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Original poster

Shamed by HV for not exposing DD to a second language

358 replies

Skedaddledaway · 12/03/2025 07:21

I had DDs 12 months appointment yesterday. This time was better than previous times as she only managed to say something vaguely offensive 3 times during the 10 minute appointment.

However, there was one comment she made that filled me up with 'mum guilt' about not exposing DD to a second language. I live in a very multicultural area where most children are being brought learning 2 or 3 languages so seeing a child just speaking English is probably less common.

I speak good french (lived and worked in France for several years) but haven't used french for at least 4 years so am rusty! Speaking french with DD didn't feel natural compared to using my mother tongue. Now I am questioning whether that was a poor decision.

As a single mum I have a lot on my plate but I am thinking of starting to expose DD to some french.
My thoughts were:

  • Turning her doll into a francophone so when ever we play with it use french.
  • incorporating some simple everyday phrases into our daily routine
  • reading books in french in the morning during breakfast
  • listening to some nursery rhymes in french

Does this approach sound reasonable?

OP posts:
LondonPapa · 12/03/2025 13:53

Skedaddledaway · 12/03/2025 10:01

Actually it's the opposite. It's one of the most deprived areas in London.

Show quote history

Ah Tower Hamlets. Do not follow the advice of HVs from Tower Hamlets. Just do your own thing, and what you feel is right. I'd also advise you move out of TH as soon as you can. All essential services are poor and you cannot raise a well functioning child in such a borough. After all, the strapline of the borough is: The worst of London in one borough.

bonbonours · 12/03/2025 13:51

French teacher here, I teach kids from preschool age upwards. My French is much better now than when my kids were tiny and it would've been hard work to talk French to them consistently so I didn't. They did learn French from a young age though and are better at it than most teens their age. But definitely not fluent or bilingual.

Sometimes I wish I'd done more when they were tiny and I'd always encourage any parents with a different mother tongue to use it. Kids will learn English just by being in an English speaking environment (nursery/school) even if it's never spoken at home.

OP, introducing French songs, nursery rhymes etc and using some vocab at home will still be beneficial to your little one. Thise who say wait til they're at school know nothing about language acquisition. Or how poor the primary school MFL offer is.

Original poster
Skedaddledaway · 12/03/2025 13:51

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

You are making yourself look silly now...

OP posts:
LondonPapa · 12/03/2025 13:49

Skedaddledaway · 12/03/2025 07:21

I had DDs 12 months appointment yesterday. This time was better than previous times as she only managed to say something vaguely offensive 3 times during the 10 minute appointment.

However, there was one comment she made that filled me up with 'mum guilt' about not exposing DD to a second language. I live in a very multicultural area where most children are being brought learning 2 or 3 languages so seeing a child just speaking English is probably less common.

I speak good french (lived and worked in France for several years) but haven't used french for at least 4 years so am rusty! Speaking french with DD didn't feel natural compared to using my mother tongue. Now I am questioning whether that was a poor decision.

As a single mum I have a lot on my plate but I am thinking of starting to expose DD to some french.
My thoughts were:

  • Turning her doll into a francophone so when ever we play with it use french.
  • incorporating some simple everyday phrases into our daily routine
  • reading books in french in the morning during breakfast
  • listening to some nursery rhymes in french

Does this approach sound reasonable?

No, no, no. Sure you can expose her to languages, but do not do it at the expense of her mother tongue. This is especially the case if you do not speak the other language at a native level (you may be good but you're rusty). Your HV needs to bugger off and not give such stupid advice.

roseyposey · 12/03/2025 13:49

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roseyposey · 12/03/2025 13:45

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Original poster
Skedaddledaway · 12/03/2025 13:43

roseyposey · 12/03/2025 13:41

Which area of east London are you in?

Which two or three languages that you refer to in your OP are commonly spoken there?

Vous me comprenez?

I don't know what you are talking about. There are loads of languages spoken here. It's a really diverse area?

OP posts:
JudgeJ · 12/03/2025 13:42

Skedaddledaway · 12/03/2025 07:36

HV said I was "letting DD down" because babies can take in up to 5 languages at this age

Are parents obliged to expose themselves to this nonsense by having outsiders check up on their child? As an evil boomer, my memory is of a quick drop in from SSAFA, the military equivalent, when I came home then the weighing at the clinic visits as and when I wanted. It seems that there are a lot of people butting into families' lives these days!

roseyposey · 12/03/2025 13:41

Which area of east London are you in?

Which two or three languages that you refer to in your OP are commonly spoken there?

Vous me comprenez?

BlackStrayCat · 12/03/2025 13:40

I have helped DD with French since primary (she learned French from primary).
But I concentrate on her English, as I am English.

As a result she speaks fairly good French. But I am not capable of raising her from a baby in French. I am not native. Like you, I am just good because I lived there. This is not the same thing at all.

Original poster
Skedaddledaway · 12/03/2025 13:38

roseyposey · 12/03/2025 13:36

I’m still intrigued about the other languages spoken in your area of east London because presumably these are the languages the HV is referring to, not French. You don’t seem keen to let us know what these five other languages are.

I don't understand? She was saying that children have an ability to learn 5 languages not that she regularly sees children learning 5 languages. I think she was just trying to say that children are like sponges and the best time to introduce a second language is now.

