Would you have hung up on me

While I agree with the posters saying that the OP’s previous threads provide very useful context, it’s worth stating that, even if you haven’t read those, it’s still a fact that her ex-friend has blocked her and made it clear she doesn’t want to be contacted. Whether OP, or indeed anyone else on this thread, thinks that’s right or “fair”, is ultimately irrelevant - it’s her choice.

A lot of people on Mumsnet are very anti-ghosting. It’s “cruel”, “cowardly”, “unfair”; people are “owed an explanation”. Because of this, a lot of posters side with the ghosted party automatically, whatever the context. I’ve seen it on many threads. Well, at the risk of sounding like a primary school teacher, life isn’t fair. People don’t always do what they should, or what we think they should. And whether OP or anyone here thinks she’s been treated badly or is owed a hearing, she isn’t getting one. Ex-friend has made that clear, as is her right.

That’s what I was wondering but another poster said not.

Yes, this this this!! People genuinely cannot understand how stifling it is. One of my friends was whatsapp, send me a message on instagram, email, message my kids/other friends if i didnt respons within an hour. I had to turn all my notifications off, locations and last online status' off too. It became crazy.

Also all the “oh I’m a terrible person” comments are so disingenuous and manipulative. Maybe you ARE a terrible person. You seem to care more about getting your own way than you do about anyone else’s feelings.

I’m sorry this happened to you.

I knew someone like the OP once and I totally agree with you that unless you’ve been in the situation it’s hard to appreciate just how smothering it is.

I find it incredibly irritating that the OP is still posting about being a victim. It shows she will never accept her role in this, and will continue to blame this other woman who really sounds like she was left with no other choice. (Also all she did was block someone who refused to reduce contact with her - which is what the advice would be to do on here if she had posted for help!)

I wouldn’t be surprised if the OP ends up in trouble with the law.

I think part of the problem might be the way you interpret things. In no part of my comment did I say I hated either of the friends I'd distanced myself from. In fact quite the opposite, I loved them both dearly, but in the end, they were not friendships I could continue for my own wellbeing. I gave all of myself to these friends for years and years and in the end when at rock bottom, something had to give.

I've only ghosted one friend and I'll be honest, the main reason why was because she saw everything as a starting point for negotiation. In my view we'd grown apart; she had a baby and then everything became about parenting/child, she'd literally never talk about anything else and even when she knew I was seriously ill in hospital she'd be texting all day about what her child had been doing/saying and never asking about me. I had surgery which made me infertile around the time her child was born, which again she knew about, so it kind of felt doubly-difficult that she couldn't talk about anything else.

She was an intense person who would send a text, then if no response within an hour she'd whatsapp me, then another hour and it'd be a FB message. I knew that any conversation about us not being friends anymore would be like the Brexit talks and so it was just easier to not respond to anything and hope she got the message. Every so often she does send messages still and it's been a few years now, which makes me feel terrible, but unless you've dealt with someone like this it's really hard to understand why ghosting seems like the only good option.

Please just leave this person alone and explore your feelings in therapy, OP. It'll do you the world of good in making friends going forward.

You might want to read the whole thread, and perhaps the many others the OP has posted about this, in which it is made clear that the friend actually did tell the OP why she was ending the friendship. The short version is that the OP kept pestering her for a level of contact which the friend couldn't keep up, the friend explained she was busy and trying to use her phone less and needed some space, and the OP then continued to contact her and sent her a 'nasty' message calling her cruel/mean for not messaging as often as the OP wanted. The friend then clearly told the OP that she was ending the friendship because the OP couldn't respect her need for some space, and blocked the OP. Ironically, the OP responded to that by repeatedly continuing to try to contact her after she had been asked not to.

I’m not sure where you live, but all it takes where I live is 3 instances of unwanted contact and it’s considered stalking / harassment.

I don’t know what happened between you but it’s irrelevant. This person has made it clear they don’t want to speak to you.

You might want to get some professional help, like maybe a therapist to talk to so you can get help getting through that. It’s really important you respect peoples boundaries because as an adult there can be serious consequences In not doing so.

Im sorry this person is treating you this way, but they are not your friend any longer.

You only want to talk to her just so you can have your say on why she shouldn't stop talking to you. I hate to say it but I have cut off a friend/relationship that I had for a long time coz i couldn't fucking breathe around this person! All about them, constantly! If you didn't show the attention they wanted, they would get visible emotional. It's coz he wanted someone to talk to not because I do, my feelings didn't even come in to it lol. It's draining, I had no desire to keep repeating what I'd been saying for ages, respect my boundaries you don't get to text me 20 times a day and demand my attention. So if you are the needy friend in this situation, that's whym. Because it's all consuming and no one has got time for that. Think about what others are going through not just your self.

