But I wonder if it’s kinda a bit more about you and the cool
party rather than your child. I really don’t think the kids will be bothered at all. I did a big party last year for my 10 year old, first (and only!) time doing it. Kids had a blast. My friend helped me on the day and has asked for the numbers for the hall, entertainer, food and she’s planning to do exactly the same with the same class. The kids will love it and she nor I are fussed about it being the same.

And if you had decided to do this party and your friend helped you in advance with all of this stuff, so it was all booked and organised say, 3 months out and then she booked all the same stuff for the next month a couple of months before your birthday with same guest list - you wouldn’t have thought anything of it? Genuine question.

OP posts:

Bestfootforward11 · 13/03/2025 19:35

I get why you feel a little narked as it’s hard to think of ideas for parties and now this other person is running with it. But I wonder if it’s kinda a bit more about you and the cool
party rather than your child. I really don’t think the kids will be bothered at all. I did a big party last year for my 10 year old, first (and only!) time doing it. Kids had a blast. My friend helped me on the day and has asked for the numbers for the hall, entertainer, food and she’s planning to do exactly the same with the same class. The kids will love it and she nor I are fussed about it being the same.

Original poster

Homer28 · 13/03/2025 19:31

cardboardvillage · 13/03/2025 19:21

Invite different kids?

I kind of have to invite my daughters closest friends.

I also like to invite back children that have had my DD at their own birthdays.

thanks for the idea though 😊

OP posts:

Shotokan101 · 13/03/2025 19:30

I think your "friend" is being g a bit of a sneaky p, selfish git TzBH - with any luck the party will be crap and your daughter won't actually enjoy it or want to have her party there anyway..... 😈

cardboardvillage · 13/03/2025 19:21

Invite different kids?

Wooky073 · 13/03/2025 19:06

Its a good learning point for you and your daughter - keep good ideas close to your chest until you run with them. Dont worry about what other people will think. Just decide and run with it. You cant control what other people will do, think or say but you can control what you do, think and say. So in this case, your current options are to do something else, or do the same thing but better, with a twist. Maybe incorporate a dress up theme, or picnic after. Also you get to see what works at that party and what does not work so you get to improve on it ! look for the silver linings. Best of luck :)

EmberAsh · 13/03/2025 18:51

If your daughters birthday is in June the weather will likely be nicer. Maybe have a look at tree trekking and zip wire courses if she wanted to do sky climbing. Same thing but a bit different.

Original poster

Homer28 · 13/03/2025 18:36

cardboardvillage · 13/03/2025 18:29

id be pissed off taking my kid 70 mins (each way?) for a party and then doing the same thing again 8 weeks later?

pick something more convenient

It doesn’t piss me off though, I commute 60 mins each way for work.

i have no issue doing this once a year for a party 🎉

OP posts:

Original poster

Homer28 · 13/03/2025 18:35

happinessischocolate · 13/03/2025 18:06

She’s not, OP was just being polite and answering questions.

it’s ironic that a lot of the posters who think OP is be unreasonable are being unreasonable with their replies 😂 but that’s Mumsnet for you

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Thank-you.
It keeps me sane during this thread to find ‘my people’.

I don’t know whether people are deliberately being obtuse with some of the points being made. 😅

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Original poster

Homer28 · 13/03/2025 18:31

FallOfTheHouseOfUtterlyButterly · 13/03/2025 18:23

You failed at your strop, which was clearly a strop as you quoted how many said you were unreasonable and only said you were leaving because people had pointed out your replies were definitely coming across as "my party was going to be so special and now it's ruined"

The point is ANY parent could have booked this same party because it's not some super exclusive club only you have access to.

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I didn’t say that I was leaving because of people pointing out anything about my replies.

i said I was signing off (ie not continuing to reply to individual questions) so as not to keep the thread going and going and going as I thought the posters were becoming tired of:
a) The length of the thread
b) perhaps my replies trying to ‘explain’ my unreasonable behaviour. 1 in 4 agree with my feelings and 3 in 4 don’t so it isn’t wild to think how I’m thinking.

if people want the thread to crack on and have a healthy debate then we can do that but I think an environment where we are not firing insults at each other would be the environment to do that.

However unreasonable I am being, I am not a bad person and it’s hard to keep going and going with the insults and people telling you ‘why’ you are doing what your are doing.

i also signed off with a blow kiss to make sure no one thought I was mad AND thanked the reality check posted (not just those supporting me).

i think you making fun of me AND announcing I was leaving in a strop was unfair and unkind, but you do you.

OP posts:

cardboardvillage · 13/03/2025 18:29

id be pissed off taking my kid 70 mins (each way?) for a party and then doing the same thing again 8 weeks later?

pick something more convenient

SouthLondonMum22 · 13/03/2025 18:23

Moveoverdarlin · 13/03/2025 17:17

I think people are missing the point, I think it’s key that it’s so far away. Most kids don’t have a party which is an hour and 15 minutes away from their homes. So when people are saying ‘another party would have happened there anyway’ or ‘you don’t own it’ of course not, but few parents would want to take two car loads of kids on a two and half hour round trip. It’s just not the done thing. So I can see why OP is pissed off, as she was really pushing the boat out. She mentioned the venue to the other Mum and she pinched it. She knew what she was doing. It’s like gazumping.

