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AIBU?

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Original poster

To ask for advice on how to minimise your chances of becoming a victim of bullying ?

133 replies

MarioJumbo · 12/03/2025 08:53

Some time ago I had a convo with a friend on the subject of bullying.

He had always lacked confidence and had been a victim of bullying at school and apparently had never fitted in. I never went to his school so don’t know this first hand just took his word for it. At the time he was 26, lived with his parents and desperate for friends and company. He also had no experience sexually or romantically aged 26 in relationships so was very conscious of this - he presented as a lonely man and his conversations reflected that.

We were discussing one day what would make someone more prone to being a victim of bullying generally and I said is it someone with no friends?

He said “not exactly someone with no friends”. He went on to say “someone who is unsure”.

I was a bit surprised by this - given his seeming desperation to make friends and meet people all the time I thought he’d see a ‘friendless’ state or being a loner as undesirable.

However, I actually agree with him because at times in the past when I’ve been a bit of a ‘loner’ but had more inner confidence, I’ve actually been more popular with people whereas when I’ve been clinging to the edge of groups and with no friends I’ve been less popular. Any thoughts?

OP posts:
LipglossAlly · 12/03/2025 09:06

I agree with the other posts with regards to what would attract the unwanted attention of a bully. I would add that there are instances where people are bullied because the bully sees in them some characteristics that they do not possess. Whether it be looks, kindness and sometimes even inner confidence.

CynicalSunni · 12/03/2025 09:05

MarioJumbo · 12/03/2025 09:00

Thanks for responding been in the receiving end of it too - it sucks.

i love my own company but only felt obliged to cling to people like a limpet because my mum called me selfish for liking my own company

Show quote history

I was bullied already so was desperate to be part of a 'group' . As being a loner would have drawn more attention. So i accepted the lesser of two evils. 🤣

I did have to learn to be comfortable with myself and develop my own personality. Think i just followed for years to fit in. But i was quite intense too i think. Once i found a friend i latched on. But that was the result of bullying. Wasnt til i was about 15/16 i had proper friends

arcticpandas · 12/03/2025 09:04

If you really truly don't give a fuck about what people think it's hard to bully you. We're social animals though so it's hard to get there for most. I'm there now at 45. Not paying attention to what people think is bot the equivalent of not caring for others though. Then you're just a sociopath.

CrumpledInkBlott · 12/03/2025 09:02

I think a lot of bullies test boundaries. If they see you don't have the confidence to push back or report them they will then bully you . Bullies rely on silence . It's best to nip things in the bud . There is a thin line between tolerance and abuse.

Often , especially at work people bully because it gets them something or it's a deflection from their shortcomings. It's best not to confront but go straight over their heads to senior management. If the bully is friends with management then it's a loss cause and look to change jobs or department.

Never tell anyone you have been bullied in the past as people will see you as an easy target to shove around .

oakleaffy · 12/03/2025 09:01

Bullies sense “weakness” or differences in people- The best way to avoid it is to take no shit if someone starts.

( Work situation)

Socially?
No need to put up with any form of bullying.

Original poster
MarioJumbo · 12/03/2025 09:00

CynicalSunni · 12/03/2025 08:57

I suppose its true if you give off an air of desperation it does leave you open to people picking on you.

They are aware you are trying to stay within the group so they know you will allow them to.

I was on the receiving end of that. Had to learn not to be a push over but also ve hapmy with my own company.

Thanks for responding been in the receiving end of it too - it sucks.

i love my own company but only felt obliged to cling to people like a limpet because my mum called me selfish for liking my own company

OP posts:
CynicalSunni · 12/03/2025 08:57

I suppose its true if you give off an air of desperation it does leave you open to people picking on you.

They are aware you are trying to stay within the group so they know you will allow them to.

I was on the receiving end of that. Had to learn not to be a push over but also ve hapmy with my own company.

Itisbetter · 12/03/2025 08:55

Making bullying unacceptable is the way to stop bullying. Victims do not draw bullies.