So I have blocked ex friends as something has happened or they are just too much toxicity and didn’t want to hear it when I brought it up. I would have hung up too in all honesty!! I cut them off for their toxic ways to protect my little family….for whatever reason you need to respect that it’s what she wants 🤷🏼‍♀️

Ah, I see... thanks for explaining. That makes a lot more sense. Context is everything, eh?

Oh, I didn't read the other threads. This makes me see this in a different way. However that doesn't stop me wanting to sympathise with the OP. She obviously needs to do some work at learning how to trust herself, build esteem and not be so dependent on other women.

I wish you the best of luck moving forward, op. I sincerely hope that in time you will find friendships which are mutually nurturing.

This is brilliant advice OP from someone who gets it totally. Follow it.

Stop beating yourself up. There is nothing wrong with you. I have a different experience to @spanieleyes22. I have been blocked by at least 3 women in my lifetime (actually, this was before blocking as we know it existed). Two them eventually told me why they hated me: you won't believe this, but they both confessed that I was lovely and that they were jealous of me! I couldn't believe it. Me?! Who would be jealous of me?

The third hasn't told me why she is distancing herself from me but I know that she has been going through an extremely stressful time and took it out on me.

So, I would say that everyone's experience is different and you don't sound like an awful person to me. As others have said your friend has her reasons and they may actually have very little to do with you. You have to move on. You need to focus on how you can get your own needs met. This will enable you to make much stronger relationships in the future.

You need therapy urgently. Wishing you all the best.

Read the previous thread. The friend was quite clear.

Read the thread, and OP’s previous ones. She does know why the friend dropped her - because OP was effectively stalking her and making demands on her time she couldn’t meet, she’s still stalking her now with anonymous phone calls and is heading for police involvement if she doesn’t get help.

So you tricked her into answering your call OP. That's really not good. Youe reasons for ringing her this time (for support) are probably a huge clue as to why she's gone NC. It was all about you.
She should of had the decency to end the friendship by explaining this, but she is being clear now,that she wants no contact.
It's hurtful, but you need to move on, and find ways to make new friends. You are wasting too much valuable time and headspace thinking about this woman.

Please, all you people saying to OP, "oh you poor thing", have a look at her previous posts. She's not a young girl - she has at least one adult child. Her others may well be older than that. She does know what she's done because her friend has told her. She is persecuting her - she was asked to first give her some space and stop contacting her back in October. The friend blocked her number because she would not stop. The friend has clearly been pushed to this. In these circumstances, phoning from a withheld number is unforgivable and shows what little respect OP has for her. You are not doing her any favours with all the hand patting. Please have a look at her other threads to get the full history, which includes her sending "nasty" texts (her word) to the friend. She clearly needs psychiatric help and she should be guided in that direction, not told what a poor little thing she is. That's what she wants to hear and the next thing will be her turning up on the friend's doorstep to confront her "because that's what people on Mumsnet said I should do".

It would have been better if she had had the guts to tell you why she was ending the friendship but sadly people prefer to avoid the difficult conversation and just slowly back away, hoping the other person will get the message.

OP was told. There are previous threads, as OP has said. She wasn't ghosted. She just doesn't want to accept her friend's decision.

There’s probably a lot wider picture at her end.

my being her was my bff had a nervous breakdown and I was her crutch and my mum got cancer, I needed a friend for lighter times and got used as an emotional punch bag still after saying time after time I couldn’t cope with
another’s difficulties.

It would have been better if she had had the guts to tell you why she was ending the friendship but sadly people prefer to avoid the difficult conversation and just slowly back away, hoping the other person will get the message.

It's often advised on here. And claimed to be an attempt to avoid hurting the other person which makes me laugh because that's bollocks.

That said, she has through her actions made it very clear she no longer wants you in her life. You must respect that. It's unfair that you don't know why (if you dont) but life has never promised us fairness. Or closure for thst matter.

I think you do know what the problem is. You just don't want to admit it, maybe even to yourself. Perhaps your friend did talk to you about your neediness or lack of boundaries in the past but you didn't understand what she was saying.

You come across as very intense, quite dramatic and some of your replies have been somewhat manipulative and passive aggressive. I'm not saying this is intentional but it is how you come across. I presume this is how you are in real life and if so, people will continue to pull away from you.

Which is sad because it will make you more intense, fearful, dramatic etc.

You need some sort of therapy and to build your confidence. See if you can talk to your GP and find out what is available.

You can use this painful experience to turn your life around.