Would you have hung up on me

Having read the OP’s other threads, I’d say Baby Reindeer might be more apt.

Why @Pippyls67 is it cruel of the friend to have personal boundaries and not engage with people she doesn't want to?
I really don't understand all the posters who are saying the friend is awful/showing her true colours/is cruel.
Do you honestly think people shouldn't get a say in who their friends are? If someone wants to be your friend and that requires you to be a support human, answering infinite texts/calls immediately then you must or you are 'cruel'?
Does that carry across to sexual relationships too? If someone wants to be in a relationship with you, you don't get a choice?

I think we are seeing the reason she pulled away from you in the first place - you don’t accept boundaries.

I am currently ignoring efforts to contact me from a friend who will consider me to be ghosting him. The reality is I’ve explained on multiple occasions, patiently and kindly, that my fatigue levels mean I can’t respond to (or even read) long missives recounting every detail of his latest problem. Any contact from me will result in more of the same, he’s just not accepting being asked nicely.

Continuing to ignore a boundary is exhausting for the other person and not a benign behaviour. All you are achieving is reinforcing her decision to end the friendship.

I did not. I was getting irritated by people posting without reading the thread. And then clearly, did the same thing myself . Mea culpa.

Watch the Banshees of Innisherin on ITV player. It’s a beautiful film and could comfort you. It’s about a man going through the same feelings you’re going through. It’s sad and there’s no happy ending as such but it’s got some ‘resolution’ of a fashion in that he learns to accept it in the end. I feel for you Op. It’s horrible and you’re right it is cruel of her but sadly life can be like that when someone else has issues which they can’t and won’t deal with constructively. Please just save yourself though and move on to better things as you suggest.

Thank you for telling me.
Perhaps you didn't see my comment underneath this one where I stated that I hadn't read all posts ........ Or perhaps you did and still felt to correct me.

Regardless, have a great day @Namechangetry

surely she can take responsibility for her actions AND be kind to herself at the same time? It serves absolutely no purpose for her to beat herself up. I understand what you say about playing the victim and being kind to oneself can be a way of making sure you don't do that.

Ah thanks, I hadn't seen all the October ones.

She was never entitled to all of her friends time and attention and her friend didn't deserve a nasty text. I agree with you

OP knows exactly why the friendship broke up. She was putting pressure on the friend to spend more time texting and answering OP’s texts, and wouldn’t accept it when friend told her she didn’t have the time (friend is married with children). OP sent a nasty message and friend blocked her. This was back in October - several threads about it at the time. Since then OP has tried to make contact and when friend didn’t respond, resorted to anonymous phone calls. OP is more than ‘needy’. She crossed a line which brought about the end of the friendship and six months later is still obsessing about it. If l were the friend l would be contacting the police the next time a call came through with number withheld.

Honestly I feel for you. No one expects to "break up" with a friend. And if you don't know why I imagine that plays havoc with your self esteem.

Saying that if I'd made the decision to cut contact no I wouldn't answer your calls or yes I'd hang up. It may be she finds you too needy, your post sounds needy and the comment about only turning to her when you're ill to save your family the hardship sounds like she was the only emotional outlet you had and that's alot. She may have had stuff going herself and not been able to deal with it. I'm not sure.

I know it hurts and it says more about her than you. But she's made up her mind and you're picking at scab. You need to make new friends and if you want to move past this you need to stop thinking about how it was when she was your bestie because she isn't anymore and maybe hasn't been for longer than you know

Yes, I feel the same. I was very fond of someone but I ended the friendship because she put pressure on me and guilt-tripped me, among other things.

OP, she doesn't hate you. She just doesn't want to hear from you (for her own reasons).

You should probably read OPs posts on this and previous threads, before offering to become the next person being overwhelmed by her.

if she can do that with no explanation and no contact then maybe she wasn't as good a friend in the beginning.