It just doesn’t matter.

This isn’t about the children, this is about OP being annoyed that she isn’t going to get credit for this special, super cool place with super cool car rides that children will talk about.

Even though her daughter already had that experience last year.

FallOfTheHouseOfUtterlyButterly · 13/03/2025 18:23

Homer28 · 13/03/2025 18:08

PS All this “their kids could have asked, the parents could look it up”

very useful points EXCEPT I know where the parent got the idea from as I have talked to her about it so I don’t need to continue with conjecture about someone randomly booking the party before me which I would have been fine with! Pah! 😝😝😝

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You failed at your strop, which was clearly a strop as you quoted how many said you were unreasonable and only said you were leaving because people had pointed out your replies were definitely coming across as "my party was going to be so special and now it's ruined"

The point is ANY parent could have booked this same party because it's not some super exclusive club only you have access to.

Original poster

Homer28 · 13/03/2025 18:08

FallOfTheHouseOfUtterlyButterly · 13/03/2025 18:02

Just because it's far away and you didn't take other parents doesn't mean other parents couldn't look it up 🤣
Their kids could have asked
I'd think most parents would look a venue up before sending their children to a party too

And now OP has stropped off anyway. Presumably because we aren't all fawning over her special party idea that would make her DD Queen of The School

PS All this “their kids could have asked, the parents could look it up”

very useful points EXCEPT I know where the parent got the idea from as I have talked to her about it so I don’t need to continue with conjecture about someone randomly booking the party before me which I would have been fine with! Pah! 😝😝😝

OP posts:

Original poster

Homer28 · 13/03/2025 18:06

FallOfTheHouseOfUtterlyButterly · 13/03/2025 18:02

Just because it's far away and you didn't take other parents doesn't mean other parents couldn't look it up 🤣
Their kids could have asked
I'd think most parents would look a venue up before sending their children to a party too

And now OP has stropped off anyway. Presumably because we aren't all fawning over her special party idea that would make her DD Queen of The School

I signed off the thread because people (like you) who seem to only exist to make people feel bad about themselves were complaining about the length of the thread (14 pages, who gives a sh1t! Etc.)

I was happy to continue discussing it and have not been stroppy on this thread despite some absolute cretins making an appearance (until now maybe but that stroppy comment really has annoyed me)

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happinessischocolate · 13/03/2025 18:06

Bailamosse · 13/03/2025 17:03

14 pages sheesh. Imagine getting this upset over a kids party.

She’s not, OP was just being polite and answering questions.

it’s ironic that a lot of the posters who think OP is be unreasonable are being unreasonable with their replies 😂 but that’s Mumsnet for you

FallOfTheHouseOfUtterlyButterly · 13/03/2025 18:02

Just because it's far away and you didn't take other parents doesn't mean other parents couldn't look it up 🤣
Their kids could have asked
I'd think most parents would look a venue up before sending their children to a party too

And now OP has stropped off anyway. Presumably because we aren't all fawning over her special party idea that would make her DD Queen of The School

Digdongdoo · 13/03/2025 17:58

Moveoverdarlin · 13/03/2025 17:17

I think people are missing the point, I think it’s key that it’s so far away. Most kids don’t have a party which is an hour and 15 minutes away from their homes. So when people are saying ‘another party would have happened there anyway’ or ‘you don’t own it’ of course not, but few parents would want to take two car loads of kids on a two and half hour round trip. It’s just not the done thing. So I can see why OP is pissed off, as she was really pushing the boat out. She mentioned the venue to the other Mum and she pinched it. She knew what she was doing. It’s like gazumping.

Perhaps OP could find a venue even further away? Whole class trip to Disney? But don't tell parents in advance, lest someone else have heard of Mickey Mouse. It's not kidnap if it's a birthday party right?

KarmenPQZ · 13/03/2025 17:23

I think you need to dress this as a ‘win’ for your daughter. She gets to go to a venue she wants earlier ie in April rather than June. And y’know kids do talk to each other so she gets to tell her friends all about it before…. ‘There’s this cool bit where…..’ and ‘this bits really scary / steep / fun’ and ‘this bits really babyish and dull’ and she gets to make it clear to hers friends this is her territory and she’s been before and so should get the cool points for ‘discovering’ it as that seems to be your concern.

and also it’s a win for her because then having been she can decide if she wants to go again or go somewhere different. It’s sounds quite a stressful party and surely there are other cool things you can do that are different.

double win!

Oh haha just seen you’ve signed off…. Nevermind!

Jessicapancake · 13/03/2025 17:22

I
Might have felt. Bit disappointed but I'd never have voiced it to the other mum it's a bit main character

Moveoverdarlin · 13/03/2025 17:22

If it wasn’t competitive before I would do everything in my power to make it competitive now. ‘Right kids who wants to go Disneyland Paris for Amelia’s 10th Birthday?? Come on girls! Hop in!!!