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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Would you have hung up on me

261 replies

spanieleyes22 · 12/03/2025 12:38

So I posted before about a "break up" with a friend of over 15 years around October last. I found it very hard as she wouldn't talk to me or discuss anything she just blocked me on everything. I sent her a Xmas card but no response. Yesterday I was feeling down and lonely I've been sick with a flu thing and am just very down. I remembered last year when I was sick she was the only person I really told as I don't want to moan to family and she checked in on me - by text- and I rang her number withholding my number. I did try doing that a couple of times back when it happened but she never answered just a voicemail message would come on. I suppose I didn't expect her to answer and when she did I was happy and said hi it's spaniel eyes and then long silence and I said please don't hang up but before I finished the sentence she had hung up. I know it was stupid of me. I've been really upset but annoyed with myself too. I know it's time to forget her now she couldn't make it any clearer. I'd just love to know why she feels she has to do this. Whatever happened I don't feel warrants this: I feel it's actually cruel. But I know you all will tell me to stop wasting my time so I'm trying to do that. I id hope for a minute or so but quickly dashed.

OP posts:
AtrociousCircumstance · 12/03/2025 12:48

Don’t hate yourself, just let her go now. If she has made this decision then she wasn’t ever going to be a great lifelong friend anyway. Do the work on yourself to detach and process.

Peclet · 12/03/2025 12:47

She doesn’t want to know you.

It is harsh but you absolutely have to respect her boundaries. Try and move on.

LadyKenya · 12/03/2025 12:47

Concentrate on those people who want you in their lives. For whatever reason, this person does not want contact.

spanieleyes22 · 12/03/2025 12:46

9fthighfence · 12/03/2025 12:45

I’d find your actions harassment. Move on.

Ok

OP posts:
spanieleyes22 · 12/03/2025 12:46

festivemouse · 12/03/2025 12:42

Yes I would have, especially if you'd been blocked for months but then called repeatedly from a withheld number until I answered. Id feel quite harassed!

I rang once back in October and once over Xmas and then once yesterday . She wouldn't have known who was calling the first 2 times. At the time I mean. Yeh I know I'm coming across as a stalker. Hate myself for it.

OP posts:
9fthighfence · 12/03/2025 12:45

I’d find your actions harassment. Move on.

spanieleyes22 · 12/03/2025 12:44

Was that harassment. Yeh I don't want to thrash it all out again but basically I didn't do anything horrible or mean. Looking back she was trying to pull away but wouldn't admit it she just said she was busy and then I called her on it and she blocked me. That's the summary: I realize I should have said nothing and just let her be and we would prob still be friends albeit not as close. I do blame myself partly.

OP posts:
festivemouse · 12/03/2025 12:42

Yes I would have, especially if you'd been blocked for months but then called repeatedly from a withheld number until I answered. Id feel quite harassed!

AtrociousCircumstance · 12/03/2025 12:42

Agree with PP, it depends why the friendship broke down.

But if it’s one of those situations where you have no idea why she’s suddenly shut down and are desperate for answers, then YANBU in feeling the confusion and loss and desire to know what happened. It was a mistake to call her though. You have to just let her go. If it is the above situation I do agree it’s cruel of her.

BleachedJumper · 12/03/2025 12:40

You aren’t entitled to answers from other people in this scenario.

You are in pain and lonely, but it doesn’t give you the right to harass someone else.

Find your own peace and move on with your life.

Jellycatspyjamas · 12/03/2025 12:40

I guess it really depends on what happened in October to break the friendship.