The friend didn't do it with no explanation, she asked OP for space and OP wouldn't stop. OP has posted multiple times about this, wanting posters to tell her she's been wronged and shore up her victimhood. OP behaved badly and doesn't want to take responsibility for that.

I appreciate you say that you don’t know what you’ve done to get yourself blocked, but whatever it was must feel pretty significant to her. Blocking someone isn’t something most people would do over something minor.

You need to stop contacting her, she’s made it abundantly clear that she wants nothing to do with you. By continuing to harass her (and it is harassment as it’s unwanted contact) you won’t change her mind. I imagine it must be incredibly hard to loose somebody you thought was a close friend, but it’s over now, the friendship os irreparably broken. Move on.

I hadn't seen this before my comment.

Hmmm, yesssss 🤔

@spanieleyes22 If you need someone to chat to, feel free to pm me, OP. If private messaging is back on yet?

Mate, I can't read your comments where you're calling yourself stupid and needing to know what happened to cause this without coming to you to say, if she can do that with no explanation and no contact then maybe she wasn't as good a friend in the beginning.

I live with rejection sensitivity dysphoria and I upset my two bestest friends whom I had grown up with. Friends for over 30 years and my need to know if we were okz, had I done something to annoy them made me obsessive.
My situation maybe different in that it involves a sudden loss of a parent. They had each other, I had no one to grieve with and why should they be thinking about me but I couldn't stop thinking about them. I felt like I needed to grieve with them but this was around the end of lockdown and was all messy anyway I digress.

I deleted them from FB. I deleted their phone numbers because I knew I wouldn't be able to help myself one day despite the awful message I received from one of them after I reached out to him.

Please know that you are not stupid!!
Be kind to yourself. A loss is a loss so grieve the loss of the friendship and grow/learn from the experience and put your lovely energy to something else

Whether you feel whatever happened does or doesn’t warrant this behaviour, is not relevant, she has made her choice. You need to respect her choices and her boundaries, and leave her alone.

If she changes her mind and decides to give your friendship another chance, she will reach out to you.

Yes I agree, CBT would be a good start.

The last thing @spanieleyes22 need is to be kind to herself!

It's the victim, poor me, martyrdom complex that got her here. She wallows in it and dwells on it, while blaming everyone else and getting passive agressive about it.

OP need to take responsibility for her own behaviour, stop hounding this poor woman (a thread every three months at least) who has clearly articulated why she'd had quite enough, and start behaving like an adult.

Doing some CBT or other counselling to look at her thought patterns and reslience would do her far more good than 'being kind to herself."

I wondered about this too. She now says she only has ‘acquaintances’ and still she isn’t doing any self examination as to why this is. And this thread seems to have been started with the sole intention of gaining support for another round of harassment of this poor friend - this time by anonymous phone call. I also seem to remember a couple of different threads about different friends - maybe that’s the reason there are none left. I fear that if OP doesn’t stop navel gazing and get some actual help with mental health she’s going to end up with the police knocking at her door.

This is a really interesting post @spanieleyes22. It holds the key to what happened in your friendship.

You didn't say boo to your friend. What did you say to her? What were you desperate to explain when she stopped contact?

If you really want to understand what happened ask yourself these questions and answer them honestly. Focus on your behaviour, not hers.

I'm sorry you're struggling.

Well, on one of the October threads OP says it's fine, I have other friends. Now on this thread she's stating, I have no friends left now. Says everything to me.

The friends’ actions have everything to do with OP, as you would know, had you read the thread. She insisted on a level of contact that the friend couldn’t sustain and when she told OP that, she got a faceful of nastiness in response. So OP is fully aware of why she was blocked - she left the friend with no alternative. OP posted several times back in October. She’s clearly been brooding and obsessing ever since, and has resorted to several anonymous phone calls to try to trick the friend into talking to her. She’s well on the way to police involvement if she doesn’t get help with her obsession.

You need to be kind to yourself, if you have family then engage with them, leave your 'friend' alone to do whatever she needs to do.
Be Well