OP posts:
Meadowfinch · 12/03/2025 13:38

I don't understand why this is anything to do with the HV. Tell her to mind her own business.

I have a ds, I speak two languages fluently (worked abroad) and another poorly but haven't tried to teach ds another language.

He did French & German at high school, disliked both and has now given up. He understands basic language structure. If he ever lives abroad, he has the basics to enable him to learn. Otherwise, a second language is of no use to him, and a waste of his time.

roseyposey · 12/03/2025 13:36

I’m still intrigued about the other languages spoken in your area of east London because presumably these are the languages the HV is referring to, not French. You don’t seem keen to let us know what these five other languages are.

Original poster
Skedaddledaway · 12/03/2025 13:34

BlackStrayCat · 12/03/2025 13:31

But you are not French. I am a language teacher. I am giving you helpful comments.
Ignore the HV.

So, just so I understand, are you saying speak no french with DD? And that no exposure to french is better than some exposure, even if just for fun. I'm not being snarky, trying to understand your position because it's a long thread and I can't find your earlier posts

OP posts:
roseyposey · 12/03/2025 13:34

Skedaddledaway · 12/03/2025 13:27

Ok, I can't help you interpreted the OP. "As a single mum I have a lot on my plate but I am thinking of starting to expose DD to some french.
My thoughts were:

Turning her doll into a francophone so when ever we play with it use french.
incorporating some simple everyday phrases into our daily routine
reading books in french in the morning during breakfast
listening to some nursery rhymes in french
Does this approach sound reasonable?"

I asked specifically if the approach sounded reasonable. I provided the HV as context. Admittedly, I did not make an effort to hide my disdain for the HV, because, yes, she did upset me. However, I believe I was quite clear. I can't help how other people interpret and respond to my question. If you don't think I'm being genuine then please don't waste your time commenting.

Show quote history

But your thread title is Shamed by HV for not exposing DD to second language.

Why didn’t you call it something like

Need advice on how to introduce a second language to my child

Or wasn’t it sensational enough?!!

Nursemumma92 · 12/03/2025 13:34

This is very bizarre, I wouldn't give it any headspace whatsoever. You can decline the health visiting service but if you want to stick with it, request a different one! She sounds barking and shouldn't be passing judgement on whether or not you send a 1 year old to nursery!

BlackStrayCat · 12/03/2025 13:31

But you are not French. I am a language teacher. I am giving you helpful comments.
Ignore the HV.

Original poster
Skedaddledaway · 12/03/2025 13:30

allthemiddlechildrenoftheworld · 12/03/2025 13:29

@Skedaddledaway I would be more concerned about the offensive language being spoken by the child than whether or not she can utter a foreign language!

What do you mean?

OP posts:
pursuitOfSomething · 12/03/2025 13:30

MoodEnhancer · 12/03/2025 08:52

The people who don’t believe the OP clearly didn’t have rubbish HVs. I had one so can completely believe that this happened.

This.

My Dmum did warn me as she had a batshit no kids herself one - she said she was really glad to later find women had twins.

First one with pfb - only one was mad one who did home visist who suggested we take the door handels of the rented doors as baby not yet rolling over couldn't open them - other was very nice and helpful. Later ones just seem to exit to upset mothers.

I don't think it is easy to raise a child bilingually - though easier when there's a wider community also using language. If you want to put some tapes, stories you tube song on - it won't hurt but I would go in with really low expectations - and if that's too much than just ignore it all.

Original poster
Skedaddledaway · 12/03/2025 13:30

BlackStrayCat · 12/03/2025 13:28

@roseyposey . OP I really do not understand what your issue/post is about is either.

No worries, other people did and made some helpful comments.

OP posts:
BlackStrayCat · 12/03/2025 13:29

Well do that if you want?

allthemiddlechildrenoftheworld · 12/03/2025 13:29

@Skedaddledaway I would be more concerned about the offensive language being spoken by the child than whether or not she can utter a foreign language!

BlackStrayCat · 12/03/2025 13:28

@roseyposey . OP I really do not understand what your issue/post is about is either.

Original poster
Skedaddledaway · 12/03/2025 13:27

roseyposey · 12/03/2025 13:21

No, this thread is not about your approach to speaking French and whether it sounded reasonable..

I don’t think I’m the only poster who didn’t understand this from your OP. I think you’re disingenuous.

Show quote history

Ok, I can't help you interpreted the OP. "As a single mum I have a lot on my plate but I am thinking of starting to expose DD to some french.
My thoughts were:

Turning her doll into a francophone so when ever we play with it use french.
incorporating some simple everyday phrases into our daily routine
reading books in french in the morning during breakfast
listening to some nursery rhymes in french
Does this approach sound reasonable?"

I asked specifically if the approach sounded reasonable. I provided the HV as context. Admittedly, I did not make an effort to hide my disdain for the HV, because, yes, she did upset me. However, I believe I was quite clear. I can't help how other people interpret and respond to my question. If you don't think I'm being genuine then please don't waste your time commenting.

OP posts:
Slumbering · 12/03/2025 13:25

She sounds like just the kind of person you could do without visiting you as a new mother.

These are precious times for you and your child. Do things your way and enjoy this time as it passes too soon.