Shamed by HV for not exposing DD to a second language

This sounds ridiculous, and potentially discriminatory 'a good mum will teach her children multiple languages' - many mums will only speak 1 language.

Of course it's brilliant when someone can speak multiple languages, but there is no need to shame a mum who can't.

Reminds me of when I was at secondary - everyone did French and then 'choice' of 2nd languages -German, Italian, Urdu or Punjabi. I asked to do Italian, was told no, that was only for children who had been brought up with Italian at home, same for Urdu and Punjabi - it discriminated against children who didn't have a 2nd language at home - the teachers wanted an easy ride and not to actually need to teach it. Working in a very multicultural area, knowing a bit of urdu or punjabi would have been really useful to me.

That’s pretty silly. People often think languages are easy for kids. They’re not - they take a LOT of dedicated effort to learn.

My kids are bilingual (DH and I have different first languages). Both of us only speak to the kids in our own language, always have. And by god it was hard to get them to speak the language that was different to the one spoken where we live. The only reason they are truly bilingual is because we have lived in both countries. It annoys me when people say ‘oh they just picked it up did they?’. No, they did not.

that was a rant, sorry. My point is, if you like to expose your DC to a second language, great! But they won’t come out able to speak it. Realistic expectations are key and the HV is way off.

Also, she's very little for screen time at the moment, but once she's older you could try only showing her shows in French. Some of my friends here (European country) did that with their children in English, and it's really impressive how much some of them have learnt just from what you'd think is passive absorption. Children's brains are amazing.

What a nob of a HV. Ignore the silly woman and carry on as you were!

Agree that it's a ridiculous comment from the HV.
If you are planning to do this with your child, start now though, because she will very soon be much more able to express a preference, and she may well strongly dislike you using French (what child would like only understanding badly what a parent says when there's another language they've been exposed to since birth, they understand well and they know the parent speaks?).
My DH had this also with French, which he speaks natively (went to a French school) but it's not his mother tongue. I wanted him to speak more French to our DC but he never felt comfortable doing it. She was already growing up bilingual because mine and DH's mother tongues are different. She's now 4 and although she says a few words in French, she gets very annoyed if we try to talk more that that with her.

Could you not jsit dismiss this as her opinion and not attach so much weight to it?
You're allowed to not teach your child your rusty French. It's fine.

I still don't think it's 'shaming' and I hate the way this has become the go to word to say, "Someone shared an opinion that was different to mine."

Your HV sounds bizarre!
my husband is native French and didn’t speak to the children in French until they started at a French crèche as it felt unnatural to him as our whole relationship is in English. Mine started learning at 12 months only two days a week at French crèche and understand pretty much everything at 20 months and say around 10 French words/ phrases compared to about 50 in English.
If you are looking for French resources the Tonie box is great for French songs and simple stories and of course books to read but I wouldn’t worry about it if you are already stretched.

I wouldn't give it a lot of headspace if stressing you out, but exposing her to a 2nd language can only be a good thing imo. It is so much easier to learn when younger, personally I love the doll idea, or mixing up as you read stories.

What did she actually say?

This is the kind of nonsense that HV come up with that makes me think the whole profession is useless. Speak to your child in the language you speak and read to them lots. Develop their language skills. When the time is right you can introduce a second language but it’s not as if you’re bilingual or have multiple languages in the house - speaking some rusty French is just going to be confusing.

I wonder if she’s also telling those parents who are raising their children with other languages to speak English as well, given they live in the UK. Nothing unreasonable about wanting children to speak other languages but completely random of HV to bring it up.

You shouldn't try to teach your child a language that feels unnatural to use, it's well known that children develop language best when their parents speak their mother tongue to them rather than second or third languages and proper development of language is crucial.
A bilingual/foreign language nursery however would be fantastic, if such a thing is available, and languages from other sources.

I mean it’s very beneficial and something I’d suggest to anyone that can do it but seems a strange thing to judge.

So she shamed you for not teaching rusty French which isn't your first language? 🤔

Depending where you live there are also French/English bilingual nurseries you could look into if you want them to be exposed to French.

Assuming you are in the U.K. and English will be the language the child needs for nursery and school etc this is bonkers. Also none of the HV’s business and WAY overstepping to comment.

How did she shame you?

How did she know you could speak French?

Is English your first language? Do you live in an English speaking country? If so, why on earth does a 12 month old child need to be exposed to a second language?

Are you sure she was actually "shaming" you and not just making a passing comment without giving much thought to it or expecting you to take it so seriously that you experienced a huge dose of mum guilt or re-evaluate your whole parenting approach?

Sometimes, people are just speaking (even from their own experience) and it's not about 'shaming' anyone at all...

Of course learning a second language is a good thing, but so are lots of things, and you can’t do them all. If you don’t have time or interest in doing this, then don’t.

I started to learn a second language when my eldest was 3/4 and he HATED it when I spoke it to him. He really put his foot down about it!

What on earth did she say? Bizarre, obviously most children in the UK are raised in this country are monolingual.

Nothing U about exposing your child to a second language if you like, but surely you are aware that it is not obligatory. My DH is a non-native but fluent French speaker and he speaks French to our kids and reads to them in French. They are not as proficient in speaking French as in English but they understand French very well. So it can be done with relatively little effort.

It's best to speak your mother tongue to your child, not a language you are rusty at so the hv was unreasonable.
Listening to French audiobooks and nursery rhymes, and when she's older, watching French cartoons are all good things you can do though. She won't learn French but she'll be exposed to the different sounds while her brain is young enough to absorb it, which will help when she learns French in school.

My DS used to watch cartoons in Swedish and one of the Sami languages often when he was a toddler and while he obviously didn't learn anything I hope the sounds he heard will help with learning Swedish later on.

I’m fluent in another language but not bilingual and when kids were younger I tried to speak to them in that language, although it was all a bit forced. I did read some bed time stories. Kids didn’t really appreciate it!

Fast forward 15/20 years and one child is doing an A level in said language. He recently asked why I hadn’t continued/made more of an effort as life would be so much easier… 😵‍💫😵‍💫